If ever there was a year I needed a Miracle 2010 was it!

First I have to say I didn’t get my Miracle. I had to pass through ever trial and suffering and sickness and the grief that came my way.

There were times I cried out to God “No More! I can’t deal with this and I’m not strong enough to take it just Kill Me please and stop all the pain.”

I won’t do into detial but I have sufferred for years with chronic illnesses and so being really sick with undiagnosed symptoms for quite a while. Striggling most of the year with Chronic Fatigue that kept me so tired I could hardly go anywhere including for more medical tests I really needed to get done. Grieving a painful loss and generally not coping with all I was experiencing in myself and in my family.

I sufferred spiritually and physically and my emotions were all over the place. How I managed in late October to finally go for an exploritory operation I can’t even say. They found a tumour missed through other non-invasive testing. I got it out late November and am currently still recovering from the major surgery I had.

The ONLY thing I can say that I experienced which was good last year was hearing the surgeons report that the Tumour had no cancer and they didn’t find any in the surrounding tissue.

My year was exhausting and though I prayed and read the Bible and prayed and pleaded with God I got NO relief, no miracle, no breakthrough. I had to suffer every set back, every complication, every thing that could go wrong pretty well did and I had to experience it & live through it all.

I can say I was tested to the end of my strength and I pleaded for God to give me some supernatural help but none came.

Now you would think that I would give up on God. Oh I was angry that I was going through all this with no relief or help but I was not stupid enough to give up God. Like Job’s wife, Satan kept wispering in my ear ‘curse God and die”. Well I didn’t. I cried many tears and was in pain and anguish. I even felt abandoned by the Lord as if I had done something to deserve what I had to go through.

There was only one scripture I could cling to that made any kind of sense in the midst of what I was going through:-

A 43:2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

ISA 43:3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

Like Job I will never know WHY? I just know I had to pass through as there was no other options. I hope I am at the end of this testing. That this year I will not have to suffer as I did last year.

I learned that we don’t always get Miracles. Sometimes God lets us go through the suffering and the pain even when you think it is beyond your ability to cope with what you are experiencing. Don’t get angry with God, don’t curse God or even the Devil. Just grit your teeth and know there is an end to every test or trial.

PHP 3:12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

We should not be expecting Heaven here on Earth. Heaven is where we will finally go to and find rest from this Earth. Until then we have to battle with the suffering that comes from sin that has corrupted this Earth. I guess what I’m saying is don’t give up.

2PE 3:11 Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives 12 as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming. That day will bring about the destruction of the heavens by fire, and the elements will melt in the heat. 13 But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness.

Sorry for the long post. I just wanted to share what God did for me in 2010 was to help me not lose my faith and to get through the worst year of my life.


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