I was a horrible sinner

I am reading the bible, according to the way I was, God would have ordered me to be stoned to death. Today I am different, but it makes me wonder. I was born Jewish but I can tell you that Jesus saved me several years ago. I talk to God and pray and try to be obedient but it’s hard, I still have defects of character.

Reading the bible I realize that I was all wrong. No one in my family believes in God. Some of them don’t even like the word God. It makes me feel bad that the way I was and personally I don’t think God hates me but there are so many things I don’t do right still so maybe he does hate me. I don’t know what to do.

What do YOU think?



  1. Timothy Luke says:

    Hey Stephanie,
    God has called you out of sin, this is true. You, nor I, are not yet perfect in our ways, but our whole life is now geared toward overcoming. As imperfect as you are, can you tell me about something you once used to do, but no longer do? You once did not read God’s Word, now you do… that is a beginning. The devil would like to discourage us with how far we have not come. I would like to encourage you that you have begun a journey and God will enable you to complete that journey – one day at a time!
    Be blessed. You are definitely not hated of God… Let me leave you with the Words of Jesus, “Fear not little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the Kingdom.”

    • stephanielyn says:

      Thanks for your response! It is truly welcome as I go through this dark time in my life. The list of things I used to do is pretty long, but no one thought it was bad, it’s just the way I was brought up. Sex before marriage, infidenlity with boyfriends, drinking beer too much, smoking cigs, pot, stuff like that. I always managed to get myself out of bad stuff before it got really bad. I attend 12 step groups, I actually think 12 step groups are good because they teach people about God. I was a new ager. Other than that I always tried to be good but I didn’t know what good was necessarily. I tried not to hurt people but I did with selfishness. I was a primisuous teen, looking for love in all the wrong places. I got used. I got hurt myself. I got in dangerous situations and hooked up with abusive guys. I was saved in 2007/2008. Jesus came to me in dreams before then. I was confused because I was born Jewish so why was Jesus coming to me. Your words helped thank you.

  2. Sunrise says:

    First of all, God does not hate you just because you have what you call “defects of character”. God loves you. He showed the depth of His love when He died on the cross for your sins. The only person who ever lived a completely perfect life was Jesus. So, if you are not as perfect as you would like to be, you are not alone. Don’t let the devil discourage you. Keep on keeping on. How long have you been a Christian?

    • stephanielyn says:

      Thank you, I guess I’ve been saved since 2008 or a bit before then. It’s not really formal just something I know, I remember the day and moment it happened. I was alone. I am also Jewish and do practice some Jewish things now still like Friday candles, and some high holidays. It is helpful to know it is the devil discouraging me. I know God talks to me, I try to talk to him all the time, and then sometimes he will lead me to verses in the bible, and they are always about what I am thinking of or asking about at the time. Remember, I am new to the bible so how would I know which verse to go to? It is God guiding me.

      • Sunrise says:

        I have been a Christian since I was about 12 years old. I just turned 67 last Thursday. I was blessed to be raised in a Christian home. ( I wish every child could be raised in a Christian home, where Jesus is honored. It is the greatest gift a parent can give his or her child.)

        My love for Jesus has grown over the years and I love researching His Word. I love helping people. You are a young Christian, but if you will keep reading and thinking on His Word, you will grow to love Him more each day, also.

        You already know that satan and his demons are our adversaries. They have seen how you have lived in the past and they want you to keep living that way until it destroys you. Their hatred for the human race far exceeds the kind of hatred people have here on earth. However, they cannot defeat God. He is your greatest ally. His love exceeds all other kinds of love. His love is pure and undefiled. He wants you to succeed. He wants you to live the abundant life, not just in heaven, but here on earth. Strive for those things that will make you a better person. If you are doing things that will not make you a better person, stop doing it. If you overcome it, you can help the next person who is struggling with the same thing. I love to see people conquer their problems.

        I know a book that might interest you. It was written by a Jewish man named Michael Evans. It’s called “The Light”. It’s the story of his life and how he came to be a Christian. It is written as a fiction book. Mike heads up an organization called The Jerusalem Prayer Team. He lives in the United States, but he acts as an ambassador between Israel and other nations.

        What kind of friends do you have? It does matter who your friends are. They can either lift you up, or pull you down if you are not careful. Find a Christian who is strong in the faith to help and encourage you to follow Jesus. Anybody that leads you to do things contrary to the Word is not your friend.

        I’ll stop here. Have a good day.

  3. childofjesus says:

    Father in Heaven, i pray for Stephanie your child.Lord, you’ve seen her struggle.She wants to be obedient to you and live a life pleasing to Your Sight.Bless her with Your Character.Father, as she reads you Word, teach her your Ways.May her family see her changed life and come to You.May her entire household be saved.In Jesus Name i pray.

  4. childofjesus says:

    Hi Stephanie,
    If you read the Bible, in John chapter 3 verse 17 it says “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”
    So when you invite Jesus into your Life, He will not condemn you rather give you Life to the full (John Chapter 10 verse 10).He wants to give you peace, joy and happiness.
    If you really want this “Abundant Life”, then surrender all your weakness.Talk to Him about your life.Tell Him how you feel about it. Ask to forgive you.God will remove every defect in your character and bless you with His Character.

    • stephanielyn says:

      Lord I thank you for these responses, please bless these people as they have a good heart to take the time to read my blog and talk to me and help me and pray for me. Thank you Lord for clarifying that it is the negativity of the Devil trying to lure me back into my old ways and away from you. Knowing this will help me keep my eyes on you though I go through this dark time. I pray for good and health and happiness for them and the goodness as you will for them. In Jesus name, amen.

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