I’m in a very horrible place. I’m not sure what is wrong, or exactly what I’ve done and am doing, but I’ll say that I am in sin and for the most part, I like it. I feel like I’m being forced to obey and to repent and to follow Christ. Whatever happened to doing it out of love and choice? Seriously, I just can’t stand this fight. I really want to either be all in or all out, not always straddling the line and playing around with things. Since I was converted I’ve been trying to follow after Christ/Apostles’ examples and I fail miserably and then I walk in sin for a time. Please just pray for me.
Sad to say, but so many things look better than how this life has been. Even becoming a Navy SEAL is more appealing at the moment than the joyless, religious life I’ve been living. This is an option that I plan on pursuing, by the way.