A Man Sent From God

I'm writing to you today, because I lived through a nightmare with a man who was famous for evil. He was refereed to as the "Ted Bundy" of Colorado, (a notorious murderer and rapist). It's an almost unbelievable story. When I cried out to God, he sent a man of God to bring "the Government of God", and the Gospel of His Kingdom into my life! He was as famous for good, as the other guy was famous for evil. He is an ex-Hollywood stuntman, heavy weight boxer, and former body guard of Eveil Knevil. His father was the man Walter Matthaeu portrayed in "The Odd Couple." Anyway, I wrote a story about both men, the one famous for evil, and the one famous for good, and you can read it on line. Psalm 119:92 says, "Unless His judgments had become my delight, my soul would have perished in my affliction." Anyway if you want to read a great true life story of a soul who was delivered from the Kingdom of darkness into the Kingdom of light, and the dear Son of God........!

(By Ceci Sullivan- Part One)

Have you ever met someone, and you knew God had destined your paths to cross? An appointment ordained by God that caused you to know He was watching over your life? You just knew the course of your life was about to dramatically change due to this person? I have, and I knew this man was as a ship passing by me in the night that God had sent my way, to bring light to my darkness, understanding to my questions, and to impart faith to many doubts. Receiving him had everything to do with receiving Jesus, and receiving God, who sent Jesus! He sees with eyes of Faith, Hope and Love, and all who get close to him begin seeing life from a new perspective. Jesus said He gave gifts to men, and he would send Apostles, Prophets, Evangelists, Pastors, and Teachers. I looked to God and he sent a man, a Messenger, to me personally.

Isaiah, a great prophet in the BIBLE said, ?Who is there among you who obeys the voice of the prophet, and walks in darkness and has no light?? Well, I met a prophet, (one who sees), and receiving him, opened my eyes to see things I never had seen before! God sent me a gift, and wrapped it up in the package of a man, and it took a great deal of faith to receive him. This man was a world class stunt man, and a champion heavyweight boxer. He had a famous father whom Walter Matthau portrayed in the movie ?The Odd Couple.?

His mother was an Army Air Corp. pilot, who ferried B-25?s during WW II. She and her partner owned a crop dusting business in Colorado, the state I grew up in. None of these things are what makes this man so special, however. He?s special because he was the one God personally sent my way! Meeting him has changed the direction and destiny of many lives, significantly and forever! Even his mother?s! I wrote about the miracle that happened in the end of her life at the end of my story!

I?ve watched him fight the good fight of faith. His life has been a book of faith for me to read day by day. I have watched his faithfulness to God and God?s faithfulness to him. He?s helped spiritual whimps become spiritual fighters. I?ve watched fat people lose weight and become fit. I?ve met anorexics' who have put on weight. I?ve watched people who were killing themselves by getting drunk on many of life?s ills, reach sobriety! I?ve seen careless, mean men learn how to love, care, and cover their wives and families.

I?ve watched quiet, withdrawn, indifferent older couples learn to have love, passion, and fire in their once bitter cold relationships. Many years of bitter critical thoughts and offenses that had gone undealt with and made them worlds apart. They got answers for their unresolved offenses, they talk about their problems and fears, and have fallen into true love and faith. I?ve known a man who was insane and unable to relate to others, who learned to bring order to his life and thoughts, and to give and receive love.

I met a seventy-eight year old man, bedridden for fifteen years, unable to care for himself or relate with anyone, who was resurrected from his dead condition. I saw him learn to give and receive the love of God. He not only began using the bathroom, but became self sufficient, and thrilled that God in His goodness led him to repentance. He faced his selfishness and changed the way he thought, and decided to love God and others before his life was spent in his hell of self- pity. He went from living by his senses and selfish desires to living life to glorify God. He ended up with the testimony of Jesus, rather than glorifying the works of the evil one.

I met a minister, full of pride, lying, selfishness, and anger, who repented for oppressing God?s people for years. He never wanted to see the correlation between loving those who are begotten of God, and loving God. He repented from being angry, hateful, and indifferent to being kind, caring, and truthful with the men Jesus brought into his life. I met a rich woman who was eating and shopping herself to death (to avoid life?s problems), her God was her belly, not Jesus. She repented, changed her mind. She has lost over 100 pounds, along with her world of lying, confusion, loneliness, and selfishness! She received the people Jesus sent into her life to help her war against the enemies of her soul.

I?ve met whores who lived to seduce and have power over men, who had repented and learned to be givers and helpers, rather than takers and users. I?ve met slobs living in filth and self-indulgence, which have learned to live in restraint and to care for others. I?ve seen depressed, suicidal women who were smoking themselves to death. They were killing themselves, starving themselves, sticking their finger down their throat because they cared mostly about how they were being loved and accepted, not how they were loving and accepting others. They have become givers instead of being takers and users.

The thing all these people had in common is, they saw and received the ones Jesus sent into their lives to help them, and they learned to love and receive one another in honesty and sincerity. Jesus promised to send prophets among us. He also said we would lightly esteem, reject, kill them, and build their graves. I had to be deeply honest with myself, and as my spirit burned within me, I knew God had caused this man who had understanding to the deep things of God to cross the path of my life. His name is Gene (of noble birth) Sullivan (single eye). My name, Cecile, means, blind in one eye, and Jesus said, if your eye is single, your whole body will be filled with light. For the first time in my life, in 1986, my eye was single and I met a man whose whole body is filled with light, because he cares about pleasing God in what he thinks, says, and does. He cares about the effect and influence he has towards others, and teaches others by his example. To God be all honor, praise, and Glory!

I?m the daughter of an Episcopal priest. My father, who is not alive now, but was dead while he lived in his role as a father. He was addressed as Father Strange, and his name was Harvey Strange. As far as I could tell, he was a stranger to Jesus, and though he went through years of seminary, theology, and psychology, and gained the title of Priest, he never learned how to be one to his own children or God?s children. He spoke several languages, but he probably seldom told the truth in any of them. He was overcome by every vice in life: drinking, smoking, overeating, inordinate sexual indulgence, and he was extremely overweight. He was never an example of a faithful overcomer and died alone in his trash, filth, and hundreds of books. He was ever learning, but never came to the knowledge of the truth. He and my mother divorced when I was two years old, and he was a stranger to me. He never proved he loved Jesus by the way he loved us.

I was number six out of seven children, and my mother remarried a man named Jim when I was nine years old. He had no idea how to cope with children, and though he attended church faithfully, he didn?t have a clue how to reach me. He was a cold, indifferent, critical man, and he had no father, spiritually or carnally, to show him how to love children. Though he fulfilled outward obligations and duties, he constantly was inwardly cursing me. He had a relationship with his religious ceremony, not Jesus, The Way, The Truth, and The Life! As he was dying of cancer when I was 16, his heart was broken because he knew he hadn?t known Jesus and wasn?t able to impart the spirit of life to us. I forgave him, then he died.

Our home always had people in it, but I was a desperate, lonely, deceitful, and a pitiful little girl. No one really knew where I was at spiritually or how to help me. We attended church regularly, read to God, and told God and each other what we thought we should to keep the family boat from rocking. We were religious and deceitful. I watched the adults hold bitterness and offenses in their hearts, and I imitated them well, as children do. Jim had no idea how to deal with his anger, and he lit one Camel filter-less cigarette after another. He was constantly aggravated, and I was always feeling rejected. We cared mainly for how we were all being affected selfishly by each other, and we didn?t have answers to help one another, and we didn?t care that we didn?t care!! The emphasis was trying not to be part of the problem because there was emotional abuse and abandonment to pay if you were part of the problem. It was life without Jesus, life without passion and love, but we went to church every Sunday, and as the proverb says, "Flattery works ruin."

I seemed to expose much of the emotional and spiritual things that we were hiding. So many parents excuse themselves and accuse their children. Not much was learned in our suffering, and I knew I would be doomed to repeat my parents mistakes if I didn?t look to Jesus for help. I didn?t talk about what was going on inside of me. Being open and honest with love and faith, wasn?t part of the game plan. There was an atmosphere of fear especially regarding Jesus having the provision to meet our material needs. I always felt it was a hardship for my parents to provide for me and I transferred this into my relationship and beliefs about Jesus. My brother taught me to steal, and fear and torment were normal to me. I?ve found that those who don?t have faith for Jesus to satisfy their needs, will always steal in one form or another, even if it?s affection that can?t ever be satisfied by human relationships.

When I was eight years old, I went to see the movie ?Bambi? with my older sisters. I went into the bathroom during the movie, and a man held me at gun point, took me upstairs to sexually molest me. He told me he would kill me if I screamed. I had no idea what sex was. He pulled down his pants and I ran down the stairs, expecting to get shot in the back. I was taken to the hospital, then I spent the next two days looking at mug shots of molesters in the police department. I think that is when fear and torment became ?normal? to me. It?s as if thinking it?s normal to be in a concentration camp. It?s like having a bad guy living with you in your house that everyone is indifferent towards and familiar with.

When I was 13, I thought all the family problems were because of me, so I ran away from home. I was convinced I wasn?t worthy of my stepfather's love. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I dated older men. I was looking for the comfort of a father that little girls long for, and when they don?t receive it, they often look somewhere else for it. I didn?t know the comfort of my Father in heaven or on the earth. Ezekiel 16 puts it this way, ?she wasn?t swaddled, clothed, or washed,? (emotionally and spiritually). I was a lost, rebellious little girl with no one to give me the correction of God?s Spirit based on his word. They weren?t led by The Spirit of Jesus.

We had a form of religious peace, but it was not God?s peace, the peace that comes from having honest, open, sincere, and humble relationships with one another. We told each other what we wanted to hear, to keep the artificial peace. We went to church and read to God because we thought it to be the ?right? thing to do. We fulfilled outward obligations and duties, birthday cards, presents, and the observation of special days. We didn?t know how to deal with bitter, critical, offended thoughts with each other, so the special days were never very special. We went to church but we had life without God?s help to deal with the divisions, accusations and evil-imaginations in our hearts. No one knew how to fight the good fight of faith and love, so we avoided each other, avoided the problems, and had a pleasant way of lying to each other to keep the artificial peace. I left this lonely family that I could never graft into because of pretense, at age 14. I was a desolate heart looking to use men to get what I needed and letting them use me.

At age 18, I met Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde, and fell in lust with him. He was cute and what I thought to be a ?good catholic boy.? (I didn?t know about the murderer and rapist who was lying dormant within his soul, waiting for the opportunity to appear.) Years later, Michael was referred to as the ?Ted Bundy? of Colorado. Ted Bundy was a notorious serial rapist and murderer. This is when my nightmare really began.

I was working for my friend?s mother. She and her husband owned a large apartment complex. I had a variety of jobs that required me to retain a master key. My new found knight in shining armor, Michael, had been staying in my apartment while I was on a trip. Unknowingly to me, he had duplicated my master key. A few days after I returned from my trip, I was awakened around 4 a.m. to a very bloody scene. A woman was attacked in her bed. She had crawled from door to door leaving a bloody trail behind her, trying to get help, and seeing her blood all over the walls and ceiling, from door to door, utterly devastated me. I went to visit her in the hospital, and she was barely able to open her eyes. It was hard to believe she had survived such a hostile attack. The experience totally shook me, and I went over to my new boyfriend?s house to tell him about it, with no clue he had been the perpetrator! One of the detectives had said something about hairy arms, which made me think of Michael, because I had just been thinking a few days earlier about how hairy his arms were, but I totally discounted that it could have been him. I was familiar with ignoring God?s still small voice.

We ended up moving into a house together, and I went to work for a health food store. One night while at work, I got a call from my childhood friend?s uncle, Ron. He had been like an uncle to me too. He was a psychologist for a large corporation, and had written college psychology textbooks. I idolized him as a young teenager. His influence in my life caused me to believe I could find answers in psychology. I subscribed to Psychology Today, and other magazines that were similar. As Isaiah the Prophet put it, ?Woe unto those who go down to Egypt for their help.? That?s where Ron went, and I followed in his footsteps. The help Ron got from Egypt, ended with a shocking tragedy.

Ceci

 

(By Ceci Sullivan- Part Two )

Ron called to invite me to his home. I called Michael to tell him I would be going to see him across town and he said the snowfall was very heavy, and the roads were hazardous, and I should visit another time, so I didn?t go. A few evenings later as Michael and I were watching the evening news. We were horrified to learn what Ron?s plans were that snowy evening. He had invited not only me, but my friend Lori, and Ron?s three children. His son was the only one who showed up. He was quite larger than Ron, but Ron managed to beat his son to death with a lamp. He then drove to Las Vegas, got into the bathtub, slit his wrists and committed suicide.

Incidents like these often make me wonder how many times the angels of God have guarded and protected us. I?m sure we?ll all be shocked to see how busy we have kept them. I used to stroll around parks at night, lost, lonely and confused, parks where women are raped and murdered on a regular basis. I was afraid of things I shouldn?t have been, and not afraid of things I should have been.

After four months of living with Michael, we married. We had the permission of the state, the Catholic, and Episcopal churches who both gave us premarital counseling! Too bad they never suggested we turn from our godless, independent ways. They never even suggested we were serving ourselves, not Jesus. The words sin, fornication, and repentance weren?t mentioned. We were happy doing our own thing, and we thought Jesus wasn't looking. We cared little about Jesus anyway back then. We were doing our own thing and just expected God to put His stamp of approval on it, just as the state and church did. We never consulted with the inventor and ORDAINER of marriage. We were doing our own thing our own way. The church and state blessed us, and sent us on our way. God wasn?t obligated to bless something
He had nothing to do with and wasn?t included in.

Neither Michael nor I were facing the truth about ourselves. We watched soap-operas and night sit-coms to avoid our life?s problems. We lived life deceiving and being deceived. Looking back, I knew something was wrong, but I had no idea what it felt like to live in honest, open relationships. We didn?t see how wrong it was to live life without a relationship with the one who created us, the one who has the blueprint to help us fulfill the master plan of our life. I was unfamiliar with the still small voice, of God?s Holy Spirit. I ignored what I knew to be right, by joining myself and submitting to a man of deceit. I obeyed my senses and lust, and selfish desires, and I reaped it in the relationship I chose. God was not mocked, what I sowed is what I reaped. It took years for me to see my ways were not God?s ways, I was sowing to my flesh, and reaping corruption. I know now I have to sow to the Spirit, to reap LIFE in Jesus.

Two months into my marriage, I became pregnant with our first daughter. Two weeks before my due date I had a dream Michael had killed someone. In horror I woke up so distressed I went into labor. He had come home late from work with his pants wet. He was drunk. I remembered as I folded clothes, and watched the evening news that a story came on about a girl being raped and murdered close by. It never dawned on me that was why he had come home with wet pants. I remember feeling afraid that someone in our neighborhood was murdered. Little did I know I was living with the murderer. I knew he was mean and lied, and drank too much. I called myself married, but felt so alone. I vowed ?until death do we part,? but I couldn?t attach to him because of his dark, secret life. I had never really had anyone to attach to before; that loneliness that always haunted me was still ever present. I had my own compulsive problems, my own destructive comforts.

There were things I turned to because I didn?t know the peace and comfort of God, mainly overeating. I joined Over-eaters Anonymous. I remember coming face to face with my bad attitudes about God, and I blurted out a prayer. ?God, if you?re real, please show me.? The next few months I started having a perception of evil. I could sense the darkness around me as never before.

I visited a neighborhood church. Many of the women were involved in Alcoholics Anonymous. I began thinking Michael might be an alcoholic. He was always lying, drinking, and he had a definite dark force around him. I ended up leaving him to help him face his problem. Two weeks later, he came to talk to me. He confessed to his drinking problem along with criminal offenses he was responsible for. He told me about the infidelities he had committed. Late into the night, he told me he had done things God could not forgive him for. I said ?well what did you do, kill someone?? In his silence and failure to respond, he was sending me a loud message.

Yes, he had killed someone. I quietly left the room. My body was shaking and trembling. For the first time in my life I sensed a good whiff of hell. I was seeing the reality of heaven and hell, right before my eyes. I knew then, God was real, the devil was real, there was evil and good and I knew which side of the fence I wanted to be on! I walked and jogged around the neighborhood until the sun came up and I came upon the little church I had been attending. The priests were having an early morning meeting. They saw the horror on my face and sat me down to talk. I told them Michael had confessed to murder, attempted murder, kidnapping, brutal beatings, rape, and a whole string of crimes. I thought I was going to have a heart attack right there. I was three months pregnant and I started having a miscarriage.

We called Michael and had him come over to the church. He evasively confessed his sins. They told him he was an alcoholic, and he should stop drinking. They told him to go and sin no more, his sins were forgiven. Through the years, even though we spoke with many priests, pastors, and counselors, none of them ever suggested he turn himself in, or repent to those he had harmed.

We began to faithfully attend AA. We learned about Michael?s disease. The truth is his disease was because he was holding the love of sin his heart, and was demonized. He was given over to demonic spirits by his own will and lustful desires. We prayed regularly, but Psalm 66:18 says when you hold the love of sin in your heart, God won?t hear you when you pray! I don?t think our prayers were going very far. We had surrounded ourselves with people who made many excuses for our sins, because they wanted excuses for their own sins. We got involved with self-improvement Christian programs. I talked to Priest after Priest, person after person. I knew we were really missing something, and things weren?t right. The still small voice of God wasn?t letting me be content in my false peace.

I rode the bus downtown to the library one day with our nine-month-old baby. I looked through old papers, scanned micro film for hours, and could find nothing. Somehow, I thought if I could come up with any specific information about certain crimes, I could go to the authorities. What about the mother of the woman he murdered? It seemed only right that he should tell her he was sorry and had a drinking problem, a disease like AA was telling us he had. I know now calling his sin a disease was a sorry excuse for his lack of love for Jesus. He loved to commit crimes, and loved to think about committing crimes. That?s what no one was willing to be honest about. Looking back now, years after the fact, it shocks me to think of all the professionals we consulted, and that no one ever suggested to him he could get relief for his guilty conscience if he would turn himself in....."if you confess and forsake your sin, you will find mercy!"

We psychoanalyzed our past. We went to all kinds of therapy and counseling. We were hypnotized, we visualized Jesus, meditated, went through all our past memories pretending and acting out things that didn?t really happen. I read many books, and believed he would be all right if he didn?t drink. We blamed father, mother, sister, brother, the catholic church, the nuns, childhood events, anything to shift responsibility towards someone else. We accused others and excused ourselves, and of course ?the devil made me do it? seemed like the best of excuses. I searched and psychoanalyzed him for years to find answers for why men lust and rape. (They lust and rape, because that?s what they want to do!) My oldest sister gave me a book called ?Inside The Criminal Mind.? That was when the dark things really began coming into the light. Jesus said it?s my FOOD to do the will of Him who sent me. I started seeing it was Michael?s food to commit, and think about committing crimes.

We attended church, counseling, and AA regularly. All was looking well on the outside, but deep within, there was a big disturbance in the force. We had two more children over the next few years. I was awakened by a loud banging at the door one night; our third child was just a few months old. Michael had a late night job at a convenience store, and I assumed he had just gotten home. I heard him yell at me, ?bring me a towel,? from the living room. At the door was a young woman who lived across the street. She said she had been raped by a Hispanic man. We called 911, and when the police arrived, she proceeded to tell the account of her attack. I remember feeling numb inside as I sensed the still small voice of God telling me something was wrong. I couldn?t go back to sleep. That morning I went to see one of the priests who had counseled us. I told him I couldn?t live with Michael, because every time I heard of a rape, I feared it was him. I came away from my session with the priest?s words ringing in my ears, ?Why can?t you forgive, forget, and move on with things in your life?? I just assumed all was my fault and I was being paranoid over nothing, and needed more hypnosis.

We even started getting secular counseling (they could and should have turned him in), and Michael always had a way of shedding a bad light on me to get the heat off himself. As the days went on I felt in my heart Michael had raped the woman across the street. I even went to help her move out of her house and ask her more questions, to see if I could put my suspicions to rest. He was such a good criminal, and did such sneaky things to discredit the crime scene towards looking to him as the criminal, things like wearing size 14 boots, when he really wore size 12. The girl he raped said the rapist didn?t speak English, so I thought I was just unable to cope with the past. The clergy recommended biofeedback, transcendental meditation and hypnosis to help me deal with my fear and stress. We also had a fire in our home shortly after that, so I put the incident on the ?back burner.?

Another home, another baby later, another disturbing incident to shake the false peace we lived in. Michael?s business partner came over one morning and announced his next door neighbor had been raped. I had noticed Michael lusting after her before. (He had a really sneaky way of moving his eyes around without moving his head). Some women fail to see the messages they give men by the way they dress. Men justify acting like dogs when women dress seductively, not that they are justified. Anyway, deep in my heart, I wondered if Michael had done it. After asking him a few questions, he turned the light on his partner. He told me what a bad problem with lust the guy had, and how he was trying to help him by sharing his testimony with him. I swallowed it, hook, line, and sinker. He always knew what to say.

Ceci

Ceci

 

(By Ceci Sullivan- Part Three )

I still felt as if I lived in a prison with him. I asked Jesus to show me what was wrong. I couldn?t attach to him. We were indifferent to each other. I had four small children to keep me busy and he was busy with his contracting business. Neither of us had EVER been familiar with close, open, honest, accountable relationships in our lives, so it was life as usual.

His actions spoke volumes to me. He said he loved me, but he behaved as if the kids and I weren?t there most of the time. We looked like the struggling religious family on the outside, but I knew in my heart something was missing on the inside. One day I told him to tell me the truth because his actions did anyway. Our marriage was a facade, and our religion together was hypocrisy. He had a form of seeking God to try to pacify me, but he didn?t seek the truth out of his own spiritual hunger. We lived in private little worlds apart from each other, calling ourselves married, with no spirit of marriage.

In the church we attended, I learned a crafty way of praying. The underlying message is, ?I can control God through my prayers, and He will control you.? It?s a very subtle form of witchcraft, and it just about shipwrecked my faith. I recited prayers with the belief that if I filled in a certain person?s name on the dotted line, God would be obligated to control them. ?If you pray it, God is obligated to yield to your prayer.? I didn?t realize that God doesn?t work through control and manipulation because of our prayers. He does, however, work through influence and persuasion. We don?t just automatically have authority over people, places, and things because of our prayers. This kind of teaching was very devastating to me.

I thought Jesus didn?t love me anymore when He wouldn?t ?control? Michael into obeying Him. I had a real ?Burger King? mentality of Jesus (Give me things my way and I?ll love and serve You.) I wasn?t living for God, and His Kingdom, Jesus, or His people and purposes. I lived for MY thoughts, MY ways, MY kingdom, and MY world, but declared myself to be a Christian. I served The Jesus of my imagination, not the Jesus in the Bible! I thought God would conform His life to mine, I didn?t know I had to die to my ways and conform to His Kingdom to have His peace.

A year later a miracle was about to take place. Michael came home with a hurt ankle. I didn?t watch much TV or read newspapers, so I wasn?t aware of an attempted rape that had occurred in our area. The next day, Michael hadn?t gone to church with me. I came home to find him crying (which is very unusual for a prideful man). I went to nap for a few minutes and found myself in a half awake, half asleep state of dreaming. I saw myself in a big open field with a wooden cross about ten feet tall in front of me, and many large, filled trash bags behind me. I heard a voice say, ?Pick up those nails and hammer, and nail those trash bags on that cross.?

As I began to nail them on, the cross began to grow. The next thing I knew, I was looking down on the planet earth, floating above it. The cross had outgrown the planet. I began to see that God was much bigger than my small little mind had imagined Him.

During some of my darkest hours, I saw how I limited God through my ignorance and lack of faith. The following day, I went to a women?s Christian Luncheon, and upon returning home, I found a note on the door from a local sheriff. He called when Michael got home. I just assumed he wanted some contracting work done. Michael proceeded to tell me some off-the-wall story (which most of the time I bought).

This time however, I didn?t believe a word he said. I had a sense, that he had hurt someone. I paid attention to the still small voice talking to me for one of the first times.

Just as Jesus had opened my eyes to ?perceive? evil seven years earlier, I perceived Michael was lying! (I had also recently asked Jesus to open my eyes to see.) I believe when we pray in honesty, sincerely with faith regarding ourselves He will hear our cry. After Michael finished his long, tedious, deceitful story, I looked him straight in the eyes and said, ?I?m sorry you haven?t gotten the help you need.?

He went from being well composed, to shaking and trembling. He told me that he had a problem, which had nothing to do with me and ran out the door. I went to the neighbor?s house. They didn?t get the paper, and they had no TV. I told the woman I thought Michael had hurt someone. She mentioned receiving a call to pray for a woman who was sunbathing in the nude, and someone had tried to rape her. The man fled when the woman cried out ?Jesus, help me.?

When she said the assailant had jumped off a cliff and ran off, I put two and two together, about why Michael had come home limping. After speaking with my friends, we decided to call the police. I was in a state of total shock. It?s not every day, well maybe it does happen frequently, that a woman picks up the phone to end her life as she knows it, to turn her husband in. It was hard for me to believe a man would choose to act that way, totally disregarding any love or respect for his wife and children. I was panic stricken with fear. The world as I knew it had just come crashing down, and I had little faith Jesus could help me pick up the pieces.

Michael came back home. I was ready to give up the ?he has a disease? philosophy. The "devil made him do it?, seemed a bit too evasive to swallow anymore. He was making bad choices, and we had tried all kinds of ?therapies?, and he was still choosing to make bad choices. The psalmist put it this way, ?they eat the bread of wickedness, they drink the wine of violence, and they don?t sleep until they do evil. They make haste to shed innocent blood.?

I tried everything but turning him in. For years I was advised that I didn?t have enough information, but nothing had successfully stopped him from hurting others. I knew he needed to be stopped, no matter what the cost. I knew my life would be in danger for calling the police, but I didn?t care. The Lord put a resolve in my heart that I was not going to allow anyone to cause me to deny any longer. He walked in the house, took one look at me, and he knew what I had done. He read me like a book, and the spirit of ?murder? was glaring in his eyes.

He had a wicked way of staying in control of me. There was an eerie silent voice that screamed ?Do what I say, don?t cross my will or I?ll kill you.? You couldn?t hear the words, but you could feel them in the air. I said to Michael, ?If you loved me and you had done all you could to help me stop hurting people, and I didn?t stop, what would you do??

He stared at me with his murderous eyes, while I prayed silently for Jesus to protect the kids and me. I knew he was very unstable, and he ran out of the house in a rage. I knew an emotional volcano was about to erupt. I wasn?t sure where he was going or what he would do, but I knew a miracle had taken place. Jesus promises to bring the hidden things of darkness to the light. He said there is nothing hidden that will not be revealed. For the first time since meeting Michael, I saw clearly his deceit and wickedness. I saw it was his ?food? to do evil.

This event began some of the darkest hours of my life. I took our four small children, and left to go stay at my mom?s house. I was tormented. Where was he? What was he doing? Would he come and take the kids? Would he kill me for turning him in?

After five days of not eating, and little sleep, Michael called on the phone. I asked him about the woman that lived next to his business partner. He confessed to being the one who had raped her. I asked him about the girl who lived across the street who had been raped a couple of years earlier, and he admitted he was responsible for that too. All I could say to him is ?do what you have never done, tell the truth, maybe it will set you free.?

He decided to turn himself in, but controlled and manipulated the whole thing, which was his usual style. He had the sheriff, pastor, a lawyer from the church, and me meet him in a park by our home. The lawyer brought a colleague and together they advised him not to confess, but try to work out a plea bargain. The pastor had no opinion, but the Sheriff and I were indignant. That ?still small voice? was telling me, ?This is not true repentance.?

The Sheriff?s Department didn?t have enough evidence to hold him, in spite of all I had told them about. I realized why all the past counselors had advised against me turning him in. The hard reality of prosecuting a criminal today is that they just about have to commit the crime on the doorstep of the police department to be prosecuted, and convicted.

Michael?s brother drove across the state when he heard what was going on, to see if he could help. His only, and older brother, treats sexual offenders for a living. He employs physiologists in his clinic that treats the sexual offenders in a big metropolis city. He travels the country giving seminars on how to treat sexual offenders, and has been doing this all the years his brother has been a sexual offender! His comment to Michael was, ?I can?t believe you would hurt a fly.?

There are so many things I could tell about the shocking details of this story. To tell it all would truly take a book. I still marvel that my children and I lived through it, and I know God sent Ministering Angels to help us. I know without Jesus in my life and the power of His Holy Spirit, I would have ended up in an insane asylum, dying of self-pity, with no understanding and ability to put together the pieces of my past. We have to
understand our past to change our future.

For the next few months, I lived life on the run, like an animal being hunted. We stayed in shelters. I stayed in a friend's vacated house. He was like a predator who had lost control of his prey. The police were trying to protect me. The stress was tremendous, and it was taking its toll on me. I was an emotional wreck. I was tired, sick, terrified, and exhausted. My days were filled with panic and terror, wondering if he would ?catch? the kids and me. I had a lot of faith for destruction and little faith for salvation.

I ended up going to stay with the mother of my childhood best friend. She was in great fear for our lives, and invited us to hide out in her home. We began to talk, and she thought the information she had about a murder Michael had committed, varied from the information I had. I began wondering if there was a discrepancy in the information I had given the Sheriff?s Department months earlier.

I began calling the different county authorities where I thought he had committed rapes, kidnappings, and attempted murder. The regular investigator was on vacation. The man I spoke with miraculously happened to be going through old files - (Which they rarely ever do!) As I spoke, he said, ?I?m driving across town right now to come and see you.? He did, and he had a drawing by the police artist through a description of a woman Michael had kidnapped, raped, and tried to murder. It looked just like him. They had fingerprints, and thought they may be able to arrest him.

I called another county where I thought a murder had taken place. The detective went downstairs to the ?archives? and dug up a file of an old murder. After he looked at the file he stated, ?You wouldn?t know the details you know, if you hadn?t talked to the murderer.? Both of the detectives looked shocked and bewildered they had not received more information from the county I had originally given details to months earlier. I was horrified. Why were these counties withholding critical information from each other? Why were they allowing a murderer to be on the loose and failing to communicate vital information? Were they in some kind of competition to catch him first? Also, what a miracle God did, by allowing me to come there and have this happen.

(By Ceci Sullivan - Part Four )

It became apparent to me that I was going to have to stay personally involved if Michael was to be arrested and brought to justice. The investigators questioned why I hadn?t come forth at an earlier date. I had to admit that, because of advice given to me in the past, by many church officials and leaders, I wouldn?t make a judgment that agreed with my own conscience. Even counselors that didn?t vow to silence because of priestly vows, didn?t go to officials.

In all the multitudes of friends and church members I spoke with over the years, no one ever suggested to give information I knew about Michael to the authorities. I began to see how terrible the church?s position on ?not making a judgment? really is. In fact, Jesus said ?judge righteous judgment.? Looking back on it now, and remembering all the people I spoke with who have great influence and authority over peoples? lives who failed to see the violation of conscience Michael lived in, scares me. We all make judgments about things and people anyway. To say we don?t is to lie. It?s what we do about the judgments we make that either pleases or displeases God that matters!

How could he even think of knowing forgiveness when he failed to go to those he offended? There was a responsibility he needed to fulfill. A decency and order in taking responsibility for what he had done. I always asked the question, ?What about the mothers who have lost daughters? Shouldn?t Michael at least let them know he was an alcoholic and has stopped drinking and was sorry?" No one could ever answer that, and I knew in my heart that wasn?t right. The truth is he loved to use women, control them, and gratify his lust regardless of who got hurt. Everyone was willing to excuse his behavior because of alcohol. The disease, was a scapegoat for sin.

Looking back on our church experiences, we never met a man who had taken the log of lust from his own eye, so he could see clearly what to do with Michael. (At least no one who was willing to come clean with their lust problem). What man growing up in this day and age could possibly escape life without having to deal with lust? When you excuse your own wrong behavior, you?re more than willing to excuse the wrong behavior of others, not help them face the truth, and do what?s right. I have come to love the Judgment Jesus talks about! The bible says God loves judgment and we will be saved by judgment! As Psalm 119 puts it ?unless I had made God?s judgments my delight, my soul would have perished in my affliction!? Jesus judged the robbers in His Father?s house. He whipped them and threw them out! He continually judged people's problems, and told them specifically what it was and gave them the cure. Jesus came for judgments sake, not to condemn, but to save.

I had the feeling that the detectives would have been indignant towards my apathy had it not been for their own organizational incompetence in transferring the information I had given months earlier. I never did get an answer why there had been such a gross failure to communicate information between counties. Michael could have been arrested months earlier.

There was a serial murderer and rapist loose in Denver during the time I found him out. When he was actually arrested, God only knows what criminal behavior he was up to in those months. I consider it a miracle I stayed with my friend?s mother. She provoked me to call and discover critical information had been withheld. This event did lead to his arrest weeks later. Who knows how long the system would have taken, or if he ever would have been apprehended and convicted without one phone call, without making a judgment and following through with it.

Hopeless and despairing, my mom had no idea what to do with me. I was on drugs for depression, and was sick and melting away from stress and lack of sleep. I was falling off the deep end of hopelessness, flipping out. My mom took me across the state to an Adult Children Of Alcoholics Clinic run by a priest she knew from her past. After I was there two weeks, they told me I needed to leave, because I was endangering the lives of others if Michael showed up.

I packed up the kids and me in the morning and right before I left, a detective called. They wanted my help to find Michael and arrest him. They told me to make a plan to meet him somewhere, and instead of me being there, they would show up and capture him. I suggested his parent?s home. Then I called and left messages with people we knew. He called me back and I arranged to meet him. I went to the city with the kids and rented a motel room until they called me to inform me they had apprehended him.

I was nervous all night and feared Michael might recognize the car, because the motel was right off the highway. I tried to hide it the best I could. I cried with relief upon receiving a call the next day - they had broken the door down and had him in custody. They staked out the neighborhood, which I?m sure was terrifying to the whole neighborhood. I knew it was questionable how long they could hold him, or if his relatives would help him make bail.

Everything was resting on his willingness to confess. My relief was short lived when I received a call from the authorities that he was not cooperating. When he called me from jail, I told him I didn?t have the strength to take care of the kids and me and I wasn?t going to speak to him again unless he made a full confession. He had already spent thousands of the taxpayers? dollars with his manipulation and control.

I started thinking, ?If I had murdered and done the things he had, I would say I?m sorry and I?m worthy of death, and let the chips fall where they may.? I knew he wasn?t really sorry. He was sorry for himself, and he still didn?t care about pleasing God. I wasn?t willing to be his conscience anymore. He ended up making a full confession the next day, but only to stay in control of the kids and me. It was my requirement, and he had fulfilled it, not because of his convictions, but mine. I was seeing how truly sick our relationship was, and always had been.

Though he was locked up, I was tormented with the possibility of him making bail. The state had let him go after a psychological evaluation before his arrest. They said he showed no signs of mental or emotional disturbance. They were trying to prove him insane. They wouldn?t let him confess. They were trying to protect him and get him off the hook. It was insane!

Friends and relatives helped with my kids. The stress was just about unbearable. Life didn?t seem worth living. How could we ever outlive the effects of the father-husband murderer? Aren?t the sins of the fathers passed onto the children? What hope would my children have? I was traumatized, and they were traumatized. I felt dead inside, and was terrified they might still let him go.

My sister offered to take care of my baby for awhile. I thought they would all be better off without me - without the remembrance of Michael and me. Too bad they weren?t all babies and could put this nightmare behind them. Michael had terrorized our oldest daughter, and her teacher by kidnapping her from school, and trying to drive her across the state line. He turned around when he realized he was being followed, and couldn?t escape with her.

I considered the power of words, the song that was going on in my heart. You see, when I was nine years old, I learned to sing and play the guitar. The first song I learned was about a railroad boy who forsook his girl. She hung herself to death. I sang the song over and over as a kid. Now, the man of my dreams had forsaken me and I?m left suicidal. The song of my childhood came true. The power and spell music has in lives can be devastating. I needed Jesus to put a new song in my heart.

Nine months later as I was returning from a Christian retreat, my car broke down. I ended up very near to where Michael was being held and sentenced for murder. I felt God?s destiny in my going to the hearing, and after what happened, I knew it was. As I sat in the courtroom, watching some of Michael?s victims come in, one girl in particular with a long scar across her neck, I didn?t think I could handle it.

I went downstairs to a cafeteria, unable to control my tears. A young police officer addressed me, and asked if he could help me. I told him the circumstances of why I was there, and he told me what circumstances had brought him there. He was the family representative for his niece Michael had murdered. Her 13 brothers and sisters were too enraged to come. I was shocked as the realization hit me....I was standing in front of the uncle of one of Michael?s dead victims! A sobering sad reality of lost life.

He was kind as he took me back upstairs. The bailiff addressed me and told me the Judge and Michael wanted to see me. Michael was losing his nerve to confess. I realized why I was there, and I began to preach to Michael regarding confessing as the right and only thing to do, and I was indignant in my position. I told him it wasn?t right to put conditions on the consequences and he should accept them, come what may if he was truly sorry.

Well, against the advice of his counsel, and the pressure of my being there, his attorney plead guilty. He went on to give all the reasons why Michael was a good criminal and should be rewarded for his honorable behavior. The judge then delivered a powerful, anointed address to the courtroom. He said, ?Woe unto us the day we reward criminals for doing what is right and their obligation to do in merely confessing and owning up to their crimes.?

After all the sentencing was over, Michael received 150 years. He would be a free man today had he not confessed. He never has faced responsibility for many of the crimes he committed, because of the statute of limitations. Detectives from ten counties met to discuss the possibility of solving murders Michael could be linked to. I received two phone calls saying they would give him amnesty if he would confess to the murders they thought he was responsible for. I doubt I will ever fully know the extent of the PRIVATE life he led apart from me in our time together.

I was beginning to face the multitude of bad counsel I had received from religious leaders. Michael was begging me from prison to ?do things his way.? I knew in my heart I was his umbilical cord to his God conscience, and the cord must be cut. Wasn?t divorce the unpardonable sin? The bible says ?what God has joined , let no man cut in half.? The downright truth was, God never joined us together! Our sin, compromise, and selfishness joined us. God had nothing to do with it, and we had lived a life apart from Jesus. His Spirit, The Spirit Of Truth, hadn?t been a part of our union, and that?s why we could never truly be joined.

I finally became willing to call dead something that had never lived (our relationship)! I got the feeling from the religious circles we were in, that I was committing a sin greater than murder. The truth is, Michael had always been joined to his love of crime. The spirit of divorce was always alive and well in our relationship, long before we got a paper from the state to validate the fact.

We had lived in a state of divorce from the day we were supposedly married. Michael was irate, because he would lose points, and privilege with the prison board if I were to leave him. I had been taking the children to jail to see him and it was devastating them. They only knew the Dr. Jeckyl dad, not Mr. Hyde. I didn?t know what to do about taking the kids to see him. The church was telling me I needed to love him unconditionally, but I wasn?t sure I was doing the right thing for my kids. I plopped open my bible and I told God I needed Him to show me what to do. The first thing my eyes fell upon was a scripture that says, ?Because of the pride of the land, no one shall go out or come in, and then they will know that I am God.?

Pride was something Michael and I had discussed time and again. I realized pride was the number one thing on the list of things God hates in Proverbs 6. Lying was number two. I knew he continually lied to me to present a false front. He always lied to protect his pride, and God is never mocked. What you sow....is what you will reap. Every tree will eventually bear fruit for all to see.

Watching Michael?s face on TV continually, and in the newspapers, caused great shame to come upon me. For a year and a half, I went to bed wanting to die, and woke up in the same condition. I believed we could never outlive the reproach that had come upon us. I hid in a lonely world of depression thinking no one, not even Jesus, could understand. The door of my heart was wide open for destruction and despair to come in, and in they did come.

I remember watching the movie ?The Never Ending Story? with the kids. The Big Nothing was destroying the land. That?s what was destroying me! I had daydreams of how much better we might be if we departed from this world. The baby was gone, she was staying with my sister, and would never remember Michael, and the horrors we were living through.

I went to church and was pitied, and found I was feeling increasingly sorry for myself and depressed when I left. The bible says ?without vision, (understanding), the people rot from the inside out!!? It also says, ?Because you don?t have faith in the operation of God, you will be destroyed, and not built up.?

No one had any understanding to help me. I knew I could spend a lifetime with people pitying me, and it didn?t seem too appealing. I had come to realize that many times, those who pity you will end up despising you. The life of Jesus isn?t in your soul when it brings you life to have others pity you!! Feeling sorry for myself and the kids, was killing me. It was draining away what little faith and hope I had. Focusing on me, myself and I, and my fear was tormenting, to say the least.

I was realizing I didn?t really know The Lord of my faith, and that the only kingdom I understood was man?s kingdom. My world of fear, doubt, and unbelief was crashing down on me. I remember thinking my life was one pile of.......(dung). What good could possibly come from it? I heard that still small voice in my head say, ?I use dung to make fertile ground!?

(By Ceci Sullivan- Part Five )

I got to the place where I hoped I could just be at peace with God. I evaluated every bad thing about my life and myself, and looked at every good thing. I saw that none of my past sin could keep me from God, and none of my goodness and good works would make me acceptable in His sight. I realized for the first time that JESUS was my ticket to God. All I wanted was for Him to say "Well done thy good and faithful servant, enter in!" If I could just know I had been pleasing to God for one day, I could rest in peace. I wanted to know Him! I wasn't looking for a knight in shining armor to save me. I had been through enough hardship with men to know my help wasn't coming through man.

One night, after Michael was gone for months, a man came to talk to me about a convention that was in town. He was an out-of-state speaker, and quite attractive. I didn't have peace when he came, and his true intentions were soon revealed. With the kids asleep in the other room, he began to try and seduce me. I was talking to him about my Christianity, and I wasn't interested in sleeping with him. He got hostile, and loudly proclaimed I was checked out of reality, and I shouldn't put my values on him. I don?t think he had many women deny him, and he was furious. I knew I had injured his pride. I thought for a time he might just rape me. He slammed the door in his fury, and left.

I hurried around making sure the windows were locked, shaking and panicked. I said to the Lord, I'll know when You bring a man into my life, because he won't require me to have sex before we marry. He will care more for you, and doing right by me, than gratifying his sexual desire. I realized I had settled for "hot-dogs" all my life. I was a "hot-dog".....a compromiser, and I had reaped what I sown. I determined, "If I can't have steak, I'm not going to eat at all." I was going to live to please God, and I would only settle for a man who lived to please God, and he would prove it by his actions!

I wasn't going to use men to get what I needed, and I wasn't going to be used by them. I also never dreamed there was a man who would take on the four children of a murderer and rapist. I was content to dwell alone. I hated the thought of having fatherless children, however. I remember one day when my son of age four said, "Mommy, does daddy have to eat breakfast in a cage?" It broke my heart. I had to get in touch with the fact that there was still a little girl in me crying out to know the love of a father. I sat on the floor with the kids and we cried together. I knew God says He is a Father to the fatherless, and I cried out a prayer, "Where are you?" If He told me then that He was about to send men into my life, I would have said, "Please cancel that prayer!"

The many months Michael had been locked up, I had divorced him and realized I couldn't be his conscience any longer. His parents who lived across the state were coming to visit regularly. They had taken me to court to maintain some control in their relationship with the kids. We had been divorced a while, but a Catholic Priest attended our wedding, and they were convinced we were still married in the sight of God. Things were quite strained as they were having a hard time facing the reality of Michael's criminal life, but they made sure they came and played with and took the kids out to eat.

On one such occasion, they asked me to go eat with them. We went to a restaurant I didn't frequent, but a turning point in my destiny was about to take place. I gazed over at a table and noticed an attractive man reading a Bible. You don?t see people reading Bibles in restaurants often, especially a man who looks like a movie star. He didn't even look as if he belonged in our small town. I thought maybe He was a Mormon or a very successful business man. He looked like a faithful man who was happily married. He looked contented, peaceful, and serious about his religion. I wondered... What kind of woman is so fortunate to find a man like that? I didn't talk to him, but we went to the same restaurant the next day and saw him again. I felt stirred up inside, but I found I wanted to be offended with men and began to criticize him in my thoughts.

Little did I know he was getting a whole read out on me. He knew I wasn't married, but with ex-in-laws. He wondered if the father of the kids was dead. He was being stirred up and he wouldn't approach me, but he prayed. He said "Lord there seems to be something special about that woman and if you want me to give anything to her from You, You'll have to bring her to me. By the way, I think I could be content with a woman like that." Several months later God would bring him before me again.

Living life as a recluse, in fear, trying to work with my kids through the devastation of our lives was hard. I had become a bit antisocial. One day I saw I could live the rest of my life hiding out, in fear, and feeling sorry for myself. I was intending to go to college and make a good life for the kids and me, and was working towards that direction.

It was summer and school wouldn't start for a couple of months. I heard on the radio about a Dallas Holmes concert. I said "Lord I'm not going to live in fear all my life, I'm getting out of here and going out in public in faith today!" I decided to go to the concert. I found myself very moved and touched at this concert. I felt I was crossing over a line of letting go of control of my life and trusting The Lord. I had been reciting the verse all week in my mind, "Lean not on your own understanding, trust in the Lord with all of your heart!"

I thought if I really trusted The Lord with my life, I would end up in Africa in a tent starving to death. I had never heard the scripture, "My soul would have perished if I hadn't believed to see the goodness of God in the land of the living!" I, staying in authority of my own life, had only brought pain and suffering. That's why it took so long for me to be filled with His Spirit and speak in tongues, because I liked to be my own authority, and failed to refer to God as my higher Authority.

After the concert I felt so free. I believed in God's goodness with my heart, instead of just my head. After all Job's suffering, that was his comment too. "I used to know you with my head, but now I know you in my heart." I saw I didn't have to live as God's victim, or Michael's. My own sin, compromise, and failure to really seek God was the cause of most of my suffering. King David said, "Thank you for afflicting me, because now I love to keep Your Word." I was thankful, and I saw that evil circumstances in my life had worked good in me. As I was leaving the concert I thought I would wait and say goodbye to my friend. While waiting I noticed people talking to a man. He looked familiar and I thought I had met him in the past. The people left and I proceeded to talk to him. Panic struck, as I realized I didn't know him. He told me he had been on TV, but then he realized I was the girl from the restaurant! He decided to ask me to breakfast. I was terrified, and it took much faith to say yes, but I did.

I had just come upon my destiny, and my life was about to radically change! We went to breakfast, and Gene shook my house I had built on the sand to the ground. We ended up, after many hours, talking about natural God given appetites, passions, emotions and desires. I was so checked out of reality, I think I had a "nun" mentality, and I was going to be holy and never desirous of a man again. I had built many philosophies to protect myself from men and my emotions, that was not sane or Godly reasoning. Gene left our little meeting thanking God for being single, and thinking his whole ministry would go to me if I ever became his friend, because I was so spiritually and emotionally unstable.

He had given me a ministry brochure and I went to one of his meetings. My five year old daughter who was sleeping under the pew at the meeting, woke up and said, "Mommy are you going to marry that man?" I was shocked. I went forward for prayer and as he prayed for me, a ringing I had in my ears for years was gone. I felt like the disciples on the road to Emaeus and the words of God Gene spoke, burned within me. The church had a potluck after the service and as I stood in line for coffee, Gene told me my button was undone on my dress and I was exposed. I was so emotional around him, and I didn't know whether to be happy or furious. As I went to get my coffee I hooked my cup on the five gallon dispenser then dumped the whole thing on my nice white dress!

I had many sleepless nights, reading my Bible. It was the first time in my life I was willing to take responsibility for what God's Word said. Gene asked me to play my guitar and sing at an upcoming crusade he was doing. I went day after day. The demonstration of the Power Of God was so awesome. I knew if he had ever met Michael, he would have confronted him, as no man did. Some of the guys with him were joking with him about me. Who's the woman hanging around? He said a guy would have to be crazy to get involved with a woman with four children. One of them looked at him straight on and said, "Those children need a father too!" The rest is pretty much history!

The Bible says, "Unless The Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it." Every house I tried to build had crashed down, but the Lord began building a house that would stand forever. "I know that whatsoever The Lord does, it will be forever!"

Since I've gotten to know Gene, I have come to know much more of Jesus and Jesus has used Gene to bring His spirit of deliverance into my life. I was at a point where I was ready to face the truth about my hypocrisies and truth I had covered up with food, drugs, cigarettes, and too much TV. Gene is anything but pretentious, and pretenders who are hidden don't hang around him too long. There is nothing hidden or private about his life. I was like a drug addict going through withdrawals as I got to know him. He didn't torment, abuse, and reject me. It was unfamiliar and unusual having a man respond to me spiritually, and I could see there was something in me that was uncomfortable not being used, abused, rejected and controlled.

He suffered me as I worked through these things. He was honest and loved me freely, and I was like an old computer having to receive new information. He wasn't emotionally and spiritually unavailable. He lived to give The Lord and himself to others, not to see what he could take in relationships. He helped me and others care about pleasing God in all we think, do, and say. The lifetime of fear I lived in was turning into a lifetime of Faith. He had as much passion for faith, love, and truth as Michael had for crime and evil. Michael ate the bread of wickedness, drank the wine of violence, and didn't sleep until he did evil. It was Gene's food to do God's will and he gave that food to all around him.

He took on responsibility in relationships, where most men run from it. I watched him give himself to other men. He had answers and understanding, and was willing to have enough love and faith to get personally involved in peoples' lives. I only knew impersonal Sunday and Wednesday preachers. I found myself wanting to find things to accuse him of so I could run from the relationship. (By Ceci Sullivan - Part Six )

It took faith to get involved, and that was one thing I didn?t have much faith in Jesus for....(getting personal in relationships.) How could I say I loved God whom I didn?t see, if I couldn?t love this man whom I did see? I wasn?t familiar with open and honest relationships. The more open I became, the more I could see who was ?hiding.?

I understood how flattery works great ruin in relationships. I had looked to Jesus in faith for things, but now I needed him to give me faith to be honest about the judgments I was making in my heart. I needed faith to not be pretentious and tell the truth. The Bible is full of ?put away lying and speak the truth to one another in love? messages.

I began taking those words seriously, believing we are members of each other. Cells that communicate falsely, or indifferently in our body cause cancer. I decided to be a life giving cell, rather than a cancerous cell in the Body of Christ. I really began to take the ?logs? from my own eyes, so I could see clearly to help remove the specks from the eyes of my friends.

A few months after I gotten to know Gene, we both knew the Lord had caused our paths to cross for a reason. We got down on our knees and asked the Lord to confirm our relationship, by the mouth of two or three witnesses. We wanted others to confirm that we belonged together, and we knew we could trust God to open the eyes of others if we were to be together.

Within the span of a week, that?s exactly what happened. We courted for a year, then we married. Gene?s RULE over his flesh did a lot to show me the power and love of God. I knew Gene cared more for pleasing the Lord than gratifying his desires, and I know I can trust him. We have been married 14 years now, and his love continues to reveal God?s love and faithfulness to me.

His ability to rule himself before our wedding has proven to me his trustworthiness when we are apart. He chose pleasing Jesus above serving his flesh, and the spirit he carries he imparts to others. The fruit of Jesus? spirit is self-control. As athletes need training, me and many like me are thankful to Jesus for sending us a ?personal trainer? who can teach us the ways of ?self-control.? Many throughout history have been destroyed through uncontrolled lust. How many never accessed the help that was right in front of their face because of pride and an unwillingness to receive the ones Jesus sends to them?

One of Gene?s closest friends shared his testimony about how he loved to lust after women. I had never really heard men be open and honest like that. He said, "help me love what you love Jesus and hate what you hate." I remember feeling short-circuited. Could it be that simple...Repent and believe Jesus can help you?

He said he confessed his sins, and people prayed for him, and Jesus healed him. I thought to myself, ?after all the books, counseling, and money we?ve spent, wouldn?t it be hysterical if it was that simple?? I saw this man, along with Gene and other men have enough humility to be honest and open. I realized Michael?s biggest problem was pride! Jesus hates pride above all things!

Michael always lied to protect his pride, that?s why he could never get helped! Not even from his own brother who had been treating sexual offenders all the years Michael had been sexually offending! If it?s true that ?nothing is hidden that will not be revealed, and whatever you hide in the dark will be shouted from the house tops?, I absolutely declared I wouldn?t hide anything ever again. I saw what killing your pride by telling the truth had done for these men, and I wanted what they had! (Peace and confidence before Jesus and men).

They believed in Jesus because they yielded their lives to His holy word. They loved the Praise of God more than the praise of men, and they had no fear of being condemned by men. The only way to know if Jesus words are true is to do them. That?s why they knew the words of Jesus were true. They did them! Way too simple for a complicated mind like mine!?

I had mentioned earlier that my baby daughter had gone to be with my sister. When I was confident that Michael?s sentence was not subject to appeal and after I was recovered from the ordeal we would make arrangements for the baby?s return. My sister knew I was unstable and wanted to help me not make any unwise decisions during a time of crisis. My baby girl was sixteen months old at the time she went to stay with my sister. Michael?s actual sentencing was almost one year later.

I met Gene just after the sentencing and one year later, we were married. During this period I saw my little girl only about four times because of my sister's location being on the east coast. My mind set at this time was still very doubtful. It?s hard to explain, but even though Jesus was using Gene to bring me great hope and give me vision and direction, I was still thinking that this was not really going to last. Any day something will come up and I will once again be on my own. It took me a few years to stop having "Faith for disaster"!

At this point I would like to go back to something that happened the night after I met Gene at the concert. I had a dream and in the dream I was in my bathroom getting ready for the day when I noticed a rank odor with a stench that made me believe something dead was in there. I looked up and high up attached to the ceiling was a ?body bag? with Michael inside. He had been dead a long time.

The thought came to me that I needed to call the men in white suits to come and get him. Three men in white shirts came and got the body bag down and took him away. The eerie thing is the phone rang and it was Michael calling from the prison. I wondered if God was trying to show me Michael?s conscience was dead towards Him, and I was ?dragging a dead body around.?

I went to breakfast later that morning and thought it was ironic that he and the two men with him all had on white ministry t-shirts. I did not remember this or put it together until a couple of weeks later, after the church incident where the Lord healed my ears and where I had spilled the coffee on myself. I had the three of them over for dinner. After dinner I went to my cabinet and drug out all the newspaper articles about Michael and his life of crime which I had faithfully been saving from day one!

Gene spoke to me about how it was keeping me spiritually attached to Michael and the utter reproach of being yoked to him. He told me that if I were to ever be free, I would need to completely put off the old and allow ?all things? to be made new! He helped me to see that thoughts are words and words are food. The food we eat (what we allow ourselves to think) is what we will become and how we will be in our spirit and in our character. I would say that this was the beginning of my walk away from a life of bondage and trying to fix myself into the freedom and life of letting go of my control and trusting my future to God?s hands..

That night I gathered everything that had to do with Michael, our past, and every picture and article. I put it all in a garbage bag and Gene took it away with him and the guys when they left. The three men in white ministry t-shirts had come and taken away the stinking dead body of the past. I could now start over. All my life growing up and throughout my married life, I considered the counseling and counselors...psychologists, doctors, Priests, family, friends, and in-laws; ?no one? ever reflected to me the simplest and most fundamental thing I must first do...?Put out the offender?...stop living with your tormentors. The fundamental words of the Master ?he who loses his life will find it. He who keeps his life will lose it!?

So let us go back to one year after Michael?s sentencing when Gene and I married.... I had said that my mind-set was one of doubt, that any day now, disaster will strike. Although I was truly free from Michael, I was not at all free from my foundational enemy, ?Rejection?! There is a scripture in Jeremiah 17:1 which says, ?the sin of Judah is written with a pen of iron, with the point of a diamond is it graven upon the table of their heart.? ....this is exactly what rejection throughout my lifetime had done to me. Rejection was deeply engraved in my soul.

I heard, saw, and responded to most people out of the engraved spirit of rejection in my heart. I always felt like there was something that I needed to do for people so that they would not reject me. I believed it was my responsibility to prove myself in all relationships, and failed to see the responsibility of others. I don?t think Michael had people in his life hold him responsible, and I knew it was a tragedy that he believed life didn?t have consequences.

It created great fear and doubt in me toward others also because I never thought that I could ultimately do enough in the relationship to keep it free from offense. This created skepticism and control in me toward those who were closest. I was so afraid of being rejected, I would create scenario?s to get Gene to reject me. I didn?t believe he could love me. I would many times ?third-degree? him when he was out during the day, thinking that he would end up being as unfaithful to me as Michael was.

I?ll never forget the look on his face and what he said to me when the Lord opened his understanding to my accusations and fears. He said, ?I am willing to prove my love and faithfulness to you by logging my time and meetings. I?ll tell you who I?ve seen, what was said, how long it took and where I went next if it will help you to know that I love you and will never be unfaithful!? I broke down crying for quite some time. This was a man who ran into responsibility, not away from it. He was willing to prove his love. I realized this was a man who knew and looked to Jesus. He responded to my problems spiritually, not carnally. It was making the difference between hell on earth, and heaven on earth in my soul.

My mother had come to our wedding and had gone out with Gene and I once or twice to talk with us after we were married. I felt like her concerns were just a mom being normal, but Gene was uncomfortable with her pretense. It was something I grew up with and was totally familiar with and didn't see at first. The day came soon enough when my family's hidden agenda would be clearly seen.

Everything up to this point was hidden. I had not asked my sister to bring my daughter back and she had not offered. Nothing was spoken about it. One day Gene began to draw me out about my feelings in getting her back. It was like listening to someone else talk. I could not give a clear sound. Inside I wanted her back. Outside I knew that my sister did not want to give her up and I didn't want to cause her pain. I also did not want to face the family feud which I knew would ensue.

To Gene it was without question that she should come back. She is your daughter. The only reason that your sister has her now is because of your having to run from a murderous husband and to give you aid in time of peril. Your peril is over. But...your sister loves your baby and it wouldn?t be right to just go ask for her back, but we definitely need to go speak with her. He saw the other children were devastated by her absence.

Gene and I flew to the east coast to talk to my sister personally about the situation. We sat up late with her and we poured out our hearts to each other. She knew my pain and I saw hers. She had her own revelation that the baby should come be with us. I broke down hysterically with unbelievable joy - she was offering my baby back. We didn?t have to ask for her, she saw it was the right to restore our family after the storm had passed. My sister admitted that she knew in her heart if we thought the baby belonged with us we should leave with her in the morning. Her time was over as a guardian angel who had kept a baby safe in a nightmare. She saw it was right for the other children.

When we got up the next morning, my sister was gone. She had taken the baby with her, and had gone to get a court order against us. She and my mom had accused me of being an unfit mother. (Although they weren?t trying to have the other children removed from my custody.) My sister had money and influence; I didn?t even have a lawyer. When you're up against money and power, the battle looked grim. God allowed her to adopt the baby however. I know the purpose for that has yet to unfold. Even when Social Services did a home study about our family conditions, they recommended the baby be returned to us. My mother was motivated by fear rather than love and faith most of her life also. She later came to realize this.

Although I was greatly saddened by my family's betrayal, I had understanding and a grace which allowed me to move on and to know that God's purposes would be fulfilled. And basically, what in truth we were dealing with was the persecution of our faith that Jesus talks about. If the people around you do what they do because of fear and you do what you do because of faith and love, it will bring division.

How strange it was, that through all of Michael's criminal behavior, his drinking and his anger, my family thought me to be normal and would not have considered taking my children away from me or accusing me of being unfit. If I were unfit at any time in my life it was during the last year of my marriage to Michael. Why weren't they taking me to court back then?

The plain truth is that I had no testimony of Jesus in all that was happening then. All I could do was relate to them on a carnal, sensual level. The dead religion we were raised in has no real belief that God is involved personally through His son Jesus in our lives. And that He will actually speak to us in our spirit and give us wisdom and guidance.

Had I been enlightened with the Holy Spirit and had the people of God come into my life back then, would my family have gone after me then? As a child I never understood why the people back in Jesus day killed him. As I grew older and went to church it just became fact but I never really understood why people get so threatened by those who have encountered the Living God of the Bible!

Spiritual persecution is merely two people whose spirits are in disagreement or in conflict, and one decides to punish the other to stay in control. And this is what my family was doing. Using the ignorant and ungodly courts and prejudiced system of law to justify their lies and control. Jesus said, "when they do these things, they'll think they are doing God a service." I never was persecuted when I loved and served myself, and couldn't have cared less about serving Jesus. I let Michael control me, and now I was yielding to the Spirit of the Living God, and they thought I went crazy.

Out of the blue one day, we received a phone call. It was my daughter; she was ten. We were ecstatic, because we had been kept from her for years. She ended up coming to visit us several times, and now lives with us. She sees the emptiness of living for money, education and position in life, and the loneliness and lack of true fulfillment it brings. She sees life without faith and love in it isn't worth living. She is becoming familiar with honest, open, and sincere relationships. She has given up trashy music and TV programs and feeds her heart and spirit with good things rather than destructive things.

She has value in knowing Jesus, the Way, the Truth and the Life! She was tormented because she violated her God conscience all the time but now she is getting in touch with following the integrity of God's Spirit in her heart. My mother also within the last year has repented for her unfounded fears and imaginations about Gene and I and how it affected relationships over the years. We talk on a regular basis and enjoy a relationship in spirit and in truth. Love and faith have replaced fear and unbelief. I have a saying I like to quote ... "perfect fear, casts out love." There is a fear that isn't good, the fear that keeps us from reaching out and loving someone.

Jesus took twelve men and lived in a close relationship with them. He loved them enough to get very involved in their lives, and to teach them to get very involved in lives of others. He didn't send them away to Bible college to learn to love their brother. Gene along with other men I know, don't read to men from a pulpit, they get personally involved in the lives of others! Not a popular concept for those who feel good and righteous because they went to church on Sunday and Wednesday, but never got too close to anyone, nor let anyone close to them.

I saw Gene give people his heart; he talked openly about the motives and intentions of his heart, and helped other's have the faith to face the motive and intentions of their hearts. All I could do was cry. I wondered what would have happened if Michael's father would have given him his heart? What if he was honest with him about his own lust and pretense, would it have made a difference in his life?

I look back on all the priests, counselors, and men in the churches we attended who were not honest and open about overcoming sin in their lives. They didn't have the testimony of Jesus regarding their sin and selfishness. If they did, they loved their own lives too much to talk about it. They weren't open, and they didn't produce openness in the lives of other men. They "bore fruit after their own kind."

The love of Jesus in my heart for my children demanded me to find answers for them. I didn't want them to walk down the path of destruction and perversion that generations in our family had, which I haven't still gone into great depth about. (It would take a book). I don't condemn my family, but I can't close my eyes to reality and deny Jesus with them anymore. I love Jesus, the light, and most of them don't...what fellowship has light with darkness? I love and pray for them, and believe Jesus to send others into their lives they might not reject. I lived in the dark, and Jesus sent His people to me to walk in the light with. Now I live to help others (who will let me) walk in the light with Jesus, the Son of God, who is light!

Meeting people who didn?t hide their sin, but exposed it, has changed my life forever! Consider the movie, "Schindler?s List". One man doing what was right, what love demanded, saved the lives of many. All who have eyes to see the path His life has laid out for us, and receive Him are saved! I thank God He sent men my way, who were doing what was right, what love demands. It?s helped me to be the one sent, and to send to others the message of deliverance from the kingdom of darkness, into the Kingdom and Government of God. God's government is shown in the lives of those who submit to His will and ways, rather than being led by their appetites, passions, emotions and desires.

In the book of Acts, it shows the Apostle Paul was required to receive Annanias so he could receive his sight. Cornelius also, after being visited by an angel, was instructed to send for a man, Peter. Cornelius received Jesus BECAUSE He received Peter. If Cain would have humbled himself to receive his brother Abel, God would have received his offering. His evil heart towards his brother was his ruin. God, throughout history, has ordained men to be messengers of His Word and Grace.

The Bible says, "there was a man sent from God and his name was John." In my case, his name was Gene. God has always sent men. He promised to! He sent Jesus, and Jesus sent men! Michael chose to be an ambassador of hell and death. Gene chose to be an ambassador of Faith, Hope, Love, and Jesus! We all must choose who we will represent. I want to have the bread of life, the drink of Heaven for all who Jesus sends my way.

He's coming back to reward us for what we have done...for what we DID about what we THOUGHT...for what we said, and how we affected each other, good and bad. Our words are on a mission, they operate on the hearts of those around us. What mission are your words on? What operation do you perform in the lives of those around you? (JOB 29:12-16)

That's the end of my story but in actuality it is not the end. My life is just beginning! God's Word says in I Cor 5:17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Update: My mom came and spent two weeks with us. It was a miracle. She was open and confessed she needed to stop denying Jesus before men. She asked many deep questions, and had a spiritual openness, and a degree of hunger for righteousness. Love and faith have superseded, fear and unbelief. She sees that "Wisdom is truly found in her children." She sees her grandchildren possesses the peace of God which passes all understanding and that speaks volumes to her. Evil imaginations have been replaced by faith, hope and love.

Ceci

Postscript

By Ceci Sullivan

God, truly is a God of miracles. This is a tribute to the awesome power of God who helped me not to take my mother-in-law's rejection personally. Had I not been a Christian, I would have been so overcome by her indifference, and rejection of me, I never would have been able to get out of my selfish little feelings, to love her unconditionally! Because I prayed, I was able
to overcome how she had treated me, and care about extending the love of God to her the last months of her life. Her name was, Pat Sullivan.......she was an interesting woman and I'm sorry to say, I only knew her the last several weeks of her life.

I went to take care of my mother-in-law who had refused to acknowledge I was alive the 14 years I've been married to her son. She had ignored my presents, and been indifferent to all my phone calls and letters! I only heard of her critical, bitter, condemning attitudes towards me and her son through others. She chose not to end her life with all that vile in her heart towards us, and I'm so thankful that's not how the her story ended. The love of God ended up overcoming the bitter, critical, heart she had...LOVE PREVAILED IN THE END!

I told her, though she rejected me, I would continue to love and give to her, and have faith that one day things might be different. I knew I didn't want to leave this world not doing everything I could to reach out in love and faith towards others...who wants to die with a heart full of bitterness, only caring about how others have treated you! I asked Jesus to deliver me out of the Kingdom of selfishness, to be able to care how I LOVE OTHERS, MORE THAN HOW OTHERS LOVE ME, AND HE DID...AND MIRACLES TAKE PLACE WHEN THE SPIRIT OF GOD'S LOVE PREVAILS!

Her son, Gene, had become a Christian in 1972. Upon this news, she offered him psychiatric counseling. She lived life hard and partied hard, worked hard, and fought hard most of her life. She not only taught my husband to be a champion boxer, and Pipercub pilot, but she was one of the first B-25 female bomber pilots, in WW2. Gene grew up on an Airport, helping his Mom with her crop-dusting business. She taught him many valuable lessons, and he is very grateful for all she had done for him. Even though he didn't conform to her wishes in staying to run the airport, he loved her deeply. This brought a breech into their relationship, that only broadened greatly upon him becoming a Christian.

Her hard heart towards God, estranged her from him. Instead of hearing from the voice of love and faith, she only had ears to hear from the voice of accusation.......the bitter critical thoughts that divide relationships. After all my many attempts to reach out to her, it was hard for me to not faint in thinking I would never know her. Then one day we received a phone call his Mom had a heart attack in the doctor's office and wasn't expected to live. Well, we had prayed for her continually over the years and my heart sank at the thought of things ending like this!

Gene was planning to go to the state she lived in. On several occasions I had tried to meet her, only to my disappointment. I had a deep feeling I was supposed to go there, but I knew Gene didn't feel to take me due to her inhospitable attitudes over the years. We continued to pray for her through all the years; but her heart was hard because of her son not doing things her way.

Gene told me he would take me to see her, when he heard she was in the hospital if he knew God wanted him to. I knew I needed a miracle for it to happen. Well, his brother decided to go there and one miracle after another took place during his stay there. He is a Col. in the Army, and the older
brother. He ended up calling Gene and telling me to come with Gene to Colorado so we could all meet to pray together. He saw her physical weakness was softening her heart...it was the miracle I was waiting for. He had prayed with one of the nurses and called and said he felt like we were all
to gather and pray together for their mother.

We left the next day. I knew in my heart we might be staying there for a period of time, and I went to meet the "stranger" I had loved through the years, with no response. Her son was a blessing sent from heaven for me and others and I so wanted to be able to tell her how he had fulfilled God's promises in the Scripture, Acts 13:47, "The Lord has commanded men saying, I have set thee to be a light of the Gentiles, that thou shouldest be for salvation unto the ends of the earth." I so wanted to share the fact that God's Son, Jesus, has power to change lives, and He sends men into his field of labor to do His work. I cried when the opportunity was presented me in reality to thank her for the son she bore. She ended up seeing her son was a blessing sent from God to her too in the end!

Apprehensive, I prayed and decided to put on love for one who had shown me nothing but rejection. Jesus strengthened me. She was a bit cold to me and Gene at first, but the first day there, she let me take her to the bathroom. I knew the greatest weapon God had given me to use on her was love, so I poured it on! IT WORKED TOO! I think she had been offended with Gene throughout the years for letting go of helping in the family business. Both of her sons had moved on, and she had been overcome by the bottle. I could tell she was very perceptive in evaluating how selfish people are! Many times people can see into others, even things they fail to look at in themselves. I knew she was no dumb cookie! She had the ability to see what people were made of and her piercing eyes were checkin' me out to see what I was made of!

She was weak and let us bring her strength through praying with her. One week after I was caring for her she looked at me and said God Bless You, I love you Ceci. I thought I was hearing her wrong, I went back in the room and asked her if she knew who I was. She replied and said "yes, your Gene's wife Ceci." I went in the other room and cried my eyes out. I knew God's love had reached her.

We treated her like a queen. We did everything we could to bring her life pleasure, because it was obvious that her days on the earth were numbered. Our friend Linda came to help us. I began talking to her about her depression. I think she talked more to us than she had talked to anyone about how she really felt in years. She began asking us to stay in her room, and keep her company. One night, she even asked Linda to pray for her, and of course that is exactly what we were hoping and praying for, we were all in tears.

She was finally reaching out to the one who could really comfort her, the lover of her soul, the God who created her. I asked her if she wanted me to redecorate her room, and a joy for living came into her heart. She began to experience the JOY OF LOVING AND BEING LOVED! We rented all her favorite old movies, and got her favorite foods. She hadn't been eating well for a while, but her appetite even returned.

One morning I went in her room to have her say, "how can you take care of me like this? I don't understand how you cannot be having all kinds of bitter, critical thoughts towards taking care of me. It's got to be really rough on you to care for me." I told her serving sin and living in the hell I had lived in LOVING MYSELF ABOVE ALL THINGS, is what was really hard. I told her about the time I broke down crying because I realized God had given me something greater to live for than my own little happy life...which was misery. I was so thankful to think I didn't have to go out of this world only caring for my selfish little desires. I was so happy he had called me to a greater purpose, FOR THE SAVING AND KEEPING OF SOULS! "Taking care of you", I said, "is a piece of cake and I never had a bad attitude."

LIVING TO LOVE HER WAS HEAVEN ON EARTH ABOVE LIVING TO LOVE MYSELF! I said, she was the only one having a bad attitude and that was not coming from me, but the king of bad attitudes.....the king of darkness. She would say at times...I'll be damned, and I told her, no you won't, that's why Jesus sent us...so you wouldn't be damned. I told her she was fortunate to have two praying sons, she could be in hell on earth, a nursing home!

Gene went in her room one morning and said "the Lord told me he spoke to you when you were about to crash in the Forrest in your new plane. The snow was very deep, she was headed for the tree's in her new plane. She heard the words, I'm going to get you out of this Pattie. Gene asked her if it was true and she said "yes." Gene said "The Lord told me to tell you he's going to get you out of this one too! All you have to do is ask him, and he'll take you from this world into His kingdom when it's your time to go on." Gene cried as he spoke to her and you could see she was deeply moved to tears herself in knowing God was using her son to speak words to her about her past that ONLY GOD KNEW.

She lived with the TV on before we got there, but she wanted it off for most part, she was experiencing the PEACE OF GOD WHICH PASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HER LIFE. That was something very unusual. We played Christian music often and that was very different for her, but she really had joy and peace from it, and told us it made her feel good. On her birthday, I finished redecorating her room. She was so pleased with the new colors and spirit, but little did we know what a short time she had to enjoy it. We did not even realize the cake and ice cream she was eating would be her last meal. She had come down with a cold and she didn't have the strength to fight it.

Three days later, Gene's Mom went on to glory and to see Jesus face to face! We thought her cold may have been a blessing in disguise that kept her from long months of suffering. As Gene's brother put it, "she was one more soul snatched free from the clutches of Satan, and the kingdom of darkness!"

I think I'm still in shock over seeing an 81 year old turn from darkness into the Kingdom of light. Actually, Linda's father had repented of his dark little selfish world too, in his old age. He decided to go out of this life receiving and giving love too, rather than dying a bitter, critical man. Surly Pat was a worker in the vineyard in the last minutes of her life...three weeks. We saw the parable fulfilled where Jesus paid the same wage to the ones who worked all day, and the one who worked the last minute! She found His mercy and experienced His loving kindness and found relief for her heavy burdens these last three weeks of her life.

We will never forget God's faithfulness to help us reach her soul while we in her home, now she gets to be in HIS HOME! She went from being demonized (which means to be energized by the wrong spirit). It's like running your car on bad gas, that bitter, critical, selfish gas. She turned, repented, and put the gas of love and faith in her heart, and went from being a sick, sin laden soul, to a giver and receiver of His love.

Jesus said, if they receive you, they will receive me, and receive Him who sent me. He also said, "And many shall say to me Lord, Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and gave you drink? Naked and clothed you, a stranger and took you in....AND HE SHALL SAY TO THEM....."as you did it unto the least of these my servant, so you have done it unto me!" The love of God in our hearts is a rich treasure we have to spend. May we all die with no savings in our love bank!

It's so exciting to see the goodness of God which can lead one to repentance work, in the last three weeks of her life! His wonders never cease to amaze us! We experienced the Glory of God as she slipped out of this world and into His Kingdom today! We all cried as we sat around after she was gone and marveled at the wondrous things that had taken place! We were filled with rejoicing for her, but sorrow for us.....as we came to know a very sweet and precious woman. One who spent 81 years as a mean, intimidating, depressed, destructive, hard hearted woman. It was a great joy to give her the love of Jesus, and to receive her love! ( She decided to let it out instead of being a withholder). This definitely is a time in my life I will never forget! And I'm filled with joy to know there is another jewel in the crown of my Savior! I told her to tell Jesus we love Him, when she sees him face to face...even as she's in His presence this day!

Thank you and God bless you for taking the time to read my testimony. I pray that it has helped encourage you and given you the strength you need to go on. If you would like to talk with me about anything I've shared, please don't hesitate to contact me. I can be reached at Cjumpforjesus@cs.com .

Ceci Sullivan

Ceci

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