Which Way Lord? – Chapter 5 – Dr Chandrakumar
Chapter 5 – How To Choose Your Life Partner
If you are a believer in Christ, your life partner should also be a believer (2 Cor. 6:14,15; 1 Cor. 7:39). Nothing should be more important to you or to the person you marry than your spiritual well being. You should only settle for a believer who is spiritually sensitive to the Lord and desires to live for Christ (Eph. 4:17-5:20; Phil. 3:7-16; 1 Jn. 2:15-17). If there is a real spiritual harmony between the spouses, with Christ at the center of their lives any problem can be successfully handled.
It is also wise to consider some of the following mental and physical capabilities of the partner:
1. For the Man:
A person who is mature enough to care for another,
Who has a steady job or a good business
One who is from a reasonably good family,
As far as possible, suitable for her temperament,
Who is humble and patient with her weaknesses
Who is willing to sacrifice his life for her
2. For the Woman:
A person who is willing to learn and adapt,
Who has a desire for home making,
Who has a love for bringing up children,
Who knows at least some cooking,
Who is warm and forgiving,
Who puts his needs before her own,
Who is submissive, patient and forbearing.
The integrity and the character of the person are very important. Peter Kusmic says, “Charisma without character is catastrophe.” He or she should be able to live in harmony with others. Top priority should be given to sexual purity. Sex was designed for marriage. You should save yourself for someone who has been saving himself or herself for you (Rom. 13:13,14; Heb. 13:4). It is wise to talk over this issue with your pastor or a Christian counselor, and make sure that your future partner has a good record of sexual behaviour at least after being born-again.
The person you choose to commit your life to should not be committed to money, pleasure or popularity (Eccl. 2:1-11; 5:8-17; 6:1-12; Matt. 6:33; 1 Tim. 6:10; Heb. 13:5). He should not be a heretic. You do not have to agree on every minor issue, but make sure that you agree on the biblical basis of sound doctrine (1 Jn. 4:1-6). You should also agree on the issue of which church you should both attend.
Beauty is only skin-deep, but character goes right to the bone. To some extent you can consider the physical beauty, but it is not as important as the inner qualities (1 Sam. 16:7; Prov. 11:22; 31:13; 1 Pet. 3:2-5).
The person should not be lazy or selfish but should have the desire or the means to fulfill family responsibilities. Paul said, “If any one does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Tim. 5:8). It is just not enough if a person loves you. He must be a person who can take care of your basic physical, mental, spiritual and financial needs. You cannot pay bills with promises of love.
How a person relates to the parents will tell you a lot about his or her character. God promises long life to those who respect and honour their parents (Eph. 6:1-3).
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