hey hello hi…

I’m an artist, I paint, and draw. I have a fiance.

I have schizophrenia. When I got the disease I had thought I knew’ God, but found myself without armour. So, bruised, I crawl my way to church, and the Word. This is how I found the site, on christianforums.com, I was talking with others plotting my way to church, and understanding of the Bible. I look back now, and see from second one I decided to be obedient, I started arming myself.

Pray for me?

I just don’t know what to put here..

In art, I find so much, I would doodle, and just loved it, my fiance who has read the Bible, perhaps saw it wise for me to paint in that, I would doodle, in such emotional times, and the doodles would come out better and better. I’am often quiet, but do have things to say when in conversations Ive been in, they ask me to talk but when they look at me, well, it does not seem that many want to hear what I want to say, anyway, I think when God revealed to me my artistic voice, it was like he was saying, yes talk with me, you get to talk to though. I did not even see that till I chose to write in this area of the forum, lol! YAY

I think this site is great.

I just want to read the Word, it’s hard sometimes in that I do misunderstand often, so I really have to be careful. I studyed astrology for like five years, and desired a relashonship with God, turning to people I usually hated (things seemed so ‘cheesy’ then). I came across a sappy looking video someone made, I apologize they looked sappy, and there was a scripture, saying God had stitched us in the womb (when I stitched you in the womb). This was the feeling I had been looking for when I started studying it, all those years, and I had studied SO carefully into astrology, found in someones love for Him. Jeese, I was not looking in the right place. I feel like crying finding faith in him again, because it is so renewed, and clean.

I also found’, in the Bible, Paul, I seem to walk to an oreacle and then to the next one consistantly, if there is one oreacle or prophet in town at a bus stop, I have just, they are always there, they’re in front of me, and Paul said yes those who just say they are Christians are blessed, they will be given to the prophets and oreacals. This pattern in my life started, when I would argue with my friends in high school, I just looked bitter to them, but to me, I could see they were lieing to me. That was a tough journey, lol, and I look to be obedient now.
I’am seeing what is meant by speaking in the Spirit now.

Afraid astrology was demonic, I looked up what the Bible said, it said astrologers will be exhausted, period. Or did I read that passage, and tempt my way there? Shoot. Yes I do need help.

I was raised going to a large church, I was babtized when I was younger than seven in front of about two thousand people. I loved the Bible stories, Jacob, David and Golith, wise Abraham, the coat of many colors, oooohhh yes I loved the stories, memerized them. I thought then if this many people are following Him, and prospering in Him, there has got to be something here. But I rebeled, and have the scars to prove it. I just do not feel like going into the whole story of this without, seeing God clearly, so I will wait for that. Thank You for listening for a bit. That is a bit about me.

What do YOU think?



  1. lotuseskimo says:

    What would I like in prayer? K, some people have not known what I was saying when I told them I want them to pray for me in the name of the Father and the Son and Holy Spirit. I DO NOT WANT PRAYERS IN ANY OTHER WAY. Bill Shnoebelen, testifys of being under Satans target, and climbing the ranks of Freemasonry to the top, he tells the entire story in a book, and exposes so much in their awful plots (he was saved). He says do not ALLOW others to pray for you if they are not praying in the Holy Spirit, and do not let them pray for you if they are not praying with the Father and the Son.

    If you don’t know what Im talking about, please do it the right way. And for heavens sake, do not pray for me. You don’t have my permission to.

    Law is good.

    I have yet to tell someone what I want them to pray for me for. But I think on this site it would be ‘safe’:

    Pray what the Father asks or Son asks, or the Holy Spirit asks.

    I have schizophrenia, and I used to have the worst of the storys, people tell me what their famililys had, but I had it worse, thankfully I was told this when I was ready to hear it, and God has pulled me out of this (monthes of dellution wathcing hallucinations walk by..sitting there for awhile waiting on Him, knowing what I was seeing was not real), bad stuff.

    When I was able and could think straight, I knew I was not the wisest to have not read the Bible, Law is good, feeling the ground benath my feet is good, and obediance is good.

    I just hear evil voices, and hallucinate little things when I’m upset. But when it gets bad I have such a freak out, last time I felt like running outside to my fiance doing yardwork, and grabbing his ankles and begging, hm, what I don’t remember but.

    I read the Bible and misunderstood it!! People have told me this was because of rebelion,but well, I don’t know, I don’t.

    Anyway, I took very strong meds in my freak out time ( in the begining of this when I was hallucinateing, I took them like a year after having the illness, perhaps more than a year), and I have a story there: http://www.christianforums.com/t7372845/

    But, the medication is helping, I had not been wise there, but they are helping, and I just started taking a differant one for mood I have taken this one before, but, it made me feel very normal, and I wasn’t ready then but Iam now. I want to go off of this med, when God wants me to, because he smiles to me when I take it, I know I should. OOOHHHH, I’m very exited but, I didn’t like not understanding His Word. I don’t like the way I get confused, the WAY I get confused. I need grace in coming out of this illness.
    Perhaps pray I know when to go off of this med Im taking.
    Perhaps for me to read the Word in the Holy Spirit.
    Perhaps pray for me for grace.
    Perhaps for understanding.

    I’m not a baby Christian anymore, but I still think pepper is to strong, I can eat pepper, but it’s strong. Maybe you could say Iam a pre-adolesant Christian, or adolesacent, or even like a 5-10 year old Christian. Whichever, I’am still young, but not baby, but not ready for spiritual meat, maybe ya get meat right out of the baby Christian time, whichever. I don’t like this adding and subtracting from the Bible so I need to stop.

    Thank You

    Yes! I walked and walk the straight and narrow, I think I have a tendancy to lollygag, and I even worried this of myself when I was in junoir high, my heart would beg God that I walk the straight and narrow, I wanted to get there! He truely and faithfully answered. I’m so glad you shined that light on me.

  2. yashua777 says:

    hi nice to see you here,
    good on you for your courage.
    What would you like in prayer? we (myself and some friends) would love to have the honer to pray for you.

    Can i say? that reading your post my heart feels for you and is excited for you at the same time , as you are really special to be a believer and one of the ones on the strait path, after entering through the narrow gate.

    do you sell your art? it sounds interesting


    ps let me know your prayer request

  3. michael says:

    I do hope you’ll find a sense of God’s love as you spend time on this site and forum. God bless,


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