GOD’S LOVE PEEKS THROUGH THE DARKEST NIGHTS
Hi, my name is Joan. This is my story of how and when I got saved. But I am ashamed to say I back slid a few times but God was still with me although I didn’t know it.
I write all my experiences on different sites. Most of my life was a big mess but God untangled it all. I have been changed from an anti-social introvert to and easy going extrovert. The real change began in 1971 after a dream I had where God promised He would heal me in all areas. I am still a work under construction.
When my husband of 16 years ,informed me to go to the court house to sign divorce papers he applied for, I was devastated. He did it this way so our six lovely children would not have to see a policeman come to the door to hand them to me. Our marriage was not built on love or trust. We didn’t even like each other. We both married on the rebound. I added “to get away from home” as another reason for the marriage. God was not in it at all.
He kept the kids because I worked and the area would not rent to anyone with children. I had the three youngest one on weekends for awhile. It got to the point they did not want to visit me anymore. They had their friends and plans and that was more fun. I wasn’t the best mother. I worked a full time job; mostly split shifts. My kids didn’t really know me. I didn’t have much time for them.
Although my home life with my Father and Mother wasn’t pleasant and the same in my married life, I was never alone. I always had someone to protect me and make my decisions for me. To be out on my own was a scary proposition. I had to look for an apartment in an unfamiliar territory, buy a car, get all the utilities turned on. There was no one to help me do all this. This was my first step to maturity!
I even considered suicide as a way out. I wasn’t up to all this responsibility. After talking to Suicide prevention for about an hour, I pulled up my boot straps and plodded on. I made up my mind I would either sink or swim. I went to dances by myself. I joined a pen pal club and got about sixty replies. One was a man from N. Carolina. After several letters, he invited me to go fishing with him, his Mother, Father and son.
I threw all caution to the wind, and took off on the most dangerous and long journey of my life. I was scared when I had to drive seventeen miles to go to work. About five hundred miles was a gigantic step for me to take. Looking back, I can see all that I did from then on was the hard way I had to go to find God. He knew where I was but He wanted me to come to Him. After following everyone else’s rules all my life, I became rebellious and decided to do everything MY WAY.
After a few years, my pen pal and I got married in Pennsylvania. He decided he wanted to go back to North Carolina. I walked off a good job, packed my few belongings and headed on to our destination in two cars. In his car was his pet skunk sitting on top of his bald head. I had a German Shepherd in mine. Neither of us had a job so we slept in our cars near a cemetery for about three weeks.
Eventually we both got jobs with poor pay and could barely make ends meet.
Of course, this marriage wasn’t destined for success. I went my way; he went his. I was fired from my job because of him. The details aren’t important. I had one pay coming and no rosy outlook in sight. I was at the end of my rope in an unfamiliar land. I was too proud to admit defeat and return home on Pennsylvania to ask for help. One of my grown children would have taken me in.
I had enough money to get a room in a motel for $5 a week. I was at the end of my rope. I thought I would die or worse yet become a bag lady. I can be knocked down but I never stayed there. I found a church on Sunday and asked for God’s help as I cried bitter tears at the altar. For the first time in my life I felt love and peace.
On Wednesday I went to see the lady at the store near me where we owed money. I told her my predicament and not even knowing how God works, I told her I would pay her when I got work I had no clue. It would be O.K. It was nine months before I got a job. God was showing me how He will provide and always on time to fit the situation.
As I was ready to leave, the store owner stopped me. She said an eighty year old lady up on the hill needed someone to stay with her. Her husband just died and she was afraid to stay by herself. Immediately I went up to see her. By Friday I was moved in just as my time was up at the motel!
That began my story of my journey from the wilderness to the promised land. Some of it was awesome; some was bad but I learned from it all. Now God’s mission for me is to write about it to give hope to the hopeless. As the song goes “What He’s done for others; He’ll do for you.” We just have to trust Him. God bless you.