God Never Gives Up

This is my testimony in which God became real in my life and I think anyone who knows me would understand how real He is by learning about what I have been through.

When I was about six years old I was raised in a Catholic church and I did think it was boring but very important if I wanted to go to heaven.  I remember watching something on TV saying we needed to ask Jesus into our heart so we can get forgiveness and be saved.  I remember doing just that and knowing God as a kid.

Somewhere down the line I lost that.  As we moved around, I stopped going to church and I guess just got distracted with other things.

When I started junior high, I got into music.  I was raised listening to oldies by my mom, punk rock by my Auntie Lizz, heavy metal by my Uncle Anthony and country by my Granny. I was drawn to the darkest satanic type of music like Venom, Sodom, Slayer, Megadeth, Iron maiden and even Christian Death, but I didn’t think there was any harm in that since I wasn’t actually worshiping the devil, so I thought.

I knew certain people were intimidated by me because of what I was into and I liked being called “the Devil.”  I would tell people “Satan loves you” like no big deal.

I started smoking at 14 years old and drinking at 15, and I revolved everything around my music, like my clothes and what I did. Then when I got into high school I started playing with the Ouija board.  It’s real.  They also called me the devil there and I started to try witchcraft and psychics which were something fun, but when I hooked up with a high school boyfriend, God was trying to reach me.

I had a friend named Silver who would take me to bible studies since he was a Christian, and so I started seeking God.  I didn’t like God and what He stood for since it was better to do whatever I wanted and not be accountable for it to anyone. When people would tell me Jesus loved me I would say, “Who cares? Get out of my face!” God never gave up on me though and I’m so thankful now.

I played with the Ouija board everyday like an addiction.

I went to one bible study with my friend and realized when I came home I was going to Hell if I died that day. It’s a scary thought to realize how long eternity is compared to right now … and what if I was wrong and they were right?  I would be accountable for everything I’ve been doing (scary thought).

So I gave my life to Jesus that night and went to sleep.  That night I was awakened in my sleep … being held down, raped, and levitated by demons.  I couldn’t move and I couldn’t talk.  It became a daily torment for me and I never got any sleep. I tried sleeping with the TV on the Church channel or having my bible by my pillow.  Nothing worked.  I didn’t go to church and the Christian friend I did have didn’t know how to help me.  His pastor told me it shouldn’t happen to me since God wouldn’t send me something bad if I really gave Him my life.

I read the whole New Testament searching for answers and just thought it was dumb because it was the same story over and over, and God wasn’t helping me no matter how I prayed.  So I left God again.

I got married and was still talking to psychics – stuff like that – but I still got attacked in the spirit every now and then.

I did a lot of crazy things. I became a stripper and just lived a really reckless life even in marriage. When I got pregnant I felt the devil trying to attack my baby when I would sleep. I’d still pray to God but I was far from Him, even though He was just right there.

When I was seven months pregnant my husband decided he didn’t want to be married anymore and was gone just like that. So I started doing witchcraft to get him back. It seemed like it would work sometimes but after four months I got tired of it and just prayed, “You know, God, if you wanted him to come back to me I wouldn’t have to do all this.  You would just give him to me.”  So I threw it all away.

God was waiting for me to turn to Him.  I had a cousin Melissa who was a Christian.  She came to stay with me for a few weeks.  I confessed all the crazy stuff I had been doing and when she told me how God could help, I started going to church, and my life began to totally change.

God was answering prayers for me and showing me His will for life.  I was believing Him for my marriage and watched everything my ex-husband did fall to pieces, and within a year we tried to work things out.  It only lasted about two months because he wasn’t willing to let go of his past to move forward, so I guess in a way it worked out for me and drew me closer to God.

I did get remarried and had two more beautiful children.  But I felt I was trying to keep my family together for my kids’ sake, and when I started seeing how all the burdens of our house were put on me spiritually, I couldn’t fight alone.  I left more then once, and one time while being separated, my hyper son who was a year and a half drowned in my aunt’s pool.  We tried again to work on our marriage.

A year later the District Attorney tried to prosecute me for my son’s death, and my husband stood by me through it all; I love him for that and the judge threw out the case.

I’m so grateful to God for His mercy on my life.  I know I have a calling to help others who are going through similar things.  I’ve been through my second divorce, but I’m fine with that, since I’m finally out of an abusive relationship.

I have been through so many storms … and how did I ever deal with the demons attacking me in my sleep?  Well – I had to learn my authority in Christ Jesus and ask God to close the doors that I opened spiritually by using witchcraft.   Now He has called me to be an intercessor for the world and a prayer warrior.  I also am called to start a deliverance ministry of casting out demons!  I’m still waiting for God to show me how that’s going to work out.

I hope that I have helped someone somewhere with all that I’ve been through.  God has never given up on me and I am always questioning Him — why I have to go through these things, yet I trust that “all things work together for good,” (See: Romans 8:28-29).   They always do…..