Before I surrendered my life to my Lord and Savour, Jesus Christ, I had a deep sense of emptiness in my heart. As a way to fulfill this empty hole in my heart, I always looked to man to fulfill my needs with any kind of sin. At the time, I was not aware of what was really going on in my life and why I made all the wrong choices, not realizing the Holy-Spirit was what I really needed.
Marrying at the age of 25, I really did not believe I loved my husband and after two to three years I gave birth to our first son, in struggling to love as well. I felt totally empty – I felt I had nothing inside of me to give. I was a terrible mess because of all my past and present sins, the devil had put me in total bondage to him! I had no mind of my own really. I remember one incident shortly after my eldest son was born, I was cooking food over the element on the stove, boiling water, when I was on my own with my son asleep in his room, I fainted and collapsed on the floor and when I came conscience, not knowing why this happened, by the grace of God I was not hurt in any way was amazing.
Around five years after my eldest son was born, my husband wanted to come to Australia to live believing for a better lifestyle. Before we left, my relationship with my earthly father was strengthening and I got to Australia I use to find myself crying a lot. I found it very hard to adjust. I often got depression. We did find some work but was very hard for several years to make ends meet while my eldest son was growing up. After we had moved into our new home we got built for us, I suddenly one day had a desire to go to church. So my eldest son and I went to a local church and before we left, a young lady gave me a good news bible, which I accepted out of politeness as I had no intention in going back as I did not feel any power there. I think it may have been a Anglican church. I did attend another one, but they had mans doctrine, not knowing at the time though, did not leave a good imprint on me, so never went back.
I had been reading the horoscopes for years back and started going to Tarot readers and dabbling into the occult, searching for some sort of purpose in my life. When things weren’t going very well in my marriage, I would pick up the Bible and read from Proverbs, I got to know that was the book full of wisdom, as it was the only book that made any sense to me – never knew how to pray – as that had not even entered my mind as was not taught it by anyone or had been told by anyone it had power when praying through the Lord Jesus Christ to God. I was very much in darkness at that time.
Then slowly my marriage started falling apart, before I realised what was going on our business was in deep trouble, my husband was always coming home drunk and I suspected he was gambling. I had a miscarriage and things were just going from bad to worse over night and after both agreeing we separate and at that stage I was pregnant with my youngest son. Debt collectors came knocking at my door demanding money from me I never knew anything about. Then my sons friends mother came to my door telling me my husband was having an affair. From that point onwards, even though we separated for 3 years before we divorced, I never could fully trust him again.
In that time of separation, I was cleaning this house for one of my sons friends mother, when she invited me to her church. I went there for three years – including some time after my divorce but never really went through the new birth of being Born-Again.
After three years I left the church as I was questioning why people there did not believe that speaking in tongues was from God. I was wanting to go to a church were they believed in the Holy-Spirit. In 2002 I did find one and was baptized in water and then with the confirmation of the people in this church that speaking in tongues was the sign of the Holy-Spirit, I sought to receive it.
At that time I did experience a joy but never fully new what I had up to 6 years ago I had a supernatural encounter with God and He spoke to me in an audible voice. He put me in such a deep sleep which is very unusual for me , I usually only sleep 6 hours on the average each night, but I slept 10-12 hours, then in the morning He woke me up and was chastising me ( In the Bible , God says, He chastises those He loves ) and told me to renew my mind, He said be transformed by the renewing of your mind. I felt so light and full of energy after He came to me that morning – the room seemed to light up.
Since then, many things in my life started changing. I have a reverential fear of God now. I no longer have oppression and depression because I know my identity in Christ Jesus. I love meditating on Gods Word and He has shown me how to pray in so many different ways. I have been given revelation after revelation of His Word. I have found fasting not to be a burden now because He says in His Word, man cannot live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.
He who seeks after righteousness, will be filled. God is a Holy and righteous God and it is those who seek Him first and His Kingdom and all these things shall be added to Him.
I pray this day, my testimony will bless and encourage someone.