Right now I just feel overwhelmed by the spirit, I need to get this testimony out in the world. It is a hard story to tell because it brings up things from my past that I would much rather forget but here it is.
As far back as I can remember I have always had a rather unusual life. My mother was an alcoholic and wasn’t around much. I was left to care for my two younger brothers while our mother went from bar to bar. Occasionally she would bring men back home with her. She would bring them to our home in the middle of the night while my brothers and I were sleeping just a few doors away. It probably goes without saying that a few of them weren’t very friendly.
Growing up in this kind of environment takes a toll on a child. I became very angry; angry with everyone that was around and everyone that wasn’t. Most of the time I felt very alone. Along with my mothers drinking came a very short fuse and a volatile temper. Beatings became a regular occurrence, along with verbal abuse. I remember being called horrible names by her, and she was supposed to love me no matter what; what was I to think. I was angry, I was alone, and I was scared. After fifteen years of enduring every king of abuse imaginable you could probably guess how depressed I was. I wanted to die. For what I could see I had no more reason to live. Life to me was a worse punishment than death could ever bring. I can remember nights when all I could do is cry and beg a God that at the time I didn’t believe in to take me out of such a miserable existence. By the age of 23 I was struggling through college, and I had a husband and a child of my own to care for. But I couldn’t see through the cloud of depression in front of me. I had so much, but I just couldn’t see it. I wanted so much for someone to just love me, but I was lost in a deep depression. I felt hopeless, alone, afraid, abandoned, and worn thin. I just couldn’t take anymore that life had to dish out. Over the years I had attempted suicide several times. But every time there was someone there that reached out and pulled me back. Depression is a deep and dark place that no one should have to survive through. But fortunately for me I survived.
November 2005 there came a change in my life like no other. I will never forget that day. The day I meet the one person that loves me no matter what. It actually all started the weekend before, Halloween weekend. I was sick and couldn’t take my son out, so his father went with him and I was home alone. I was running a fever, and couldn’t get out of bed for the entire weekend. I can’t remember anything about Friday and Saturday; must have slept through those two days entirely. But by Sunday I was feeling better. I had a pretty normal Sunday at home with my family. As the day winded down I put my son to bed early for school the next day. I had class early the next morning so I decided to go to bed early myself.
After I had been in bed for about ten minuets or so I found myself talking to God. As every other night I had spent asking God to take me out of a horrible life. But this time I wanted more; I wanted to know why. Why did I have to live like this? Why did I have to go through so many horrible things? I asked God to show me; I had no idea what I was asking for but I wanted to see. I just kept asking over and over again show me, show me, show me. I felt myself start to drift away; I felt completely relaxed and it felt as if the world around me were gone. I didn’t feel the bed underneath me or the wind form the fan beside my bed. Everything was gone, I know I wasn’t asleep. I don’t know how I knew but I just did. And in a flash I was standing in front
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