I was an atheist, brought up in a "haunted house" filled with fear. I was reared with an alcoholic mother, a very distant angry father, and an alcoholic grandfather. A blind grandmother and a neurotic great aunt aided in rounding out this dysfunctional family along with a twin sister and other siblings at least 12 years our senior.
After leaving home for school, i was told my boyfriend (age 13) had committed suicide. This was when i began to dwell on death...what did it mean...what is it.. The rest of my schooling seemed to be a waste of time...because i could not think of work, only of death. Because of surgery, i had to leave school early. For one year i went home to live with a drunken mother i hated, with a fear filled household and , in the end...decided to go into nursing. i pondered.....death....but received no answers...It was at this time i got into the occult. and things went downhill from there.
Inside i wanted to die...I was a black hole i could not get out of.
I took an overdose of drugs stolen from the hospital ward, cut arteries in my wrists and waved goodby to the world I awoke in pain and with stitches. i was not sure if i was really alive.
They placed me in a room about 6x4 and i stayed there for several years. With 36 plus drugs a day, strapped in a straight jacket on occasion No window, no visitors, no furniture. just a mattress on the floor. no clothes on me...where was I. I did not know it then i was in a padded cell. After 17 months they moved me for short periods, to have treatments. they did not work. I hated life, feared everything, felt alone. There was no God...
The doctors advised therapy that meant outside the grounds in a hospital.High security wing of a psychiatric hospital In other words..an asylum. On one occasion i managed to escape but was captured and returned. the consultant told me "Liesl Stop running away,you are here for life, the quicker you accept this th
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