As a first time writer, I believe that I have written an extraordinary work of non-fiction, for I have truly lived an unimaginable life. There is nothing glamorous about this story, and I make no excuses, "No obstacle too great" invites you on a riveting roller coaster ride, as it's a journey through a life that has been nothing short of a shattered and tormented existence, which in its wake of forty-six years, has transformed itself by the Grace of God, from the unimaginable, to the extraordinary.
"I have faced many obstacles throughout my life,and none of it really mattered ! Not the twenty-five years of criminality, not the fourteen years I spent in prison, nor the thirty-five years of alcoholism, or the twelve years within narcotic drug addiction. All this in itself made my life very complicated, however to understand the true nature of unimpenetrable hardships, now add to the already incomprehensible horrors of my life, the devastating and incurable HIV infection, which on three seperate ocassions, having come out of remission, threatened to extinquish my life. None of this mattered more than trying to understand the Why, or more specifically What had for most of my life, left me colder than that iceberg that sank the Titanic ."
It has not only been through my writing, but more so within the struggles of positive changes, that in themselves can only be attributed to that of Divine Intervention. Within this journey I have faced and come to terms with my most paralyzing fears, unraveling the mysteries of my tormented life. However in order to truly understand the why, one must first fully explore the often painful, yet complicated paradoxes between our tormented yesterdays, and the struggles of today. As its within our past and present that we will find the answers to a more successful tomorrow.
"The answers although brutal, haunting and complex, declare themselves in each chapter"
In life,if you find a road without obstacles,it probably doesn't lead anywhere
Everything about this book presently remains in its original form, as it was written by me in 2001. In 2004,I first self published my work through WindShift Press here in Canada. Although the reviews I recieved were in themselves powerful, without the proper promotion and exposure, the book sat collecting dust. After speaking at a local high school a few times, I re-wrote, or should I say I one finger typed No obstacle again, weaving my ten thousand word speech into its body. In 2006 I again self published through Rosedog Publishing in the States. Again as is true of our own lives, things are not as they appear to be.
It definitely wasn't by accident, chance or any preconceived plan that now in my fiftieth year, I found myself on the steps of the Emmanuel Pentecostal Church here in New Westminster, British Columbia, Canada. I remember this particular night very vividly in my mind, it was the beginning of November, and as was my nature, I had arrived early. There was a slight chill in the breezy coolness of the evening air; however the spine wrenching chills that now penetrated the depths of my soul, had absolutely nothing to do with the weather. Although I was still trying with difficulty to grasp the significance of divine intervention, and the role it's unquestionably played within my life, I was about to jump my greatest hurdle and accept Jesus as my personal savior, and be baptized in His name.
As I nervously paced back and forth in a restless apprehension within the church's inner courtyard, my thoughts frantically raced in many different directions, and everything for the moment seemed to be beyond my immediate comprehension. I was gripped within a combination of thoughts or were they in actuality revelations, that momentarily embraced me, not so much in fear, but more so in a reverent awe. Within an unknown familiarity, I had carefully been studying this historical church from many angles, and noticed that it had not only weathered many of its own storms throughout its colorful history, but within its determined persistency, resisted and overcome all of life's obstacles. Suddenly any clarification I needed regarding the hardships of my life, and what it all meant, my answers now seemed to be found within the rustic nature of the church's very appearance, where I saw my own persistent and determined character etched within its rugged beauty. It was within those brief precious seconds that I somehow grasped with conviction, that Christ all along knew the circumstances of my life.
As the church is now considering the possibility of re-publishing my book into its third life, the only exceptions have been made to the dedications, the introduction, and to the offensive language, which I had decided to omit from the text as well.
The writing of this book was in and of itself at times not only a very painful experience, but in the same breath, has become an invaluable journey of self-discovery and spiritual awakening. My life as I've now come to understand it has played itself out within God's molding process in four different stages, and the following story is but the tip of the iceberg. I am almost near completion of my second manuscript entittled " In memory of an angel ", and well into my third work of non-fiction " Leaves in the wind ", which are continuations to an already incredible life, however it is within these pages, and what lies beyond "No obstacle too great", that truly gives God's Majestic Grace its breathlessness.
In considering myself somewhat of a writer, especially in words of a non-fictional description, its then within this capacity that I now assume an even greater responsibility. For when in words of this very nature, I must be ever so careful in their structure, as they will in one form or another leave an impact upon people's lives. The beauty within the truth and conviction of my shattered life will only be measured by the extent of its influential appreciation. Without having the benefit of a full education, nor ever having been schooled towards being a writer.I have, through my greatest internal struggles come to understand and accept the reality, that I have been entrusted by what can only in all its definitions be considered a gift, that is not of this world". Even tougher was the understanding that this gift was not for my benefit, instead its purpose was to be a blessing to others.
The facts within my written testimony will undisputedly give evidence that God Himself directed the steps of my life, and is sitting mightily upon His Throne, and preparing for the return of our Blessed Savior Jesus Christ. As seen throughout the irrefutable written word, from the beginning of creation, regardless of the brutalities within oppressive dictatorships, or the catastrophes that have continually hammered each successive generation, or the acts of war, that have continually threatened, to weaken and stagger the progression of mankind. Regardless of the devastating addictions, or the incomprehensible illnesses that not only continue to cripple humanity daily, but within their path of destruction, disable entire communities, and threaten nations as a whole. "God has throughout the ages, within every generation, brought forward an abundance of prophetic voices from all nations. These are His chosen ambassadors, messengers elect, who within their own powerful testimonies, can, have and will continue to deliver His people from the suffocating bondages, unleashed by the enemy of all Righteousness.
In writing these words, I am fearful to place myself even within a consideration of such a privileged position, however when in reflection of my life, one can't but help marvel at the extraordinary night and day differences, or the seemingly impossible positive transformations. Never within my sorrowful life was there anything that would substantiate my being a man of great wisdom, nor was there any indication that my life was destined for anything other than misery and suffering, as within its first forty years, it had certainly played itself out in the very pits of hell. Of my own resources I could never, ever have changed the course of my destructive life, although without unquestionable dispute, I am a living testimony to the fact that Our Lord God does in fact hear our cry of help, and it does not matter whether this plea was one of faith or unbelief, as the two walk hand in hand. As long as we allow ourselves to be molded by the Grace of the Holy Spirit, God will heal and restore all the broken pockets of our lives, to heights greater than their original state. My own perception of my very existence could be tragically summed up within the following metaphor;
"For a moment, try to imagine during the beginning stages of your life being abandoned in the middle of a raging sea, left alone without the benefit of even a life preserver. Each of my years had brought its own thundering wave crashing down upon me, threatening to shallow me in its darkest depth. With an unexplainable willpower, I battled each treacherous wave. In reaching its peak and briefly catching my breath, as I aimlessly drifted into the next unknown valley. I'm once again drawn into an unrestrained despair, longing for my life itself to cease, as on the horizon I see the next hideous wave approaching with a terrifying ferociousness. Through many years of painful reflection, I've come to understand with a clearer appreciation, that something far greater than anything within myself, had not only kept me afloat, but instilled within me a persistent and determined desire to rise above anything life had to offer. "
From my earliest childhood within its innocent purity there was a sexual molestation, which left its filthy stain and torturously haunted the deepest corridors of my mind. There was insurmountable instability due in part to parental abandonment, as they pursued their own selfish wants and needs above those of their children, which ingrained within my personality, a deep rooted dysfunctional insecurity. At fifteen years old I began my thirty-five year battle with chronic alcoholism. One year later I embarked on a life of crime, prison survival and violence that spanned the next twenty years, of which fourteen were spent in various prisons. At thirty-years of age I became a narcotic drug addict as well, which I battled for the following twelve years. If such a life wasn't in itself enough to drive you to the brink of insanity, buckle your seat belt as it gets worse. As a result of my addictions and unpredictable behaviors I was told I have the HIV infection, and that my life would be very short-lived. Twelve years have now passed since that devastating diagnosis, and as I am writing these very words, without any hesitancy, beyond a shadow of a doubt, or a murmur of uncertainty, I know that God Himself delivered me to Emmanuel Pentecostal church to be baptized in His name. Yes the reality clearly now exists within my mind, that my life, before its very conception, to this very moment in time, had been pre-orchestrated for a specific and meaningful purpose.” God within His glory is using the circumstances of my shattered and tormented life as a further means of restoring the blind to sight. "
Something I wrote and believe in very much:
Moving mountains and walking on the water
Every addiction along with every negative behavior or influence in our lives, is a mountain, and when in sincerety and committment give that mountain to God, within each day of abstinence, the mountain takes a step away from us. Eventually it disapears from our sight, no longer having any signifigance in our lives, therefore we have just went from what was once a crippling impossibility, to a living reality, and just like peter we too now walk on the water...
The powerful transformations within God's Majestic molding process began in 1997, my fortieth year. This was the year that my life had literally lost all its meaning, and it was while in serious thoughts of self extinction, that I had somehow for the first time found the courage to ask God for a miracle...It's very strange that I would make such a request, for I had never within my life embraced a true faith or belief, and wasn't sure if I was even capable of ever doing this, for there never within my life existed a hope that could have been extinguished. Almost from birth, my mind had been a continual habitation of demons, where the very powers, and principalities of darkness themselves have manipulated my life, like a puppet on a string. It has only been through deep reflection, while exploring the complicated and entwined paradoxes that made up my life, between the issues of right and wrong, to distinguishing reality from the painted illusions I had created within this complex puzzle which represented my mind, that the evidence clearly now in my mind manifests itself. Christ within the helplessness of my circumstances had patiently carried me, and it did not matter whether it was in faith or unbelief, He was waiting for my cry of help, which would "ignite that unknown spark of hope with a fierce and persistent determination."
In the bible, the book of Ezekiel, chapter thirty-seven tells about a valley full of dry bones, where God himself asks Ezekiel if he believes, whether He, Lord God can bring these bones back to life. Our very own lives, whether viewed through the hardships of our circumstances, or those suffocating nooses of crippling addictions and devastating illnesses, represent that very same valley of dry bones. The questions we must often find ourselves in need of an answer are; can our faith allow us to believe that God can restore our dry bones back to life? Where does this faith come from, and how does one get it! Rest assured, entertaining the reality of God within your life, is not an exercise of futility! How can I be sure of this? From that very moment ten years ago, in my brokenness and unbelief, when I called upon the Lord, God has miraculously blessed my life many times, while continuously tapping me on the shoulder trying to capture my attention, and until a year ago, I didn't even know it.
As with anything in this life, nothing comes easy, to be successful there is a progression of events within that process, and this as well includes entering the kingdom of Heaven. As my words come from a heart that was once encrusted within layers of hardened callousness, I empathetically understand that it's easier said than done, when I ask you to believe that not only is faith in itself is a powerful gift of transforming grace, but that within us there exists an awesome God, who can and will restore the shattered pieces of our lives. It's never easy, always remember that even for those that profess a long fellowship in Christ, have a hard time with faith. Having been at the end of my rope many times throughout my life, I'm very familiar within the concept from an unbeliever's perspective, or those struggling with unpredictable addictions, and incomprehensible illnesses, to that person who for the first time enters a church, never having known the Lord. It's almost second nature, and certainly within thier world of dysfunctional familiarity, it's much easier for them to readily accept the harshness of their existence as fate, or just the way the cards of life were dealt to them, rather than trying to grasp the immeasurable reality of God. However as long as you continue to hang on to this delusional thinking, you will never have anything greater than surviving yet another day, as your life continues within it's daily grind of disparity and hopelessness.
Faith in it's most simplistic nature has always been within our grasp, and the key to unlocking its mystery lies in these very words. " In order to have a faith you first must have a belief, to have a belief there must be an acknowledgement of a higher power, a super natural force greater than yourself, which has been guiding the very steps of your life! Our most painful journey, and I just can't stress it enough will be that one of internal reflection, especially more so in terms of a destructive life, as it's there that the very foundations of change or growth of any kind must first begin. Sometimes it sounds as though the preacher is trying to sell us an elusive treasure map, which is definitely not the case. It's only when you look deep within yourself, you'll not only come to understand that all those night and day differences within your life are the map, and that you within their definitions, are the immeasurable treasure. Once fully explored, the possibilities of the unknown will be awakened, and you to will begin to realize the unlimited realities within the world of the impossible.It's there that you'll begin to find that undeniable faith.
As a result of my testimony, should you recieve the benefit of insightfullness, that would in itself alter the co
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