New Age experiences and the power of God

Story of Damian Spaulding

*Names were changed to protect individuals' identities

Part 1: Birth to death

My story must start when I was a baby. It seems the spirit world always had a strong desire for me. I was a fairly difficult child to conceive, but was born in Kingston Jamaica June 25 1976. I also had grand-mal seizures when I was still a baby (that will play a part in my story later).

Shortly after I was born one of my many uncles fell deeply in love with me. He was at that point unable to conceive of a child himself and in a way I became like his own son. He spent hours with me day after day. Rocking me, talking to me, or just observing my movements as I learned how to operate in this strange world. Others at that time would also see a unique calling on me and mention it my parents I still don't really know why. As I said before, Glen (my uncle) was a man who desperately wanted a son and could not have one. He was also deathly afraid of planes, and rightfully so. Within only a few months of my birth he was killed on impact when one of his planes Collided into the side of the Blue Mountain. Death was instantaneous. My immediate family and I knew he was dead long before dental records identified his body because his "Spirit" would knock on the front door and ask my mother if he could see me one last time. My mother diligently argued with him every night and refused to let him in the house for weeks, but eventually she gave in and let him in once to observe me in my sleep. (If this seems far fetched wait until you hear the rest of my story. This is just the beginning). After a period that night, my mom encouraged him to leave and would not let him in again. He still showed up every night until my mother and a few friends resolved the situation by encouraging him to "move into the light" and not listen to his fears surrounding it. Glen was not Christian and he was never seen again after that day. – 1976

As I grew up, strange things continued to happen. I had a familiar spirit that I would share my toys with. I remember she was a little girl who always wore the same dress every day. She was pretty quiet and easy to get along with. When the house was quiet I would also consistently hear voices calling my name. I remember my mother bathing me one day in the tub when shivers and deep fear permeated my body as I heard a cast of familiar voices saying slowly, ominously, and persistently. Damian…… Damian……… Damian……….. It was almost like a demonic horror flick. I was only two years old, and deathly afraid of what stood around the corner. My mother comforted me.

We soon moved to Canada (for political reasons) and as I grew a little older I began honing my clairvoyant giftings by doing exercises like having my younger brother Chad flip a coin and predicting what face would show. Within a short time my accuracy grew to about 78 – 95%. For the first 30 flips I was 95% accurate then as I fatigued it reduced to about 78%. I always won at poker. I knew when to risk, but could not fully read the cards. I never played the odds. I played intuition. When I flipped dice, I could manipulate which side faced up. I could read half a deck of cards by the time I was in college. The list goes on but I will stop there.

As I grew up I also felt the strong protection of Gods hand on my life. For instance when I was about seven years old I was breaking rules by scaling a rock cliff over 100 ft tall. At the base of the cliff was treacherous swift running water. About half way trough my trip I found myself standing on a thin ledge and falling back with nothing to grab on to. When I reached the point of balance where I knew I was going to fall and there was no hope, I felt a strong gust of wind and was pushed safely back onto the rock face. The people I was with were astonished. I felt the hand of God holding me there. Protecting me. Because of this experience, I quickly Became an "adrenaline junkie" and have the scars to prove it. I should be dead many times over from some of the stunts I have pulled, but deep down I knew that God would protect me; and he always has. I entered into two fights in grade school. I had a fairly wimpy build so some kids assumed they could pick on me and I let them to a certain extent. In the two occasions I retaliated, the kids just pushed too far. The first fight I won fairly easily. The second was two on one. Both kids were older than me and I was cornered within the crowd of onlookers. In this fight (Never taken martial arts before) I somehow used martial arts to defeat them both. The fight ended with me flipping one over my shoulder onto the ground in front of me. At that moment "seeing red" I had to stop my self from delivering a killing blow to his neck. I was going to put my fist through his ribs when I felt my "Aura" Broken from behind. I spiritually timed my turn, and with my eyes completely closed, fisted my opponent in the temple with a spinning hook punch. Destroyed his glasses, bloodied his face, and he ran. When I turned, my other opponent fled in tears. The reason why I mention it is that part of my heritage is Chinese. I believe that because of this lineage there have been inter-generational spiritual effects transferred into my life. I am sure somewhere in my ancestry there were many martial artists. I sometimes had to fight spirits in my dreams (in a martial arts sense. In college I believe some of them were life threatening). Also often when I went to bed as a young child. I would feel spirits staring down at me as I lay there and enter my room when I tried to sleep. It greatly intimidated me. I learned to erect energy shields around myself to protect myself from them. I was becoming a Jedi Night in many ways. Although I was brought up in a God fearing home and I knew of Jesus, as of yet I didn't "know" Jesus. I didn't know how to have an intimate relationship with him where he would protect and answer my questions. To me Christ was just an obligation and religion. On a couple of occasions I used Ouija with a friend (where I believe I picked up a familiar spirit) and I wrote a book of reflections on my thoughts of the universe and questions that only God could answer. I still amaze myself when I see the wisdom of the words I wrote from that time. I was going to enclose one in my story, but I would rather e-mail some to you if you are interested. All you have to do is ask damianspaulding@hotmail.com.

Here is where my story really begins. It was my final years in high school. I was facing many difficult decisions in my life. Mainly what to do with it. I was entertaining either doing new age healing (shiatsu, caranial sacral, therapeutic touch etc.), professional music, or computer programming-taking after my father. I was busy organizing and running major events on organizational counsel, and my grades were as they always were. Frustratingly low. My "Reflections" book of poetry, thoughts and questions had left me my head spinning in circles and I so desperately wanted answers to my questions, one night I did the unthinkable. In an attempt to get some answers, I used my honed mind control skills; I stopped my heart from beating. At that time my self-esteem was fairly low and frustrating memories plagued me (not unlike many nights at that time). Through the yearning desperation I decided it was time. I listened to my heart beating, slow and relaxed. I heard my blood rushing through my body and there was droning noise in my ears that grew louder and louder. The noise was almost like a mechanical clock spinning and whirling inside my ears. It was deafeningly persistent, and extremely distracting and aggravating. I became disgusted with my inefficient and noisy physical body and craved peace in the silence of my spirit. For a time the droning noise continued to drive me batty. A part of me cried for it to stop and stop it did. In an instant there was silence. For the first time in my life I heard true silence. It was exhilarating! Blissful. No blood, no nothing. I could hear a pin drop in a room next to me. I could hear a mouse squeak in the basement. In fact, I did hear the furnace running two stories under me. A sound that normally only could be heard from the basement when beside it. It felt wonderful. My body was dead but my mind was alive. Then dizziness hit me. Severe dizziness. I felt that if my eyes could open, everything would be spinning so rapidly that all I would see was a blur. Picture severe drunkenness and multiply it by about 10. I knew I was falling into the next stage. I saw a vision of a stiff, manikin like body falling down a dark endless shaft. Slowly turning as it descended. In the silence I began to hear rushing noises all around me as I increased speed. I was passing through a doorway not knowing where it led. Then I landed. The dizziness stopped and I was standing in an unknown land. I did not know what to think. I just knew this was the real thing. I was dead. It was nothing like a fluffy "embraced by the light story". It was real. Too real. Within moments after I got my bearing, I noticed a countdown in my mind. In a way I saw the numbers of a digital clock in the sky counting down from twenty seconds. I intuitively knew this was the time I had left before it became impossible to return. It was then that I realized the true severity of what I had just done. Only twenty seconds did not seem like enough time and I knew the longer I waited the harder it became to go back. I looked around and saw just open night sky. All other spirits seemed to ignore me as they went about their business. I still heard the white noise of the tunnel that I entered through. It was still there in the sky.

"Where was God?" "Why does this feel vaguely familiar?" "I must have been reincarnated! This is too familiar" I navigated around for a second or two at the speed of thought and realized in the distance there was an open library. A library in the sky without walls. The countdown continued. 18,17. In a blink of an eye I was within the confines of this learning area and I came to the understanding that this area contained all of the answers of the universe. I was so elated. 16… I opened myself to the knowledge gate and answers began to play through my mind like the pictures in the movie "The Lawnmower Man". I saw pictures and diagrams of our entire universe being created and all the fabrics within it. I began to see all wisdom and knowledge of man and spirit. I even saw Einstein's Theory of relativity and understood holes in the theory as true spirituality had the real answers (they were big.). I began to truly understand everything and it was bliss. I wanted to take all of the knowledge I could back with me, but I knew that this knowledge was knowledge of the spirit and could not be taken back into my little material brain. I would have to be dead and one with God to keep it forever and I wanted that. I was enjoying myself so greatly. I wanted to stay for a long time. But then another knowledge hit me. I stepped back from the books (The clock read 12.. ) and immediately realized I had three choices. The voice of (what I thought to be) God spoke directly to my heart. It said "You can stay here for a time and then be judged like all the rest; you can go back and return to your life, or you will come now and be judged and begin your true eternal life." I now had t decide. 11… time was running out. The thought of being immediately judged partly appealed to me because I would love to be in heaven, but also absolutely horrified me because my spirit had a knowledge of where I would probably end up--- hell --- I wasn't ready (I hadn't given my life to Jesus to save me). Even though I was a really good guy. I definitely wanted to change my destination first. I needed to repent on earth and accept God somehow even though I did not as of yet know how. The second option also sounded appealing, but if I chose to stay here it would be nice for a while (Maybe 100 years or so) child's play compared to true heaven, and then I know where I would end up. The third option, as unappealing as it was seemed to be the wisest.

I believed this reality was where my uncle was when he spoke to me. I believed that it was in this world I could somehow go back to earth in spirit form and become what some called an 'Earthbound spirit' or ghost. But I did not have the time to explore that option, I would just be judged anyway. For some reason the illusion of reincarnation didn't seem too viable at that point in time. It took me years to find out why. I will explain it later. I will also explain why it was so familiar Read on.

Going back to my options. It is interesting that even though I was not a Christian at that time, the choices that were given to me reflected the teachings of the Christian bible. I rethought my three options again. Trying my chances at being judged seemed somewhat appealing because I knew about God, and after all I was a pretty nice guy. I did know my judgement will be fair and just, I would be able to argue my case if needed and the decision made would make complete sense to me afterward. But my wisdom still kicked in and showed me that no matter how nice of a guy I was, there was still not much of a foundation to stand on. As the truth says, I needed to truly accept Christ (Even though I didn't fully know what that meant at the time). You may completely disagree with that last sentence, but it is true and the truth will be known to everyone upon our deaths. No matter what you believe there is one truth and Jesus Christ becomes our mediator when we face the one and only God that created us. If we do not let him into our lives and receive his love for us, than we have for fitted our gift of using him as our "lawyer in the courts of heaven." He already feels and knows everything you do and wants to protect, defend, and love you, but we all must choose to accept him as he is a gentleman and will never force himself upon you. He does not and will not condemn you, he only wants to love and protect. There is no one else I would rather share my life with how about you? You know it in your heart that what I have just said is true because you feel him right now tugging at your soul. He is saying in his words "I want to love you and give you eternal life in ecstasy. I want to wash away your pain. The pain that only you and I know about. Why won't you jut let me bless you? Why do you hold back? Don't wait. I am here." If I am wrong, then you are unlucky. If you are wrong and you don't listen to your heart……… well… Please don't find out the hard way. You have a chance now to say just one simple sentence. Knowing Jesus is much better than living without him. And he doesn't really expect much from you. He just want's you to accept him. Many can show you what I mean. Just say the words "Jesus I accept you into my life to save me. Wash me clean". The hardest sentence you will ever say out loud. Say it slowly with your heart behind it and you will see what I mean. Anyway, back to my story.

I needed to make a choice. I did not want to be judged. I wanted to go to heaven. I did not now how to go to heaven at that time, but I knew that answer could be found on earth and that is where I needed to go. In hindsight it did not seem like I had much of a choice, but I had a choice none the less. God always lets us choose our path until judgement day. We are judged (fairly I might add) then we are free to choose again. Some of us within the confines of heaven and unfortunately some of us within the confines of hell. Plain an simple. Sometimes the truth hurts.

Time was running out and at that decision moment pictures of my life hit me. I saw faces in my life that would be severely hurt if I died at this time. Maybe even some vulnerable friends would have taken their own lives out of their pain. It was those pictures that helped me to finally make up my mind. I decided to return to my body. The clock now read 8 and I was getting dangerously close to no return. I was positive I wasn't ready to be judged. I knew I could come back later and I could not have the death of my close friends on my selfishness. I looked back to the sky where the cylinder channel to my life was deteriorating and made a beeline for it. Going back to earth was like swimming against rapids. It was extremely difficult. If only I hadn't waited so long it would have been easier. I fought and fought and tirelessly fought. Exhaustion came quickly and I a few times I wanted to give up but I knew I was getting close when I saw the stiff manikin rotating backward and ascending to contiguousness. By the time I reached the top of the tube I was so spent that I almost quit to get sucked back in. I knew death was still close. I was still extremely dizzy but I could hear again and I could tell I was lying in bed. I grasped tightly for my life. The first sound I heard was the furnace in the basement. It was a strange comfort but I knew I was far from done the fight. My heart soon started. The deafening blood rushed through my ears and body. My heart beat strongly but slowly. I then felt a severe headache (probably from the lack of oxygen to my brain) and my body was paralyzed. I paused for a moment thinking I could relax and gain strength. Almost immediately the dizziness grew stronger. No!!!! I said loudly in my mind. As I grasped for my life again. I had to keep fighting or else that was it. I was extremely tired and uncertain how I was going to make it.

As I came closer to consciousness, the noise in my ears faded off and I tried to feel the rest of my body. I was still paralyzed and couldn't move. My strength could only take me so far. At this point I began to panic. I couldn't stop here because death was still so close! I didn't want to die!!! I was so exhausted I knew that I could not make the trip back again if I fell. I tried to force my eyes open out of the dizziness, and succeeded. I peered at the ceiling trying to stabilize myself and succeeded. The next step was to roll out of my bed. I tried to move my legs and failed. Couldn't even move my big toe. Oh the panic… It was then that I heard the TV in my parent's room down the hall. I knew my mother would hear me if I yelled. If only I could call her with my voice. The dizziness hit me again, I fought it, and then it subsided. Frustrated and frightened, I tried calling her name. Nothing came out. I wanted to cry. I concentrated on waking my lungs and voice from death. I attempted to take a deep breath and barely moved my rib cage. I felt like a baby rediscovering its body. I attempted another breath and managed to fill the very top of my lungs. When I used it to speak, only a faint squeak emanated from my throat. With every breath I took I became more in this world. I relearned my diaphragm and took a larger breath (Still tiny compared to normal respiration). The second attempt revealed just a little hint of my normal voice. I decided it was taking too long and I would give it one more chance. I would muster all that I had for one short "Mom" If she didn't hear then I would have to give up and die. I took a final breath and out came the word (At a good noise level I may add) I suppressed my self. "What is it?" was her reply. Not the answer I wanted. I wanted to hear her footsteps approaching me. I did not have the strength to replay again. I held in for a little while longer. I was still paralyzed so I concentrated awakening my fingers and toes. Thankfully my mother got up out of her room and approached my bedside "What is it?" she repeated.

After a pregnant pause I managed to utter the words " I stopped my heart from beating" upon speaking that short sentence I felt her genuine concern in the air. She fell immediately to her knees almost in tears and uttered a quick prayer under her breath that I could not hear. My strength was slowly returning. It helped greatly knowing she was just there to be beside me to fight with me if I needed. I moved my hand for the first time.

"Damian… there are people that can do that by choice. I have even read some of their books. You must promise me that you will never do that again." I uttered the word "Yes" I kinda wanted to explore some more when I had more strength. Then realized how reckless of an idea that really was. Because of that experience the spirit of death plagued me every night for weeks, and on and off for years. My mom prayed, waited, and understood. I asked her to stay for a while (while I regained my strength) and she did. When I regained my body enough, I chose to try to get up move to the light of my parents' bedroom. It seemed safer and more "real" than my room. I eventually got out of bed and documented the entire experience in my book of reflections to keep me awake. For the remainder of that night I was deathly afraid to sleep. In fact that fear remained for many nights to come. I tried my best to stay awake as long as I could for the remainder of the night, then realized I was so fatigued I had no choice but to rest. When I attempted sleep that night, The spirit of death tried to kill me outside of my will. I fought it for a period and eventually managed to sleep without death. I figured it was better to do sleep when I had a little strength in me than to wait till after three days of insomnia to then fight the battle. I am glad I was successful. As mentioned before, for many days to come I would be tired at school or at home and when I tried to sleep the dizziness would return (by the way, this dizziness felt different than other natural forms. It was very easy to distinguish). In fact I feared sleep with a passion for about a month and a half after that night. There also were spirits of death that plagued my thought life for a time. I will explain that all later in my story. There is much more. Death was not an easy battle, but eventually with God I gained victory. I told no one of this experience for years. Near death – May 29 1994 11:37 PM.

The next day was strange. A little like the twilight zone. When I woke up the first thing that came to mind was the night before. I witnessed the sun cascading across my room and thought that today the sun would have risen without me. How long would it have taken before my whole world knew. What would be the reaction from my parents of this mysterious death? What would doctors say? Would there be a moment of silence at my school? How would my friends react? What shock would they feel? I made a point that day to touch base with as many friends as possible to see how they were doing, thinking all the time I could be dead. I gained a new understanding and appreciation of the brevity of life. My parents and I never spoke openly about the events that transpired the night before. We mainly communicated through eye contact, facial expressions, and the occasional "Are you ok?" "How are you doing?" "Are you ready to go to school?" We somehow understood and accepted what had happened. I partly think my parents weren't too surprised that something like this happened to me. After all, they were aware of my spiritual walk from birth and it didn't take long before everything fell back to normal. My account of the experience stayed filed (hand written) in my Reflections book and still is there today. I refused to read of that page for many years for fear it would reopen the door to death. It was an experience that still left me curious but wisely not seeking answers in the same manner. I probably would have tried it again if the spirit of death had not continuously plagued me when I was weak. It was not worth the risk of experimenting with control one night, to then find myself out of control the next and ending up dead. That strange night I broke a basic new age rule "never open a door that you do not know how to close". I ignored that rule and reaped the benefits of my stupidity. In truth however, any door you open in new age is impossible to close afterwards, to think you can is a misconception. My story explains more of that later.

Finally, as powerful as stooping my heart from beating was, I now consider it a cheap parlor trick compared to what I know my Lord can do and has done. I have learned the hard way that although parlor tricks, wizardry, and new age can be fun, gifts like those are like a burning candle. The candle creates an enjoyable and tangible light that can be seen by many, but you being the candle creating the light are continually consumed until your wick is no more. The light fades… You had a good time… now you are nothing. God's light is never ending and accessed through praise and prayer. It does not consume you, but makes you stronger. God power does far greater things. It took me over 20 years to come to that understanding, and it takes a lot of people longer. Some their whole lives. But it does catch up to you weather in life or in death. It will get you. It is not worth it. Plug yourself into a higher power. I will show you how to even more later. I promise. Oh yeah, and some of the questions about reincarnation and death will be explained in the next chapter. I can always be reached at damianspualding@hotmail.com.

Within a month and a half after my near death experience (still plagued by spirits) a high school friend introduced me to a church where I gave my life to the Lord. From that day forward my destination was decided. I was going to heaven but I still had a lot of confusion in my spiritual walk and bondages that plagued me. It is because of these bondages that I still searched for a closer relationship with my Lord within the practices of new age. In truth, being a Christian did not instantaneously fix all of my problems and pains. I have learned that sometimes healing occurs miraculously and while other times God heals through a loving process. Either way God is faithful and restores our souls.

The decision I came to regarding the rest of my life at that time was to peruse a career as a massage therapist. I figured through bending the rules a little, I was able to practice new age healing on the masses and do great things for God. Doing great things for God is still my greatest desire. I was given the gift of healing as a child and I had a great hunger to use it to its fullest potential. By this time I had already studied a fair amount in new age healing and was practicing it on an almost daily basis. Shortly after starting college, in fact in the middle of my first mid term exams, a few friends and I got together to watch The Ultimate Fighting Challenge (a competition where on average one fighter dies every year). The UFC strongly appealed to the trained martial arts side of me. I was either a green or blue belt at the time. After the Video was finished, being guys we decided to wrestle in the living room. I was one of the first people to start. In all of my days I had always been a distance fighter and never a wrestler. My opponent was definitely a wrestler. In our duel I got tangled up and skipping the details, I fractured my arm clean through in two places. My left arm was completely toast. When my bone broke it cracked so loudly that it sounded like a healthy tree branch broke off of a large tree outside. I remember looking out the window to see if that was what truly happened and lay down in shock immediately after finding out that my wrist was lying on the floor when it should have been by my face. Either I grew a second elbow or my arm was broken. Using my mental distancing skills I bore the pain so well that even the motcho men were impressed. In fact I studied for my next days exam in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. After being casted, my prognosis was not favorable. My orthopedic surgeon told me I would have to be in a cast for at least 8 weeks. Unacceptable in a hands-on school. Within a couple days, loaded with Demerol my parents took me home. The drive hurt. I felt every bump of that two our drive.

It just happened that our next door neighbor that time was a second level caranial sacral practitioner. He had treated me in the past and was very good at what he did. He inadvertently taught me a lot when we conversed. That week when he worked on my arm I almost couldn't believe what I felt. The sensations and results fascinated me. As he worked I could feel my bones literally gyrating within my arm and knitting together in an accelerated fashion. Even through the cast my bones lined up and began to heal. It confirmed to me everything I knew I had to do. I must learn to do this myself. When I moved back up to Sutton (School) again I taught my new friend Jeff Goldie the art of energy work. Even though he had never done it before, almost immediately he could feel my bones moving without even touching my skin. The sensations for the two of us were rather radical! We learned a lot together and from each other. Jeff could be best described as a six-foot tall, skinny loving teddy bear. He had a true servant's heart, and I loved him for it. Because of our close spiritual walk together, our relationship deepened quickly. Deeper than any other I had ever known. We soon trusted each other with our lives. He learned quickly as I taught him the therapies of Creanial sacral, Shiatsu and Therapeutic touch. Often his energetic strength and powers would surprise me as I felt the heat of his hands while working on me. As I expected, my arm healed two times faster than any other person my age. My doctor was thoroughly impressed. I even cockily cut off my own cast at four weeks and started doing push ups almost right away. I wanted to rehab my arm as quickly as possible. It is within this season of our lives that the uncontrollable spiritual manifestations began. Because my arm was doing so well we decided to begin work with somato-emotional releases (ridding negative and hurtful memories left in our bodies and souls). We relived "past lives", honed skills that allowed us to see and speak to spirits that inhabited rooms with us, and protected ourselves from them with our energy. We also learned how to strengthen our aura, project and direct energy, see living creatures through walls, project spiritual sight into great distances (and accurately observe what was happening in real time), seemingly cast out demons with our energetic forces we even eventually channeled spirits upon occasion. I am sure there was more but presently I do not recall. Before long, members within our school would call us in a panic when they felt spiritual attacks in their homes and ask us to come and take care of it. We became like the "Ghost Busters" J fighting on the spiritual plane. It was exhilarating, awe inspiring, and at times terrifying. To give you an example: I would be walking home alone and feel the presence of a spirit walking within one foot behind me. It towered over me. The spirit also had the face of an angry decaying laughing skull from the pit of hell. Burning with hatred, anger, and inflicting fear upon me. It wore a black cloak that covered its head and it projected into my mind a voice that sounded like the screams of many tormented lost souls. This was just one of tree spirits I truly feared. Often I would have to run to my destination and barricade myself in my room to protect myself from it. Another was the spirit of murder that effected my life. The same spirit that almost gave that child the killing blow while in a fight in grade one. I became afraid of expressing true anger because I was trained through martial arts how to kill and destroy and I didn't know how far I would actually go if I lost control. Often I would also fight spirits in my sleep. Martial arts style. Almost like Bruce lee.

The third spirit was a spirit that was also unlike the others. This one I named "Nasty lips" to try to deaden my fear of it. I believed I picked up this spirit while playing ouigi as a child with a friend. However I did not see its true colors until I was an adult. I remember once I was sitting in the living room with Jeff having a conversation about spirituality and time. When I noticed him enter through the wall. Upon entering he looked through the room and then immediately at me sitting down with a broken arm in a physically and emotionally weakened state. I knew he wanted me. Fear struck me in almost a paralyzing way, but I could not show it on the outside without bringing risk to myself. I told Jeff he was here with us and he agreed with me. Jeff said when the spirit entered he felt something change in the air but he did not know what. The spirit began to make a move for me, and I began to cower in fear. I did not know what he wanted (there is no such thing as a good spirit. Some spirits actually dress in false light to gain your trust but eventually they show their colors). I whimpered "Jeff, he is coming!!!" Jeff quickly moved between it and me and asked, "What do I do?" My reply was either "I don't know" or "you already know". Immediately Jeff raised his arm out toward it and spoke with great authority. Declaring that he was protecting me and that the spirit had no right to touch me. Despite that, the spirit still drew closer. I closed my eyes and tried to shield myself. I feared that if the spirit got to me he could easily re-fracture my arm. Needless to say that was the last thing I wanted. Jeff now observing our dynamic began to shout at it! Commanding it to leave his house and leave us alone. He rose to his feet in authoritarian anger. Immediately it stopped its approach. I raised out my hand in agreement with his, and Nasty Lips left. I knew he would be back at another time when I was week. Jeff and I both felt him leave at the same time and momentarily we were safe. For protection we slept in the same room that night and through the many experiences like these we became even closer than brothers. Our lives continued like this for months. There were many great times, and there were some horrifying times just for balance it seamed. We adapted quickly and got used to seeing spirits everywhere we went, observing objects fall out of nowhere with no one near them and waging spiritual warfare on a tangible level. Others around us knew it, and they knew I could read their minds. Many feared us. Hopefully now you are getting a picture. I also began to play with telekinesis, bending the fabrics of time, creative visualization and work with deep energy spiritual healing.

Through Jeff I was introduced to a young woman whom had her own struggles with depression among many other things. She had a truly genuine and gentle spirit. I saw her as a blooming rose tormented by the rain. Her name was Carol and became another true friend. She wore shoes that were too heavy for me to bear. She had been through so much. Multiple medications, hospitals, even shock therapy. My heart broke out of empathy (not pity) for her. Carol also had a "snotty" cat named Shakti (Named after the new age leader Shakti Gwein). Her cat and I spoke often to each other in our silent language. To this day I am glad that the three of us were brought together. Carol was also a gifted individual. She excelled in many areas and I learned a fair amount from her (from trust to aromatherapies and shakras). It wasn't long before Jeff Carol and I became almost inseparable. We shared everything with each other (Except our bodies) and experienced a level of trust that could not be compared anywhere else outside of a marriage. With the three of us working as a team we performed regression therapies and uncovered more (of what I thought to be) "past lives" and spiritual bondages like never before. I can recall one night when we all slept in her king-size bed (clothes on) I woke them both up speaking what sounded to be fluent Japanese in a shouting voice. That particular night I was fighting a spiritual fight Bruce lee style. That night I also discovered that I was a world war one vet that died of bleeding on the battlefield. Another life I recalled was myself as a peasant girl dead broke in some town. The list can go on but before I do I must share that through my experience I have obtained an interesting stance on past lives. I am sure you will want to hear it.

Have you ever been attacked by the spirit world? Have you ever had graphic pictures play through your mind without your consent? Have you ever had a nightmare and woke up thinking it was too real? Have you dreamt something and thought it was too real to be true? If you answered yes to any of those questions then we have some common ground. I believe Just as the spirit world can torment you or give you nightmares and dreams that seem incredibly "too real". The spirit world (If you open yourself to it in the right way) could influence you by playing movies in your mind in first person. It seems "so real" that it must have been you in another life. I believed in past lives with all my heart at the time but now my eyes have been opened.

Where exactly the movies played in our minds originate is speculative. No one can know for sure. I do know it is from the invisible realm around us and not from within ourselves. Another example: Have you ever had a thought run through your mind starting with the word or words "I" or "I wonder" or "I should" and the thought was completely not of you or your normal personality but sounded like your thought and your voice? It is the same concept. It is the spirit world influencing you. I will be the first to admit that it can convincingly appear like a past life, or like your own thought. But you can be freed from it and find better. I have. It honestly takes a certain amount of faith to believe that the visions you see are actually a past lives and not something else. As a Christian that has experienced and been freed from that activity I can safely tell you that there is far more freedom and joy in knowing that there is a loving God waiting for me with open arms to usher me into heaven, than just another life around the bend to bring me new experiences and spiritual knowledge. An old soul is nothing but a person blessed with a given degree of wisdom. I used to consider myself one and people to this day call me by that terminology. But now I know better. Look at Solomon in the Old Testament. He was one of the "oldest souls" out there. His wisdom was greater than any other person that ever was. But in his wisdom he also spoke of one god above all else. Jehovah. I am sure you have more questions and I don't want to bore or overwhelm you. E-mail me at damianspaulding@hotmail.com. Oh and as I promised. When I flat lined back in high school things felt familiar because I was freed of my body and living through my eternal Spirit. Biblically speaking, we are born as eternal beings. Even while on earth we are living the start of our eternal life. Our spirit already has full knowledge of the spirit world and to a certain extent, the afterlife. Our spirit was created to commune and communicate directly with our creator. But before it can do so, we must decide to be reborn on a spiritual level (our spirit glasses must be washed before we can use it properly). You see because of the way we have chosen our world to work, we are automatically born spiritually blind and dammed to hell. All we have to do is choose to be reborn to be taken into heaven and have an intimate relationship with the true creator then and now. Until we are reborn and have that direct communication with the creator we will always be searching to fill that void and navigating blindly through the world. To keep it short, we have a choice. We often get in our own way of true enlightenment. Because the above truth for some is hard to grasp intellectually we chose to look elsewhere and continue to fall short of Gods full glory. Ask yourself honestly, if you have really found everything you wanted, why do you still search for that one experience that could be better, or bring you to a higher level? And yet why do you consistently reject the only one that can fill all of your needs and lift you to the highest level? The answer is in warfare. Satan does not want you to find true freedom, joy, and everlasting life. You don't need to understand to accept the truth. Do you need to fully intellectually understand the laws of gravity before you accept that you are bound by them? New age energy, sex, alcohol, drugs, meditative light, all counterfeits for the real macoy. Accept it or not it is truth. That is why you are probably angry with me and not wanting to read any more. Move on with your life and accept the truth; that is the hard part. The rest will come. Come spend eternity in ecstasy with me.

Back to our story. We are going to get to some really juicy stuff soon.

Unlike myself, Carol had three angels that she prayed to constantly. She believed them to be her guardian angels. They always seemed to protect her. She actually prayed to them more than god (or the universe at that time). About one year after we met, she finally saw her angels as what they truly were. Angels of darkness dressed as light. Their real faces were hideous, but because of their loving "light" masks, she trusted them with all her being most of the days of her life. It took a rather traumatic experience for her to learn that the only thing worth praying to is God. Give it long enough and you will eventually find the same. Jeff prayed more to god (The higher power) and I prayed to god (a bit of everything including a little Christianity, I was confused because the Christian God seemed so much smaller than the stuff we were doing). I don't think I need to say it but I will say it anyway. It was an exciting time full of new and great experiences. "The never ending battle between good and evil."

One of our most climactic moments occurred at Carol's friend's cottage. In all of my years, I had learned to communicate to animals telepathically (I spoke to Shakti a lot) however every wild animal I knew automatically feared me. I think it was the aggressive murderous spirit that they saw me battling inside. It scared them even though that bondage played a fairly passive role. I remember there was once I let it out for it to be seen and I destroyed a snow bank half made of ice in a matter of minutes. That was the day Jeff and Carol learned a fear for what I had inside. Since then God has healed me from everything and I am very thankful. That will come later.

Ok… The juicy part. The cottage story. Here we go. I am sure you will enjoy this. It starts with me in the basement of the house I was living in. My massage table was set up there and Carol was beginning to work on me. Sometimes we found that somato-emotional releases could become fairly extreme. Our bodies would go into seizure like convulsions, and type of sounds our voices made would raise curiosity to any onlooker. My landlords were in the house at that time and my body felt as though I was about to encounter something big. After expressing my discomfort to Carol about the situation, she spontaneously suggested that we go up to her/her friends cottage. Great idea that it was, we called Jeff, packed our stuff and within an hour we were on the road to our healing retreat. It was also a good idea because for spiritual reasons, some things you don't want to do in your home.

The drive up to the cottage was incredible. The weather was gorgeous, spring was just breaking and we all anticipated another incredible weekend. We were free!!! I remember it clearly. Harry Connick and Holly Cole were the musicians of choice. And I could see clearly now was our theme song for the weekend (Holly Cole). We reached the cottage and took a nature break for the remainder of the afternoon. We went for walks and just enjoyed our surroundings. We began our healing journey after we had finished dinner. I set up the massage table in the living room beside the wood furnace and Jeff was first. His "releases" followed the direction they had been going for the past few weeks. He came out feeling better than ever. Carol went second and battled her depression and came out victorious that night. She felt better than she had in a long time. Then it was my turn… I hesitated at first, but after some coaxing decided to go ahead. Jeff was positioned at my head and Carol at my side. We always lay on our backs. I began shaking and releasing and the process began. It was a truly beautiful moment. The love and trust that we shared openly with each other was so pure and beautiful. Again I felt great heat radiating from Jeff's hands. I openly accepted and embraced the "loving light". I felt multiple little releases leave my flesh in waves. It felt like I was being touched with healing water repeatedly. I was about to call it quits and relax when all of a sudden a traumatic sight and voice penetrated my mind. It horrified me. The words it spoke to me were simple yet profound "You are nothing". Instantaneously I felt like a little helpless pea about to be consumed. Graphic pictures of death uncontrollably ran through my mind and I immediately let out a cry of desperation that quickly got Jeff and Carol's attention. They asked me what was wrong while I cowered. I told them what I heard and they urged me to continue. A part of me didn't want to go through with it and another part really wanted to rid it from my body. I eventually chose to continue. The voices that spoke through my mind were deep and ominous. They reminded me of one of the lions in the eighty's Ghost Buster movies. I violently shook as I tried to shake the influence of this spirit from me and after much struggle I was victorious. The spirit was gone. The shaking immediately stopped and I felt crystal clear. Everything felt so clean and pure. All three of us looked at each other with joy in our eyes. We momentarily all embraced.

While we shared the joy in our embrace Carol's body all of a sudden flinched. Jeff and I immediately took her and sat her on the table. I knew what was happening and I did not want it to happen. Carol kept on shaking as she questioningly called my name. Before I had a chance to utter a reply, Carol's eyes rolled to the back of her head and her grunting voice changed pitch and tambre. When her eyes returned the Carol I knew was no longer there. My familiar spirit took her place and Carol was definitely possessed. I figured the spirit must have left me and found Carol to be a weaker vessel and took her. His eyes were dark and ominous. There was a cocky half smile that took her/his face and he seemed to look right through me. As Carol stared through me I could tell there was only one thing on her mind. How much damage a baseball bat or axe could do to the side of my skull if she swung it. Even the way she talked and the words that were chosen changed from the normal her.

I showed no fear. It was like the Carol I knew was swept away to the side and put in a prison cell in her own mind. The beautiful rose of a woman was replaced by this hideous, angry, ugly, cocky, arrogant, aggressive, spirit. A part of me just died inside to see what I have done to her. I knew what she was going through. I had t live with it for years and she did not deserve it. The spirit wanted to deeply hurt both me and Jeff but knew for some reason it couldn't. I began to speak with it to stall for time until I could devise a plan to get rid of it. Jeff was looking expectantly at me and I had yet to figure what to do. The look and mannerisms of Carol had become so different I was almost tempted to remove her shirt to see if any new scars or tattoos were on her body. That however was inappropriate. The spirit and I exchanged wits for only a minute or two until I understood what to do. I believe Jeff remained calm through the whole incident. He always impressed me. In a short time I grew to recognize this spirit as the type who probably was part of a surfer gang who raped and killed many in his time, or a skate boarder from long ago who probably died from doing something stupid while causing an incredible adrenaline rush. At any rate I was dealing with a murderer and there were stake knives within 10 feet of us in the kitchen drawers. It knew it. I knew it. Jeff knew it. In an instant when I noticed it was preoccupied fighting Carol from within I threw out my arm and shot it with energy. I then proceeded to move toward Carol's head and I instructed Jeff toward her feet. Together we worked to set her free.

Let me digress for a moment. I remember a few months before I had an experience with this spirit in the form of double mindedness. I was watching a special on the 10 most vicious criminals in America and one stuck in my mind. This criminal was a 30-year-old man that kidnapped small children. Mainly boys aged 10 to 13. He raped them, abused them, then killed them and stored the bodies in his basement. He committed this act so many times that his basement got too full and he had to start burying the bodies in the back yard. The day the police entered his house to discuss a fairly trivial matter, a strong smell of decay on top of the air freshener gave him away. They found too many bodies to count rotting everywhere.

This story repulsed me. I made me want to vomit inside. Immediately I wanted to turn off the TV. Then in an instant I heard said in first person "hhhmmm I wonder what it would be like to do that. That man showed courage, I respect him" I immediately hated myself for even thinking such thoughts. Then I realized that even though the thoughts were first person, it was not originating from me. I knew that all this spirit had to do was tell Carol to walk off of a cliff, and because of Carol's suicidal tendencies, she would without hesitation. I genuinely feared for Carol's life.

Jeff and I began to plow Carol's body full of energy. I channeled and channeled light and energy into her like I had never before. She was at this point lying on her back and shaking like a leaf. All three of us fought with all of our might. It screamed as it lost ground. Jeff was praying the entire time. I felt as though so much energy was traveling through me I could power a small plant. The fight ensued for what seemed to be a very long time. In real time probably about ten or twenty minutes. One moment

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