I was born in a suburb of Sydney, Australia, on March 9, 1951, the youngest of three children. Mum was a school teacher, dad a welder. Both came from Christian families.
My great grandfather and grand father on mum's side of the family, were both evengelists with the old Methodist church in Australia.Grandfather used to spend 6 months of the year riding his push bike from his home in the Gosford area north of Sydney, down into Sydney and back, preaching in different churches. This was in the days before freeways, highways and bitumen roads. Most of the traffic was horse and cart and a few cars and trucks. I have a brother and a sister, both school teachers. When I was about 4 or 5, a next door neighbor, who was a soldier in the Australian Army, became my best friend. After many months of associating with him and enjoying his brotherly love and friendship, he began to rape me almost every day. This went on for about 5 years, and at times I was gang raped by this man and his army friends, sometimes up to 6 or 7 of them. I remember the threats he made against me with either a knife or a gun held at my throat or head, not to tell anyone. I also clearly remember the pain from several times when his rape of me included a full penetration.
I was terrified to say anything to my parents, whom I loved very much. One day I wanted to tell my brother to get his help to stop the rapes, but was told by him that I was a nuicance to him and to leave him alone, I was not good enough for him to talk to. Over 35 years later I realised the mental and emotional trauma this caused me.
I became a rebel, hating the world, my family and all people. I stole money, got into trouble with the police for petty offences. When I went to high school, I formed a gang of which I was supreme leader, using emotional blackmail and violence to keep control. It was at age 13 I was introduced to alcohol. This was the start of a life of torment.
I was a drunk by age 16, and left school to find work. In every job, I showed promise of great things, but blew it by either stealing or turning up drunk all the time. I became a loner, then retreated into myself. Alcohol was my only friend. By age 18 I had left home and roamed the suburbs of Sydney, travelled around the state, and finally interstate, all in an attempt to escape a suffering of which I had no interpretation. I became involved in the occult, dabbled in satanism, Eastern mysticism. I was a loner, terrified. Between ages 19 and 24 I had attempted suicide at least 6 times, and spent much time in mental institutions.
At age 25 I married a woman who showed me great love. I thought this would change my life. It did for about 4 years. We married and had two children, both boys. I continued to drink heavily, bashing my wife constantly. On one occasion, I arrived home after a 20 hour day of driving trucks and my wife went off to work. There was no alcohol in the house. Our first son was then about 18 months old. The inner pain I suffered for a drink was beyond description. Our son was crying for food. I was crying for a drink. After some time of listening to him cry, I began to scream at him to shut up. This made his cries louder. I snapped, and began bashing him. I threw him into the bathtub, against a brick wall in the apartment in which we lived, even tried to suffocate him under a pillow. I can only think that even at this point in my life God was caring for both of us. For some reason I stopped my rage before my son died, and fed him, then went to sleep myself.
After moving to a country town and about 8 years of marriage, my wife was forced to leave me because of my violence. We divorced a year later. The next few years are very misty in my memory. I know I went back to serious drinking, travelling around Australia, finally ending up in Sydney again in 1986. I lived in the gutters for a short time, and finally tried to kill myself once more. God, again was in control, because I ended up in a drug and alcohol rehabilitation unit run by the Salvation Army in September 1986. Many things happened there. The most important was that I accepted Jesus as Lord and Saviour. However, I tried to live a Christian life according to my selfish desires and motives. It was in 1991 when I finally gave in and recommitted my life, and became a uniformed Soldier in The Salvation Army.
During this time, I was reunited with my ex-wife and children, and we became close friends, and still are to this day. I sensed a call upon my life to serve God full-time, but was thwarted in this, in that the Salvation Army criteria saw me being too old to enter training college. After about two years, I was guided by the Holy Spirit into Church of Christ.
By this time, I had been dating for some months, and the woman involved
gave her life to Jesus whilst I was in the Salvation Army. We went to a
Church of Christ service in a northern suburb of Sydney, and at our first
visit, were introduced to a man who was then a trainee pastor. As he walked
away from us, he turned and came back and said "God has told me you must
apply to go to College to train for ministry!" This rekindled the challenges
of Genesis 12:1-9 which had haunted me for nearly 2 years. I gave in and
applied. During t
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