My Lord the refiner

I looked back over my life recently and thought if I was ever to write a
book about my journey I would call it "My Lord the refiner, My Jesus the restorer."

I have come to learn that even when you go through trials as a result of
living your life not within the will of God, he has the amazing ability to turn
these trials into a process of refining, preparing you for the perfect plan he has
for you.

I married my first boyfriend at the tender age of 19, I was five months pregnant. I was humiliated I was a minister's daughter, I had disgraced my family.

I endured an emotionally and physically abusive marriage for 4 years. My ex
husband, Ross, was very controlling. I was told what to wear, how to sit How to clean how to cook What I was allowed to talk about with my family, who I could talk to
What I could read, What I could watch

He refused to get a job ? He wanted to be an inventor and spent most of his
time drawing and building things. We had little money, We lived off my casual waitress job.

I had two mis-carriages. Ross was convinced that I was responsible for
killing his babies, That I had lost them to punish him. The real Kate was disappearing. I read countless marriage books, attended a myriad of courses and counseling, I prayed and cried out to God.

I wanted to end the Marriage but Ross would not allow me to take My son Josef ? so I stayed. Trapped, I become suicidal, and realized that I would be dead within twelve months if I stayed, and that Josef may be better off with a mother who was
at least alive.

I left with a suitcase, I left behind, my baby, my dignity, my dream of a
family. My hope was lost. When you are down, Satan loves to push you further and after 12 months of continual frustration in trying to see Josef, they both disappeared. Ross had decided to back-pack around Europe with a 3 year old. 2 years of waiting by the phone for them to call. No way of contacting them. I was so angry that Ross could still control my life in this way. I was angry at God. I was carrying the Guilt of not being strong enough to take Josef with me when I had the chance.

Josef and Ross finally returned home, but with the threat that if I ever
tried to gain full custody of Josef, I would never see him again

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