by Judy Rousseau
On my husband's 40th birthday, he turned to me and said, "Judy, I need to tell you something, I just don't love you anymore."
I could hardly believe what I was hearing. At that time, we'd been married about 22 years. Things weren't great but I didn't think they were that bad. In the months that followed, our relationship deteriorated to the point that our home was filled with tension and strife. Our four children were getting pretty stressed too. There was a lot of fighting, yelling and slamming doors. It reached the point that I finally asked my husband to move out.
Paul moved in with a friend of his. We were both hurting. I thought I was right and he thought he was right. At the time, it seemed more important to be justified in our anger than it did to try and work things out. Surely I didn't deserve to be treated so poorly after all I've done for him. (I hope you can detect the self-righteous attitude, because believe me ... I certainly had one.)
There wasn't much communication going on. We both worked full time and were now living about 40 minutes away from each other. Neither of us had anything good to say so we simply said nothing. My husband wasn't getting any positive attention from me and became vulnerable to the affections of a very attractive divorced woman that he worked with. When I learned about the affair, I decided that the only thing for me to do was to get a lawyer to draw up divorce papers. I gave my lawyer all the necessary information and couldn't wait until she would just "get this thing over with." For some reason, I thought a divorce was the answer or at least what was expected of me under the circumstances. The weeks went on and the lawyer seemed to be dragging her feet. Eventually she told me, "Judy, I have to be honest with you. I walk with God; and, because I do ... I can not proceed with your case. I will not be party to burying something that isn't dead. I believe if you will be patient, your marriage can be saved."
Never have I felt such despair. What would I do now? I had no lawyer and I certainly didn't want to go through providing all that information to someone else. I have to admit, the time that I was pursuing a divorce were some of the blackest, most hopeless days I've ever lived. I had no peace.
I sought help from a beloved Christian friend who had known me for some time. She asked me, "Judy, if God were standing right in front of you and asked you what you would like Him to do for you ... what would you tell him?" The words came easily as my eyes filled with tears. I said, "I would ask Him to bring my husband back to Himself and back to our family. I would ask Him to use our family as an example of His ability to heal and restore." My friend, Jeanne said, "Well then, we know how to pray ... don't we?"
All of a sudden, everything seemed so simple. Within a few days God spoke to me and said, "Yes, Judy. You do have grounds for divorce and I will permit it if that is what you want. However, if you are willing to walk with me through this time, I will bring you great victory. But ... it will be very difficult."
At that moment, I chose to allow the Lord to bring me the great victory He promised. At first I expected that my husband would be home any day. I thought God was going to hit him with a "lightning bolt" and correct everything that was wrong in his life. Boy, was I wrong. God began to change me. He taught me so much as I waited on him. God allowed me to see that the love that I had for my husband was not really love at all. He showed me that. He loved me in spite of my imperfections, unconditionally. Could I offer my husband any less? God's truth and mercy exposed my selfishness and I sought His forgiveness. I contacted my husband to tell him the "great news" that I wanted to get back together with him. He was not impressed and told me that nothing had changed. He still did not love me and right now he was caught up in an exciting new romance.
As I waited on the Lord to bring me the great victory He promised, I began to be able to identify with His suffering and the rejection He had felt. Yet, He chose to love anyway. He did not throw stones at the adulterous woman, He offered her mercy and forgiveness and as His follower, I needed to treat my husband the same way.
People thought I was crazy. Why in the world would I hold on to someone who was treating me so? Certainly, God does not expect me to suffer in this way. Even Christians, counseled me to get a divorce ... God had someone better for me. Over and over again, God gave me the grace to put more faith in His word than the words of other people. Three of my four children didn't understand why I was holding on to their father and praying for him. My son, Mark, who loves the Lord and walks with Him was given a vision that someday his dad would be back. He was a constant source of encouragement to me. My other children focused on the pain that we were all going through. It was stressful being a single parent, having to be both Mom and Dad work full time and take care of the house, etc.
As I was burdened down with single parenthood, my husband was living the life of a free man. No cares, no commitment. He would spend most of his time with his girlfriend and her three children and whenever he wanted to take off for a ride on his motorcycle, he was gone. Paul had become very bitter about the things of God and said to me. "I bet you think that GOD is going to do some great big miracle in my life ... don't you?" I did not answer, but in my heart I said ... YES!!!
I prayed for my husband a lot ... probably at least two hours throughout the course of each day. I searched the scriptures and underlined hundreds of promises God wrote to encourage and guide me. He also raised up several faithful prayer partners to encourage me and keep me accountable to the decision I had made. I could probably write an entire book about these wonderful individuals but I don?t want to distract you from the story of my marital miracle-in-process.
The Wal-Mart Story
However, there is one prayer partnership that I really need to tell you about because it is such an awesome story. One day, my
two youngest boys and I were headed to Wal-Mart. For some strange reason that I didn't know at the time, I chose to go through
the center of Milford, New Hampshire rather than take the bypass. There in the center of the Milford oval was a traffic rotary which
was completely bottlenecked ? no one was moving. I casually looked to my left and saw a motorcycle headed in the opposite
direction only a couple of feet away from my car. I was stunned; it was my husband with his girlfriend?s arms tightly wrapped
about him. Out of impulse, I tooted the horn and waved. He dropped his sunglasses and sheepishly waved to me and within
seconds the traffic moved him along the highway and he was gone. I took a deep breath and told my boys that they needed to
help me pray. (I?m sure they rolled their eyes thinking that their Mom was crazy.) I be
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