I am nothing without God...

Hello All,

I am writing my testimonial to demonstrate my journey back to God.

I, and many others, grew up in a dysfunctional home: my mother left and my father’s priorities were not in place, meaning that he left me alone, with no protection. Being that I had no protection growing up, it left a window of opportunity for abuse from certain family members. A number of my family members were jealous of my father and tried to hurt me to get to him. They lied to me and turned me away from family members that truly cared about me. My destruction was their way of getting to him. Then I had my uncle who was a tyrant. It was a constant torture session. I tired to run away from home at the age of five. The abuse got so bad that at the age of 9 I tried to hang myself. Even at such a young age, when I look back I know now that God was with me. He gave me the strength to surpass my suicide tendencies and to live.

My family members knew that my uncle was cruel towards me, but did little about it, until it got to the point where it could not be ignored. They threw my uncle out of the house and life went on.

Despite the horrors that went on, at a young age of 13 I developed a deep love for the Lord, and tried to learn as much as I can about Jesus and his wonders.

My desire for the Lord came to a halt at 14 due to the lost of my 2 year old brother Anthony. His death was horrific, he opened the car door going 60 miles per hour. That was the most devastating event in my life.

From that point on, slowly, I was losing interest in God. I was not angry with God, or resented God for taking my brother. I know that these circumstances gave an opportunity for the devil to do its work. I withdrew myself and lived a life filled with anxiety, depression, fears, and I never realized it. No one could have pointed it out because I was a closet case. I developed a horrible habit of lying: I used to use it as a defense to protect myself, but it became a part of me. What is scary was that I thought I was fine, normal, a survivor, and a champ.

At the age of 15 I got into the Goth scene, and had a love for the darker side of life. I was so naïve and a perfect candidate to fall into drugs, the occult and sex. I was gun hoe about worshipping the devil and practicing witchcraft. I’ve purchased books on that subject, renounce and mocked the Lord. That was about as far as it went, well renouncing the Lord is far enough, but I did not practice what I’ve mentioned above, or truly believed it in my heart. The voice of reason kicked in, telling me that this was a dangerous path to take. Once again, I know now, with all my heart, it was God leading away from Satanism and witchcraft. Instead I declared myself an atheist.

The same goes for sex and drugs. I was surround by that atmosphere and being young, naive, I did not do it. Once again, it was God who gave me the strength and vision to see that was not the right path.

Growing up, I was desperately seeking love, a family but all in the wrong places. I got in touched with my mother. She fed me lies and I ran away from home to live with her in the middle of my senior year. I thought it was going to be paradise. It was hell, she turned on me and I fell into depression even more. Well, I thought I had no one and I jugged down a king size bottle of aspirin.

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