In Aug. of 1999, my husband, Randy, and I decided to get the Internet. We got it for the kids to do their homework. My mother-in-law had just bought the computer for the kids. From Aug. to the night of Oct. 15, 1999, I was learning to chat, surf the web, ect, but it started to get boring to me. I went back to watching TV. When I was on the Internet, I was careful of not going into chat rooms and causing any problems. I was getting to the place, I rather be off the line, than be on line. Then one night, my (Non-Christian) friend, Sheri called, me and asked me if I would like to meet her on line friend, Frank. I hesitated, but ended up saying, “Yes.” I went on the computer to say hello to him and we chatted. He was very nice he always gave me a reply on everything I said on the buddy chat. Something I always wish people would do for me including my husband, Randy.
At first, it was supposed to be innocent, just sending pictures, friendly cards. There were times; I tried to witness to him. He even asked for my phone number and called me. I believe it that was October 1999. I found out he was Italian. Randy was home, when he called. It was supposed to be a friendly call. The more we chatted on line and the more he called me, the closer we got. Weeks, turned into months, and the more chatting it become. I guess I did something to make him think I was in love with him, because when he called up the second time he asked me if I loved him. Not thinking much of it at the time… I said, “ yes” but I would have to explain my whole past to explain my way of thinking. So, We kept saying I love you a lot on the buddy chat until it was felt in the heart. I also put the computer in my room away from everybody.
I have gotten a job because he asked me to and I started to lose weight for him because I knew we would meet one day. My job was at a dog kennel, which I liked, but there were lots of days I could not function. Days, I would be walking a dog while praying, telling God, I love him and this man too while tears rolled down my face. Days, I would be cleaning out the cat cages and couldn’t wait to get home to chat with Frank. Days, I would be cleaning the outdoor dog cages and my mind would be stirring like crazy. And there was times, I’d grab a cage pole and wish someone would rescue my stirring mind.
We finally made plans to meet in May, but I cancel at the last moment. I felt strangely disturbed. He got upset with me and I did not want to lose the friendship. We made plans again on the phone and I went to see him in June 2000. It was in Albany NY. Once more, I fell in love with him and committed adultery. I was uncomfortable at first and wanted my husband. But as time went by, I went deeper into sin. He even showed me the sites in Albany, NY and took me on a small cruise. I was there for four days. In July, I met him again, committed adultery and stayed four days. I chatted with him until, Oct. 15th, 2001. I have been feeling something inside of me. I couldn’t take the disturbance any longer. The feeling that something is wrong. I had been having it for a while. I told Frank goodbye and started to seek God once more.
Before I met Frank, I have been in Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) for four years. Now why would a Christian fall into the hands of Satan? How could a person turn away from God? How can a Godly person do an ungodly thing? They were so many unanswered questions but after a years time I am getting some answers. Let me tell you how I crawled out of Satan’s pit…..
I still had my job and I still wasn’t functioning. My sister told me to praise God that I still had a job and go forward, but in my head, I did not see that. I tried praising God. I carry a Walkman to work and to listen to Christian music and Christian stations, but Satan was in my head also conflicting everything I did. I just could not function. All I saw was…
“”How could I do this to my husband and two children?”" “”I am a Christian, Christians don’t do this!”" “”How dare I?”" Things like these came into my mind and many times suicide did too. I was mad and sometimes I wanted to get even. Frank had bought me two nice wine glasses that had some the color red in them. I got up early one morning, went to the cabinet, got them out, went outside into the pasture, and broke them against a tree.
Everyday, except Sunday I went to the kennel to work. Everyday, I could not see past my nose. Thoughts of suicide were consuming me more and more. I made a doctor appointment with a doctor I did not know in a city near us. Then I woke up one Friday morning, I called in sick. I went to my mother’s house, snuck in and took her sleeping pills. I went to the doctor I made an appointment with and got more sleeping pills. Plus I had some already at home prescribed by another doctor. Then I went home, wrote {goodbye, love} notes to my husband, kids, sister and parents. Took three bottles of sleeping pills around noon, I think. I laid down in my bed and went to sleep. They had the rescue people coming to get me around 6 PM. One of my lungs had collapsed. I spent 4 days in a hospital and 8 days in mental hospital. I remember nothing at the hospital, but at the mental hospital is where I started the healing process. There at the hospital, I had the biggest headache ever! A migraine that lasted four days!
My parents came most of the time to see me in the mental hospital, but my sister came a few times, brother-in-law once. My sister told me what happened while I was at the other hospital. But I think I can explain it better by her journal….
“”Well, Fri., 2/9/2001 - We were at Church (7:00) for the TLW. Wanda and family had not shown up. So I called Mom’s at 7:15 PM to see if they were there at their house. Dad answered the phone and said Scarlett was on the other line saying Wanda had been rushed to the hospital cause they couldn’t wake her up. Paul and I rushed to the hospital with mom and dad close behind us and we left our kids at church. Well, about midnight or so, we were told she overdosed. We were shocked! I screamed, NO! I went crazy, screaming and crying to God, Why?!!! No, God, No. Laura, Paul, held to me and cried to comfort me. I was on my face. Paul and I went to her house (2:00 am) to see if we could find evidence of drug overdose. We found, empty bottles, drug receipts, doctor receipts. All made during that week. Also a beer can she used to take the pills. Then I found a balled up letter in the trash to me. “”Oh God!”" I felt and screamed! Paul cried with me. I don’t remember much after that. I went to her bathroom and got sick. Paul and I got back to the hospital (about 4:00am.) I read the letter to mom, dad and Randy. And we all sobbed profusely. 4:30 am, we went with Wanda to ICU. She was in critical condition and not expected to live past the first 24 hours. They said her heart world probably go crazy or stop. She would probably be a vegetable from lack of oxygen, (her lung collapsed from vomiting while she was asleep and then inhaled it into her lungs). Her organs might shut down, ect. Once she made it through the first 24 hours, they said she might die the next 24 hours. Me, mom, dad, Paul and Randy slept on the N.I.C.U. (concrete) floor every night, waiting and praying, crying, praying - Oh, dear God, What’s going on? We’re all exhausted. After 48 hours the odds looked better. We claimed healing for Wanda. On Sunday, 2/11/2001 at 7:30 am,
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