From Atheism to Faith - Justin Combs

The Broken House of the Foolish: A True Story of a Man Who Found God - By Justin Combs

Introduction

By looking at our surroundings, what do we see? Do we see only what we want to see, or are we able to broaden our perspective and get a greater idea of what is beyond the range of our eyes? Do our pleasures in this life come from what we can touch with our hands, or does it come from the knowledge that we have of what may seem to be beyond this plane of existence? For that matter, what is pleasure? Many would define pleasure in terms of wealth, possessions, power, and even physical gratification. Others take pleasure in what is simple: reading, learning, giving, and the courtesy and humbleness of good company. These are but many difficult questions that most cannot answer, simply because they lack good reference. Many are even afraid to ask such questions because they are afraid of the answer, yet at the same time they often feel as though something greater exists beyond this world. While they may be hard for man to answer by himself, they are easy for those who truly seek both truth and purpose in this life.

I myself had difficulty in finding my purpose, and therefore, the truth of existence, as my eyes were my only guide for worldly comprehension. I used to think that being happy involved doing my own work for my own glory. I also believed that we must truly satisfy ourselves with our own desires and needs before we are able to please other people. In other words, I saw a self-centered life as a good life as well as a "free" life. I also saw pride as a necessary tool for survival. I have learned, however, that men of pride live in ways that may seem right to them, but lead to great danger in the end (Proverbs 16:25).

The First Steps in My Journey

During my adolescent years, I used to think that my eyes were my best friends, for I used them extensively to view what is good and what is bad, concerning myself and others. As somewhat of an outsider, I saw many of my fellow classmates as better than I was. They seemed to have everything that was highly valued by teenagers of the modern era: good looks, many friends, fancy cars, fancy clothes, and recognition as being superior. They had everything that I did not. Since I was also overweight and very shy, my ostracism only improved. One thing that they certainly had that I did not was a social life that seemed to endure without end. I longed to have a lifestyle that was equivalent with the popular crowd. Being that I spent most of my weekends at home, doing homework, watching television or reading, I felt as though something was truly missing from my life. My lack of social gratification was making me feel empty, or so I thought at the time. It wasn’t until after I graduated high school and started college that my social life would turn for what I thought was better.

During my first semester in college in the fall of 2003, I started to make many new friends by learning from my previous mistakes. Aside from the new friends, I also learned to develop the appropriate social skills that would make me into the person that I desired to be at the time. I also learned to dress in a conventional manner and I lost some weight, which helped to increase my self-confidence. It wasn’t until shortly after I started my college career that I tasted beer for the first time, and I would grow to love it. I went to many social gatherings and made up for lost times, entertaining myself and acting in ways that I would have never acted before that time (the alcohol had a lot to do with this). I was really changing for the better, or so I thought, and I had more fun in the first few months of college than I did throughout all of high school.

I learned a great deal about human behavior during this personal transition, which was why I declared psychology as my area of study early in my college career. Since I knew how it felt to be on the outside looking in, I was able to walk around in the shoes of many others, and I had much insight on the interpretation of one’s cognitive processes. For the first time in my life, I thought that I had all the answers I needed in order to find happiness. For the next three years I frequently went to many parties, and I had actually started to talk to girls on a regular basis as well. There was hardly a time when I would not have something to do on the weekends. Needless to say, my territory was expanding quite nicely. This would be my idea of truth and pleasure during the biggest part of my career as an undergrad. However, near the end of that three-year period I would come to realize the folly of my new lifestyle.

While I was still a freshman at Northern Kentucky University, I met a nice looking girl named Erin whom I frequently saw at the parties I attended. We became very close after a year of getting to know each other, and I would grow to truly care about her. While I never officially asked her out, she would become the closest thing to a girlfriend that I ever had. Even though I had these feelings for her (she had the same feelings for me as well), I did not show her the love that I should have. Instead, I showed her great disrespect on more than one occasion, and we had many arguments as a result. Out of respect for her and myself, I will remain confidential when talking about our disagreements. I will say, however, that I would make her feel rejected and hurt. I am also ashamed to say that I would make her feel bad in order to make myself feel better. After receiving too much of my disrespect, however, she would come to realize that she had enough of me.

As her and I were talking on the phone during a rainy evening in December of 2005, she told me that she had feelings for me. I could not fully understand why she was falling for me, as I had done nothing to truly sweep her of her feet, so I rebuked her for this. Using psychology to my advantage, I tried to convince her that she did not know what she wanted and that she was just opening up to me because she felt that she had no other options (which was a total lie on my part, for she was a very attractive young lady who could have had any man she wanted). We then exchanged a few harsh words. After making her feel low as I had done, she gave up. Erin then cursed me and told me never to call her again. Because I was so convinced that I was right, I cut myself off from her, for I thought that she was being immature when she was really justified in her anger. We would not speak again for a long time.

Speaking as one who has looked into the field of psychoanalysis, I can safely say that, at first, I thought that I was getting what I had always wanted by dumping Erin. During my years in high school, my heart was broken many times. I was also greatly insulted by many pretty girls who felt as though they were better than me. There were even times when I had hoped to date some of those girls so that I could break their hearts and get even. My wish went along with the theory of social identity, or the theory that people favor their attributes over those of others in order to enhance self-esteem. According to this theory, many people who feel a threat to their self-confidence will often find a way to counter those who are threatening them by attacking their inner-self as well. When this is handled immaturely, it can lead to psychological warfare in which no one wins. I did everything I could to maintain my own self-image, but after the war between Erin and me, it would start to break again, just as it did in high school.

I felt as though this was a dream come true with Erin’s heartbreak, for she fit the criteria for the type of girl who would have insulted me had she knew me in high school. She was the type of girl that I never thought I would have a chance with before my college years. She was gorgeous, popular, and very friendly most of the time. However, she grew up feeling like she was at the top of the social pyramid, just like the girls who had hurt me in my earlier years. I will admit that there have been times in the past where I had hoped to bring my popular peers down from their high horse. After years of being at the bottom, I finally had my chance to live out my dream by hurting Erin as I did. I thought that I would truly feel great by tearing down her self-image to strengthen my own, and for a very short while after this happened I did. Not long after I had broken it off, however, I began to realize that I would rather have my own heart broken than to break the heart of someone else. Of course, due to my enlarged ego, I did not call her back to apologize as I should have done, and I reaped the consequences as a result.

After a short while, I started to think about what I was becoming. I was once a shy and timid adolescent who became an arrogant jerk who broke the heart of a young lady who deserved much better than what I had given her. I was now the popular guy who was attempting to break the confidence of those who I saw as beneath me. I was becoming the very thing that I had once despised, and I would look at myself in the mirror and feel both pride and frustration for who I was.

I still continued to go to parties, but I soon started to lose the enjoyment that I once had when drinking excessively. I was filled with guilt toward the way Erin and I had separated, for it was purely my fault. Mixed in with my stubborn pride and my need to fill the void that was sadly familiar, I was beginning to gain true sorrow in my heart because of my extreme internal conflict between these two variables of my character. Even though these empty feelings were returning, I was still convinced that I had to continue to live in self-indulgence and self-centeredness to be truly happy. This was still my idea of truth. This "truth," as I had once considered it to be, was coming to an end and would leave me feeling lost for the months to come.

Christ Knocks on My Door

During the summer of 2006, I attended a very big party on the fourth of July that a good friend of mine arranged. The party took place in a large field behind his house. We had a large fire and a keg full of beer that quickly started to dwindle. This night, however, was different from a typical night at a party for me. By midnight, I was setting aside from everyone else by the fire, observing the immature behavior of my fellow college students who were at the party. While I was watching, I started to wonder if that was how I looked and acted when intoxicated. I looked down and stared at my cup of beer that was half empty, feeling great doubt about the person I had become. I finished the rest slowly, contemplating my reason for being there.

After I had finished my beer, I decided to go to my car so that I could have some quiet time. I would remain in my car for the rest of the night, thinking very hard about my life until I fell asleep. I realized that night that there was still a void in my heart and that socializing at parties regularly was not working the way that I had hoped it would. I felt as though I had become a fool, realizing that committing your life to self-gratification was indeed a sad way to live. I truly felt that night that no matter what I committed my life to, whether it was entertaining myself, pursuing another serious relationship, or even pursuing a career as a clinical psychologist, it would all come to a sad end, leaving me alone and frustrated internally for the rest of my life. Over the course of the following weeks, however, my life would change forever.

After that night, I started to deviate from what I once considered the "good life." I continued to feel as though something was missing in my heart. The fact that having a social life did not fill the void made me even more depressed, as I was still convinced that a good social life is the key to happiness. There were times when I would look into the mirror and speak to myself in hopes of feeling better about my life. I would say to myself, "Justin, snap out of this. You have changed from a nerd to a cool guy all on your own, so get yourself back into shape and get back on your feet." As you can see, I was an absolute mess, for deep down I knew that this lifestyle was wrong for me, but I also felt as though nothing else would work. For the next few weeks, I would still embrace this lifestyle, although I was not as enthusiastic about it as I had once been.

When I was talking to myself in the mirror, I was breaking God’s first commandment by worshiping a god other than Him (Exodus 20:3). The "self-help" talks served as my way of praying. I was looking to my own "wisdom" and convincing myself that I should continue to live in hedonism as I had done for the past three years. However, despite these attempts to convince myself that selfish partying is okay, deep down I felt as though I something wasn’t right about this. Something inside of me was poking at my conscience. I eventually learned that God was trying to get my attention. Sometimes God will come into your life and answer your questions when you least expect it, even when you are praying to the wrong deity. In this case, the wrong deity was myself. As I was looking to myself in the mirror for guidance, God came in and flicked me in the head, saying, "EXCUSE ME, I’LL TAKE THIS CALL." He would open my eyes by leading me to a television program that would serve as the good seed for the plant that would eventually grow into something amazing.

It was on a Wednesday night, several weeks after the fourth of July party. I was searching through various channels with the hope of finding something worth watching. While I was surfing the networks, I came across a documentary on the History Channel that was discussing Biblical prophecies. The topic that night was the great tribulation and the rise of the Antichrist, which is said to take place before the second coming of Christ. The show was just starting when I made it to that station, and it held my attention from the very beginning. This was Christ’s way of knocking on my door, as He does with all men and women (Revelation 3:20). When it was over, there was a certain spark in my heart that I could not quite explain at the time. All I knew was that it felt so right.

Before this time, I had never really thought about religion. Being a psychology-oriented college student, I used to think that religion was a type of "drug" for men and women that helped them to justify our existence in a simplistic way. I also saw it as an irrational way to cope with the hardships of life. To sum it all up, I believed that religion was both wrong and illogical. However, my ideas of religious faith were based on lack of knowledge, invalid assumptions, biased ideas, and great misunderstandings. For example, I accepted the atheistic idea that the Bible was contradictory, even though I myself had never read it. When I first read the Bible, I was surprised to find that it warns us of those who handle the Word of God deceitfully in hopes of distorting its message (II Corinthians 4:2), so my preconceived notion of a contradictory Bible was thrown out the door. Like many psychologists, I was prideful for being a scientist, and I never considered anything to be real unless empirical research was conducted to show me that it was true. I used to think that the Bible could not go hand in hand with science, for I assumed that it was nothing more than superstition. I learned quickly that I was wrong.

Within a week, I was praying on a regular basis and reading my Bible (my grandmother, who is a religious person, gave me this as a gift many years before, but it collected dust up until this time). The more internally involved I became with God, the more I truly wanted to learn. After a while, I got to the point where I was praying five or six times a day and reading my Bible every chance I got. I also started going to the local Baptist church on a regular basis as well. I was also amazed at what my pastor, Brother Terry Wilder, said at his sermons. It was as if he knew exactly what I needed to hear. Everything that was happening to me went beyond reasoning, and what I once considered superstition was now a reality. If this happened to someone else, I would have considered these events to be nothing more than a coincidence. However, since they were happening to me, I realized that I was being very close-minded when I made my criticisms, for I did not understand what they were going through. I had to experience the touch of God for myself to truly understand what being a Christian was really all about. Now that God was working in my heart, He told me something that I never expected to hear.

My New Calling

After considering God and allowing His influence to come into me, I began to feel as though something was wrong about my career choice and that I was not doing what He wanted me to do. I had a nagging feeling that psychology was not my true calling in this life and that I was truly meant for something else. It was as if someone was pulling on my shirt sleeve and telling me to walk down a different road. I realize now that the hand that was tugging at my shirt was God’s presence and the shirt sleeve was my heart. I began to realize that if I do not submit now, I would be tormented for the rest of my life. I would be like the prophet Jonah, who ran away from God’s calling to go to Nineveh to preach His word (Jonah 1:2-3). Because I was tired of trying to find answers on my own, I gave up my own will to do His. I was to become a minister, and to dedicate my life to helping others find the inner-peace that comes from Jesus Christ.

God called me to become a spiritual doctor and to help those who need to know Jesus Christ and embrace Him as the Lord and Savior of all humanity. However, He did tell me to finish my B.S. in psychology and that I am to apply what I learn as an undergrad to what He needs me to do. He has called me to go to graduate school to be a pastoral therapist, or one who Christ uses to heal those whose hearts are troubled and whose spirit is broken. For the first time in my life, I had finally been made whole when Jesus decided to let a stubborn fool like me into His

Church. I came to realize that Jesus is the greatest counselor that any of us could ask for. When I first saw that documentary on the History Channel, my life improved in a very short period of time.

By this time, as you already know, I had subconscious insecurities about myself that were really bothering me. Had I gone to a clinician for help, it would have taken months or even years to cure me. With Jesus, however, I made a very dramatic turnaround in just a matter of days. Within a week, I was transformed from a humanistic wretch, who lived only for his own gain, to a humble, God-fearing man who was out to serve Him and others in any way that I could. Most psychologists will argue that dramatic personal change takes time. Granted, it does take a long time if you use man-made methods of treatment. This was something that I believed to be the absolute truth, for the psychological literature that I had read supported this theory. For a man to make the dramatic changes that I had made, it should have taken a long time. God convinced me that He is real by proving to me that time is not an issue with Him, for the pains that I had suffered had been nailed to the cross. This just goes to show that Christ can make all things new if you embrace Him (Revelation 21:5).

With God Almighty by your side, anything is possible. As soon as I prayed for Jesus to wash away my sins, everything had been made right, and I had been crucified with Him so that I could obtain eternal life. After I had died on that cross, our Lord and I had become one, and His presence now rests in my heart, reassuring me that I He is with me no matter where I am. What a joy it is to be made right with God, for He took it upon Himself to lay the iniquities of man upon the eternal Son so that we can be made clean (Isaiah 53:6). This is what it means to be reborn and baptized with the power of the Holy Spirit, and it can happen right now if you are willing ask for forgiveness.

Because of this sudden calling, I decided that I should schedule an appointment with Brother Terry to discuss my transformation from a foolish know-it-all to one who has gained true knowledge with the teachings of Christ. The meeting was the first time him and I had spoken formerly. However, after telling him my transitional story, which dates back to my early teen years, he was speechless. I could certainly understand his surprise, for it is not everyday that a young college boy who parties every weekend comes to his office to tell him that God has called him to minister to the people. At that very moment, I made a lifelong friend who would embrace me as a true family member. The meeting was fantastic, as we spoke for several hours about everything from theology to global news. After the interview I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit, and pure joy was sent unto my mind and my body. Up until this point I did not even know what peace was. I learned that peace came from Jesus Christ and no one else.

My Escape From the Devil’s Wrath

Two days after the meeting with Brother Terry, I would encounter something that truly scared me. It happened at night when I was alone in my house. During the appointment, Brother Terry warned me about the greatest challenge that I would face while working as a disciple of Jesus: as a believer, you are a constant target by God’s opposition. This opposition is most commonly referred to as the Devil, Lucifer, and Satan. He was once the greatest angel in until he tried to supplant God’s authority (Ezekiel 28:15). Others refer to him as the Light-bearer, as he masquerades as an angel of light, deceiving many into lifestyles that appear to be good on the outside, but contain eternal poison at the center (II Corinthians 11:14). During my years of indulgence his servants led me astray, convincing me that drinking and dedicating your life to your own enjoyment was the only way to find happiness. It is sad to say that many are led astray by seducing spirits who have an evil agenda (I Timothy 4:1).

Please keep in mind that the events that I am about to describe are to be taken literally, and that I am not exaggerating when I give my explanation. This was a true demonic encounter that is not to be taken lightly. I am telling you this because there are evil forces at work that many people underestimate and/or ignore. Also keep in mind that I was not drunk at this time (it had been over a month since I had alcohol before this night). Neither do I have any mental disorders, nor have I ever taken any hallucinogenic drugs of any kind, so this was not my imagination. We must be prepared to face these demons whenever they try to lead us away from eternal salvation. Take heed to this part of my story, for it was at this point that I truly learned what Jesus saved me from.

On that terrifying night, I realized that Satan was not ready to let me go. As I was lying in bed, I had a very strong feeling of a dark presence in my room. This presence was unseen to my eyes, but I still knew that I was not alone. My body was covered in chills as I heard evil cries in a language that I could not interpret. The voices sounded like they were in torture, but at the same time were very aggressive and hateful. Even though I could not understand the voices, I still knew that I was somehow in danger. The terror I felt was not for my body, but for my soul. My heart was frozen in fear, for these sounds were anything but human. I learned from this experience that Satan is a roaring lion who seeks to devour anyone who belongs to the Church (I Peter 5:8).

After gathering enough strength to move, I reached for my Bible on my night stand and held it close to my chest. I was so scared that I was hardly able to move, for I had an old childish fear that if I stepped out of my bed, something would come and grab me from under my bed. After picking up my Bible, God’s voice came into my heart with these words: "KNEEL AND PRAY TO ME NOW IN THE NAME OF YOUR ETERNAL LORD, JESUS CHRIST, FOR NOTHING ELSE WILL SAVE YOU THIS NIGHT." His comforting voice gave me a sense of reassurance that I did not know before that night, and I knew then that everything would be okay if I did as He instructed me. After He spoke to me, the coldness left my chest and strength came in. I worked up the courage and knelt on the side of my bed, praying desperately for Jesus to save me. I prayed intensely for about half an hour. When my prayer was over I put myself back on my bed and the evil spirit was cast out by the power of Jesus Christ. We should never underestimate the power of Christ, for His death on the cross was the resolution for Satan’s hold over this world (Hebrews 2:14).

When I was once again on my bed, I closed my eyes and the Holy Spirit came upon me once again. It was like a smooth never-ending river that flowed through my chest. I mean this literally, for something was really flowing through me that was very refreshing. Every atom and every molecule in my body was filled with the warmth and the pure essence of God’s eternal grace. The cold fear in my heart turned into warm love that is unequal to anything that th

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