Don would like to take us on some of his life’s journey and where he is today. He says that the desire to please God does in fact please Him.
Hi I’m Don.
Today I would like to take you on some of my life’s journey and to where I am today.
I’m 42 years old and was baptized into the faith 10 months ago on May 13 2000. I was born in Moose Jaw and lived there with my parents and two brothers and a sister. My sister left home at the age of 16, my brothers joined the navy at age 16 and 17 when I was 5 to six years old. To this day I don’t know the specific reasons for this, but suspect the physical and mental anguish they experienced at home was the main reason. So, I was basically raised as an only child.
My father was not a religious man at all and to this day is a prime example of a confused agnostic. My mother followed his example or was punished with physical and mental terrorism by my father.
During my childhood there were always references to God and Jesus, but always in anger and in vain. I was always tested for my knowledge such as sense of directions and mathematical problems. I will always remember the hallway in the house where these tests took place. There was always the threat of physical punishment for the simplest wrong. I was taught to never show my emotions, whether they were happy or sad, because that was perceived as weakness.
When I was seven I was sent to speech therapy by my school. My father viewed this as a complete failure on my part. I became very quite and withdrawn and only spoke if I had to.
When I was a young boy my mother sent me to Sunday school, although my parents never set foot inside the church. I even attended vacation bible schools in the summers when I was between 7 and 11 years old.
As I entered my teen years the pressures of my age and my peers drew me away from the anything I had learnt at the church and directly into my own self-will. My family looked at this as a good change in my life. It was not!
I managed to stay away from alcohol and drugs until my senior year in high school. I started drinking occasionally on weekends in the later part of that year. I had been seeing the use of drugs; at parties and in the music I listened to, but didn’t become involved with them until the summer after graduation. From the time I first used drugs, I was high almost every day for 5 years. In 1977 I was charged with possession of marijuana for the purpose of trafficking, but was convicted of simple possession. This resulted in moving home with my parents for a few months. I became even more anti-social and was associating with many people in the drug trade. Then I got messed up in the legal system again. I was charged and convicted of trafficking in marijuana in 1982. I was very angry with the laws and myself and couldn’t see any future from there except jail and failure. It turned out the court system was lenient with me and I got a very stiff fine. What if there would have been the punishment I deserved? Would my life have progressed differently? We can’t live on what ifs… there was a greater power at work.
I made a choice at that time to switch to the legal drug alcohol. It was an immediate addiction. Alcohol seemed to be my friend but soon turned out to be my worst enemy.
There was a sickness within me.
A sickness of the soul.
As time went on, hiding behind the mask of addictions became worse and worse. First it was drugs, then alcohol. Soon nothing else mattered. The drugs I used in my early twenties kept me away from alcohol, but I used them as they say, “to feed my head” and was, at the very least, phsycologiclly addicted. I think I was an alcoholic from the time I had my first drink.
I was living in a world of blackouts, not remembering major things from the night before, sometimes not remembering how I got to bed. There were many times I insulted and embarrassed people with my comments and actions. I thought I was acting normal, but how can you in a red eyed, drunken stupor. I caused my family especially Trudy, a great deal of pain by my actions, showing up to public functions not knowing why or how I got there, going to school functions and interviews drunk, trying to have conversations and just letting the alcohol ramble on. I worked lots of hours at work, not to benefit my family, but to gain money to feed my addiction. I embarrassed my sons by my actions around their friends and at scouting functions. I did the program of scouting a great disservice by attempting to be a leader in my condition.
What I did know of God, prayer, and even good ethics was disappearing. The evil one was taking over. For me, satan lives in a bottle.
I was very good at twisting people, things and relationships to suit my own needs. Other peoples needs became unimportant. I was losing touch with my family, friends and reality. The only priorities in my life were drinking, sleeping, passing out and myself.
I tried living by codes of ethics like the scouting principles, tried the recovery program of AA, was getting counseling, but none of this worked to get me back on track.
Trough it all
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