Dianne Armstrong

Personal testimony of Dianne Armstrong

I was born 47 years ago in a small town in South Otago New Zealand. My mother described to the doctor the sensations she had been experiencing for the past week. Mum had apparently been in labour for the best part of a week. When I was born the reason why become very evident. I was born with a bulge as big as my head attached to my upper back and my legs were very underdeveloped. The local hospital doctors suspected spina bifida and I was transported the next day to Dunedin Hospital. There, the doctors confirmed the diagnosis and informed my parents that I would not live more than a few days. My father went out and got drunk; fortunately for him he was as sick as a dog and never touched alcohol again to this very day. Something good had already happened as my dad's father was an alcoholic, my father couldn't become one if he didn't drink the stuff. My immediate family was saved from this affliction.

As you will have probably noticed I didn't die. At ten days old I was operated on by a visiting Australian specialist as no one else would even contemplate carrying out the surgery and it was only a tidy up job as they couldn't surgically repair the damage or leave me in the state I was in. My mother saw and held me for the first time three weeks after I was born. Two months later I was taken home with the knowledge that I would never walk or develop normally. Living in a small farming town with no facilities didn't help my parents accept or deal with a child with a disability. I did walk when I was two and a half years old, but my parents were unable to accept or love me in case I died. I knew something was missing and felt very lonely in my early years. We lived next to a Church; my parents didn't attend Church and were not practicing Christians. My first encounter with God was as a three year old clinging to the wire fence that separated the Church from our place, longing to be where the beautiful music was coming from knowing from deep inside me that it was very special. I somehow felt strengthened and not alone anymore.

My school days were full of frustration and rejection from both the other kids and the teachers. It was very evident that I had learning difficulties. I had severe dyslexia and also couldn't contemplate numbers in any form or shape. Because of my lack of co-ordination I couldn't even catch a basketball let alone a tennis ball. When it came to sport I was never picked for any team, the quote “ do we have to have her on our team?” was very familiar and hurtful. I used to work around the dyslexia thing by throwing out my homework books and trying to bluff my way into acceptance by others. This had limited success and I mostly got caught out. At the age of twelve I was asked to stand up and recite the alphabet. I realised I was in trouble because I only knew the first and the last three letters, the others never seemed to stay in any order long enough for me to capture them in my mind. All I seemed to prove was that everyone was right I was stupid and not much good for anything. Therefore I had no reason to expect to have any friends or people around me to love me. I didn't deserve love, as I had nothing to offer anyone.

But there was a driving force in me that never allowed me to give up on myself. Several years earlier at the age of nine, the minister from the Church where we lived in South Otago visited our family; he had travelled up 500 miles and made a point of visiting our family. He wanted to baptise me, as due to my problems that had never taken place before. When I was told I was thrilled, didn't know why but it was something I was desperate to have done. Although I don't remember the words, I remember that it stirred up my very being and I felt totally cleansed and had a new strength in me. Salvation. God's greatest gift. This was the time when the Lord placed in my heart the 23rd Psalm; this holds very deep meaning and has comforted me throughout my life.

At the age of thirteen I was allowed to attend the local youth group but never attended Sunday Church, as my parents didn't seem interested. I continued my schooling years and found high school more accepting and with a lot of hard work on my part struggled with the schoolwork. It was when I felt a calling within me to become a nurse and overhearing that I would never be able to attain the qualifications needed, that I drew on my inner strength from God to succeed in getting the qualifications required. That sure surprised everyone. I wanted to do the enrolled nursing course rather than the general nursing course, as I didn't think I could manage the three-year course physically. I knew that I could probably keep up with the studies with a lot of effort as I had proved that I was not intellectually disabled as I had been labelled. I listened to my mother who suggested that I go for the three year nursing course because I had the qualifications (maybe she knew more than me and I was limiting myself because of low or no self esteem). So I was accepted into the local hospital's nursing programme, they needed the numbers for the class to keep the school open. After two years I wasn't coping with the pain, discomfort and exhaustion but kept going until I ended up in hospital as a patient. I had to give up nursing and it took four months to recover. I failed again but at least I had tried. I also wished I had carried out the enrolled nursing course as I would have already qualified for that. I wasn't even allowed to transfer to that course, it was against the rules and I would have had to start from the beginning.

My faith in God never let me down, I never blamed Him, it never occurred to me to do so, why would it be His fault when it was me that let Him down making what I thought were wrong choices. I didn't go to Church at that stage I couldn't even manage going to work, but I always knew God was with me in my heart and that He guided me in all that I did and I am very thankful for that knowledge. Just before I went nursing I met a man, my one and only boyfriend, as far as I was concerned I was making nursing my life and there was no room for a boyfriend let alone a husband. I ignored God telling me this person was to be my husband (This happened in the first week I met Ray). So for two years I kept telling him to go away but he didn't. I pushed him away because I didn't know how to have a relationship with anyone, I didn't know what to do when he put his arm around me other than to run away. But slowly a real friendship unfolded, this person appeared to like and accept me. Over time the bond grew deeper and God showed me I could love and be loved by people. Wow what a revelation, I knew God loved me but to feel that another person could, was just about unbelievable. Ray knew I had problems but it didn't appear to matter to him, he knew I couldn't read properly, that the only sport I was good at was falling over my feet but he was able to see around or over every fence I had built for protection, and there were plenty I was good at building brick walls.

So eventually we got married in a Church with God's blessing, I was very aware of His presence even though Ray was not a Christian and did not become one for another 27 years of marriage to me. The minister that had run the youth group that I attended married us. He was now a good friend of the family but my parents were still not Christians although they lived a good life. Ray and I were blessed with one healthy lovely daughter, the pregnancy wasn't easy but well worth it. During our daughters infant years I was drawn to attend Church and Bible studies. I took Julie our daughter with me so she had a background in Christianity. Over the years I did not find Church satisfied my needs and as we shifted around with Ray's job, I started going to Church only occasionally. I felt there was a lot missing, it appeared to be man that was running it and that didn't seem right. I felt that for a period of time that God was going to teach me what he wanted me to know by walking with Him on a daily basis without attending Church. The Lord would put into my heart what He needed me to know. This went on for quite a few years. God held me up through all the hard times when my mother died of breast cancer and Ray had a severe stroke. God's strength got me through all these difficult situations.

When Ray was made redundant from Telecom after thirty years of service, I was faced with the challenge of returning to the work force with no training or career to go back to. I had been working as a volunteer over the years and at the time of Ray's redundancy was working up at the local hospital 20 hours a week as a volunteer, teaching arts and crafts to long stay patients and to clients in community groups. The committee of the organisation wanted a paid administrator for the organisation, as it was too large to run as a volunteer programme. As I was the secretary for the organisation they thought I might like the position. Since we had no income I was not about to turn this opportunity down. The organisation had to be legalised as a charitable trust, an office set up and all legal documentation and grants applied for, boy did I learn a pile of new skills in a hurry. But as usual under God's guidance it was established and worked well for three years.

Then the hospital restructured and as the main funding agent they were no longer to fund the programme, so I was out of a job and Ray still had not been successful in obtaining paid work. But he turned out to be a good cook and housekeeper, as I couldn't work thirty hours a week and do the other work as well. Then came a challenge that I was not going to accept. I had read in the paper an advertisement for a job for a manager of a community organisation. After reading it, I thought I had no hope of getting it, I didn't have the management or nursing qualifications so why are we even looking at this God, I don't have the confidence or the skills to pull this one off. I tossed the paper out.

Over several weeks people came to me with this same ad saying this job is yours. (Yea Right). I still ignored it. Another ad was brought to my attention several weeks later, from a different company from a community organisation wanting someone to run a programme, it was only thirty hours a week, sounds more like it. I rang up and made an appointment with the employment agency. Got the boss who was interviewing, I liked the sound of this man, we got on well over the phone, and he gave me some background information and set up an appointment within the hour. The last question I asked was the name of the organisation. Panic it was the same one that advertised the manager's position several weeks ago. In fact it was the same job! God what are you doing to me was my response to myself? Being the polite person that I am, I couldn't say that I was no longer interested. I turned up for that interview and actually got the job several interviews down the line. Panic, God what have you got me into? I can't do this job.

But I did, our unfailing God got me through another struggle and a very steep learning curve. Here was me liasing with top men in the government health system, battling for the rights of the disabled and achieving results on their behalf. Oh what a wonderful God we have, when we allow Him to put His plan to work through us and have faith that He works for our benefit and others and proves constantly His love for us.

After several visits to the Gold Coast, I felt God calling Ray and I to come and live here. It took about a year to say to God if that's what He wanted, and then make it happen and He did. It was the easiest move we have ever had, it was like moving next door. I left my good job with the organisation three times larger than when I set up the government contracts, the turnover multimillions in the last year. My employer (the committee) gave me a wonderful gift of a book of Christian poetry, which I still love today. As I looked through the book a small envelope fell out of it,

I looked up and everyone was smiling at me, their expression turned to delight as I pulled out a cheque for three thousand dollars. My mouth hit the floor as it opened large enough to drive a truck into it. My employer never paid bonuses and they were not aware that this was the full amount to pay the removal expenses to Australia. God provides our every need and blesses us when we carry out His Will. My dad 's attitude was the only down side to our decision as he stopped talking to me and still doesn't want to know me five years later.

So I got off the plane ready to tackle what God had planned for us. We stayed with a close friend for six weeks. Mary was our adopted mother and was overjoyed to have us on the Coast with her as her only son was working in Melbourne and she was very lonely. I had six weeks holiday pay and started a casual job on the seventh week, God's timing again. That same week we moved into the house we bought, we thought we may not see our furniture for some months as the big wharf strike was on at the time the ship came in from New Zealand. But fear not the ship was redirected to another wharf and our furniture arrived on time the day we requested.

Then another challenge, we needed a permanent job as the casual job hardly met our basic financial needs. I got another job as a manger of a community organisation, I was concerned because it was full time and I didn't know if my body would cope with it. Then I heard God tell me it was only for twelve months or so anyway. This job was a battle from start to finish. The first day the staff let me know, some subtly and some using a s

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