This is the first time I am writing this on the net. I am struggling spiritually, and I know that offering testimony for what the Lord has done in the past helps us move forward.
I was sleeping at a retreat about 5 years ago in Florida.
I was there to go through a program for people healing from post abortion hurts. I came by instruction of the director, so that I could, in the future talk to the women about my healing, many years ago, from an abortion through rape when I was a teen.
I had been healed of so much of the issues. My child I thought was a boy and I named him Joshua Kolbe(first and middle names.) years before.
I had lit birthday candles for him and done prayers over the years as well as post abortion healing when I was in my twenties.
I did not expect to receive from God at this retreat, but in faith I was there to give to Him. To go through the retreat again, so I could speak in the future and offer comfort to women and men hurting, as God's grace had brought me so far. I was at peace with that issue.
Well, in my room, asleep after prayers and adoration, I was awakened in the night. I didn't get up but became aware that I was conscious while lying on my little bed in the tiny, one person room.
I saw what looked like an angel come toward me. It was the most beautiful face and it came within inches of my eyes.
I could see something behind it and realized that behind the face were angels in four corners, but the face was not that of an angel, but of an infant baby. It was a boy, with blonde curls and the most beautiful eyes!
I felt the radar in my mind and spirit really, really wake up. I knew there was something for me to pay attention to.
Then the child proceeded to give me a message, for what seemed like a long time. He did this with his eyes as they moved messages into my heart without speaking.
I heard every word loud and clear it seemed and there was this washing in my heart of such joy and awe. I was just amazed as I lay there motionless on my bed, while this child showed me his joy and happiness.
I was aware of a sense that this boy was allowed and meant to come to me, to share his message for me, that he was in more happiness and bliss than a person would ever experience here on earth.
I was trying to comprehend all this at once, but it was not any thing earthly and I knew that as it was happening.
At one point, after Joshua's initial entrance, he took me up somewhere, that I was shown by a feeling. It was as if it was 'where he lives'. It was as if it was the outside layer of the world he lives in(Heaven). It was ecstatically peaceful in my soul to the point I could hardly take it.
It was overwhelming and soothing at the same time.
He kept saying, I have none of what you undestand there.
I am in constant joy and bliss, he would communicate to me.

I felt so priviledge and in awe of this happening to me.
As I awoke, finally in the dark, I shot right up and spoke out loud, to try to find my bearings. I said "God, was that my son??!!"(of course much more humbly than with an exclamation, as I had just been somewhere that was not natural in any way, but heavenly)
I then saw in the corner of the room, as far as the eye or my spirit could see, GIANT ANGELS floating above. It was known to me they were huge and very powerful and they went on infinity.
I could hardly move or speak, and at the same time I was not restrained by what the natural man is restrained by.
I slowly came back to 'earth' in my mind and spirit.
For three days I could not speak. I told no one for weeks about it as I could not describe it in any way that did it justice. I was overwhelmed that God sent this messenger to me.
When I asked God "why me?" I heard a voice say, "Do not question God" and I remembered something in the Bible about not questioning God, and Job's story.
I wanted to tell God that someone else struggling in this area would need that vision more than me. I was healed already.
When I came to give to God, in faith- He gave me something I could never, ever have hoped for. I couldn't even have imagined it, ever. I keep it in my heart and one day hope to write it in a story prayfully, that it will help moms and dads find comfort about their own child gone on to heaven.

I pray you are blessed with encouragement,

K