I've been inactive for about a week and I have a reason for it. Its not a good one but I hope it bring good to share it. Here the truth, life is being harder for me in the last 2-3 weeks. Specially when I start pray at night for everyone I know. There I am so determined to change my life. I determine to fast every weekend. First weekend went quite well but I have this small fight with my wife but I get through it quite well. A week after that I began to pray for everyone I know, people in here, my family, my wife's family, people at work, etc.

But this fight with my wife is intensified. Don't know why sometimes small problem went big. We always end up forgiving each other but really I'm not comfortable with it. Now learning from the last weekend where I fast but not my wife and its end up with my wife feeling neglected, I decide to ask my wife to join me fasting that weekend and she agreed. That weekend we have three days in a row, since that monday is a holiday in here. So I have saturday, sunday and monday. I thouht I'll go for eat nothing and drink water only.

First day fasting goes like hell. I think that is one among the big fight we have in three going to four years marriage. We don't go to church in the next day (sunday) and for the whole next week I'm stop praying at night. First day I pray but I felt nothing, its as if I talk alone and I'm really depressed because of it. And in few days I give up and stop praying at all. Not to mention that I have this problem at work between my conscience and the job I have to do. And I failed God in that case. So last week I'm severely beaten spiritually.

But last weekend is different. I'm not fasting but my wife did, she began to pray at night since thursday. Somehow she pray for me that I should begin to pray every night again. She said at thursday night she suddenly felt this urge to pray. So she pray and as she pray she feel that Jesus show His hand that been hunges in the cross and she felt that as if God trying to say something to her. She's not sure what but she felt that God kind of disappointed. So she start pray, singing praises and pray in tongue for hours. Its been like that for trhee days and she fast at last saturday a bit surprised as she found out that I'm not. Anyway last night I listen to this radio and a preach saying something like this:

"So what would you do with your life as Christian? Are you going to be good for a while and that bad at anotehr time, back to good then back to bad? Be a good christian when things goes smooth in your life but then run from God, quitting when somthing goes wrong?"

"Don't ever think that now as you have become christian, satan will stop bugging at you. don't think that after you have baptized, wearing cross and go to church at sunday. Satan will not attack you anymore. No my brother, he won't. And don't think him lightly either, since he have thousand of years experience in tempting human. If he fail to temp you in one thing he will try another. Maybe now you've stopped adultery, you no longer gamble or maybe beat your wife. but he will come with anotehr tamptation maybe he will intensified the temptation. If before you're tempted with some girl but now you no longer tempted, he might come to you in another form. A beautiful christian lady perhaps, started with something that seems religious."

"So be true in your call to obey God. Walk carefully with God."

So here I am, I have made terible mistake last couple weeks. I'm ashamed at how easily I forgot how God is so good to me, just within days. I humbly asked for pray to you all. I would like to back at chasing God with all my might.