i love god i'm not perfect i do things that i know is wrong and should not do, but i know now that he loves me as his child and no matter what i done he still shows me unconditional love. i mean i feel a bit more blessed like now i'm maturing and getting more confident in who iam in christ, i;m learning that confidence just don't come from within it comes from god and making that peace with myself and stop fighting what negative things has been said about me and waht negative things i feel about myself already first and foremost, i've said negative things but when it's thrown back at you it's no fun and i felt like all of it was true and that was just it for me. but now i'm learning that as long as i got breath in my body i'm open to changes and improvements within myself. and that i may not have the outward beauty of a model but i know out of all the men that pass me by and don't see nothing particularly beautiful about me, that god will send the one who see's all of that and more. so i just choose now to honor god with myself worth and value, because i'm tired of not feeling good anymore and people seeing me in a negative or stagnant light. i have to let god push me up higher in myself and it takes me letting go, letting go of my own ideas and stop thinking negative and limited like the world thinks. i have to love me even if i was a snaggle tooth woman with people saying no man will ever want her. i have to try and hold on to myself worth and it is a challenge, don't get me wrong cause i still need to be checked sometimes, and it's hard cause even at 33 yrs.old i still want my mom to check me and when she dose'nt i get upset, but when she does i try to take it in even if it hurts me. but i realize now that she is limited and so am i, only god has the wisdom and sometimes i forget that. but i have to keep learning and keep living cause i got alot to learn. keep praying for me and i will do the same for you. peace and love- dezeri smith.