Rod,
Thank you so much for your story, I'm in awe!
A lesson I learned in surrender occured when I had the privelege of caring for my husband as he battled against cancer. The last 10 days of his life were THE MOST HOLY EXPERIENCE, I've ever been honored to be apart of. He was pallitive, wanted to be at home when he died. I cared for him right to the end. God used this situation to reveal Himself intimately to me too.
Cancer steals everything from a family, it devastates the finances, the emotions, the so called titles we carry (ex: wife to widow, married to single, ect.), every facet. It got so that all I could do was surrender my need to care-give my sweet-heart, and just love him with my eyes! At one point he was resting, his eyes were closed, I was leaning over him, our faces very close to each other. He opened his eyes and had a confused look on his face and he asked me what I was doing. The first thing that came to my mind, because that is where my heart was...is I replied...."I'm loving you with my eyes". He just melted in that honest, simple truth! It was the best medicine, the only medicine he needed! He got so that he couldn't even take a sip of water! So you can only imagine the powerlessness in that position. Three days before he died he said this, "when it comes to the end, all that matters is our love of God and our love of others, the love we give and receive is all that we leave and take." I believe this completely. It's all about RELATIONSHIP.
Surrender for me is about "keeping it simple", doing the best that I can with what I have. I might be off the wall here, but to me....trust/acceptance is the key to surrender. These are just my opinions, please don't feel that I'm projecting here. I'm just sharing a bit of my "experience, strength and hope"....take what you like and leave the rest...is what we say in a 12 step program I attend. When I'm having a hard time surrendering something, my sponsor tells me...."stop putting God in a match box". Spirituality for me is a process, trials and errors....lessons learned, experience gained, out of that revelation....truth shared to those seeking. It has taken me 31 years to be able to even go to church and I absolutely love my new found family of God (God the Father & Jesus first). I'm hungry for God's word! I don't have all the answers, but He does. I will fail, my motives will fall short, my thinking and reasoning will fail, people will fail....that is why we must in all situations keep our eyes on Christ....HE WON'T FAIL. Thank God that our salvation isn't based on our performance or lack of, it's a gift from God. I just finished reading the book "Hinds' feet in High Places"...totally loved it. Another book I just finished that I got so much out of is called "The Divine Romance-Drawing Closer to the heart of God"
I also just finished, Max Lucado's - Cure for the Common Life.
God Bless you and keep you, Sincerely, Debra