I understand your concern in getting right with God. I have some advice for you though. For us humans, it seems hard to leave our sinnfull nature. We were all born sinners. But by they blood of Jesus Christ, we are saved. All we need to do is look and seek Jesus. We must have faith in him. We must belive we can do anything through Christ which strengthens us. God loves us dearly, and he would do anything to help a sinner calling for him. Just believe and trust in God. I believe God is going to use you to Help others with situatuins similar to yours. God Bless You! I am going to pray for you.