Dear to many pastor(s)

I am Deaf, many of you not knoweology about Deaf Culture or Deaf world, excuse me for my " Amercia english" is my second language and Deaf (ASL) is my first english. Hope you will understand my english.

I grow up in Christian Oprhange in korea and adopted by wonderful amercia amazed christian mother. I have seen so many christian world as I grow and often see many pastor(s) to preach in church. for a example. I went to Bible college in somewhere northwest state for two yrs then I got married, in durning our marriage was fallen apart and I prayed, pray, pray as begg to heal our the marriage but somehow it contuine falling aparts, I pray and felt that need to see our pastor where we used go to that large church, I went in church office and i saw many 'Leader' Ministry. asked one lady who work there to see if I could talk to pastor, the office minstry kept too busy without really "notice or put in a person's need first' so i waited for a while, finally a other lady who is married to asst-pastor's wife came to me and asked me 'how can i help you?" I explained it to her about my marriage problem and wish to have a head of pastor and wife but that lady told me that " need to make an appoitment to see them" so did till on that day, I went in and saw head pastor's wife walk in the lobby room as well as she smile with polite and manner to people around her, finally the pastor came and called me go in his office. I explained it to him about the marriage problem, he said I need to talk with asst-pastor who is work with the couple/marriages counselor, while i was think as said in my head. "wonder is that pastor put himself too busy with other things that is more an important? in durning at the moment i saw in his eyes seems too much forcus on other things and was wonder if does he really DID pray about my marriage to help or what? in the fact, he didnt help at almost nothing. so i went out with my sad and my last of hope. i saw his wife sit in lobby and chats with other poeple with laughs " so I went home and I pray as I told it is OVER THE MARRIAGE, so did got divcored as I gave it up. not just that pastor's issues but in my experiences life that seems lot of pastors have no time for themselves and family but have time for fall-sin by poeple around to pastor..
I grow up with NO TRUST WITH LOT PASTORS even in natural T.V. in Korea I grow up with christian orpahange. the Truely amazed amercia Missionary who set up the christian orphanage, she was been very busy travels to raise the funds to providers for christian orphanage and never have time to met each of many children's needs or wants. I sometime think about her (her name is Rev- Maxine Strobrighton last name spelling is not sure a correct but anyway she passed away in many years ago by cancer in her body. I KNOW that she is much more bless by God's eyes in her work as a missionary leaders, not just in one korea but she been set up open the orpahange in two different country (deaf orpahanges.) she never married or either no children of her own, I remembered her very well, she often polish-nails colors on many girls as we girls so happy to have some beauity colors-nails with her GREAT Love-warms emotionals to many children even she doesnt have time for us. not just orpahange but she been fights to get some approval new laws for Deaf's rights and indepdance to have a own- church(s) able to worship God in church, been some successful but not compeletly yet. because of other Pastors who work with her, has been become 'republiation, Vain, control, powers that put Maxine down to fall but she fights back as she knew it is God's wills not human-pastors sin and desires for some their goal reasons. In a fact, other Pastors who work for Maxine, been abusived many orpahange children with woods/metals and put in hole of grounds and sexual molested. other things. when i was in east of state where i grow up with loving adopted mother, she took me to Deaf church under by hearing Church. I grow trust with Deaf Pastor and expression my past and pastor end it up spread it out with his family about my past and my family with bad repbulations and destory as I knew that pastor's wife is famous for Gossip and judgements. I remember very well that Deaf pastor called me "I feel alike you are my second Daugther" but questions is ... why does he said with his Lies words?" but all i can see is ... that family are destory themselves that effect memeber of people church and learn to become Judgements and gossip.

I believe in that Most Pastors should learn about a reality of human poeple who desires to hear about truthful God and they as a family need to learn a truthful to themselves first before become a pastor leader in many God's children. IN my strongely believe that many Minstry or Leader of pastors are in needs to have a professional counselors before become a leader in wide of national or in country or state. especially any wifes of pastor need to go to bible college or get a women's groups to learn about 'trust, honest, kind, love to others as love to herself first and respect for others as she respect her pastor husband' I was in bible college and doesnt learn about women or wives to pastor or leader minstry's roles all i learn is as push and go to anywhere what God's wills to send.
I know you will tell me " not just pastors or missionary leaders people are responbiblity for people but God put a bless on leader and put trust into leader to preach to world, you probably will say " you are bitter or angry or obessive or whatever but truth is i am not, just that where i seen so many false pastors lead to wrong sin path and fall in sin. many people who are look up at leader and believed in leadership. I would like to see lot of pastors and wifes -family need to learn truthful in to themselves first before it will destory themselves and others.

One of you mentioned about "forcus on God's feeling first" I do agreed with you but again, you cant just sit down on your big ass and pray as forcus on God without help others, because many pastors or leadership are in needs your help to pray and help them to give a truthful and remind, look at recently in T.V. news national/ embrassed by a pastor who admited that he was in sin with 'Gay' history even he married to wife and family ... i saw the tv news.. that pastor walked thru= crowds people. he tried to shake his hand to people but most of them refused to give a shake-hand, only one man did. my point is... how many poeple are look at judgements what he did in the past, remind ourselves. pastor is a human and have some sin in our lives, two things... one is .. did that pastor get some help? maybe not, because of vain, power, plenty of attentions and moneys and 'perfecation christian family as MASK-FAMILY" Second is... why people become a judgements to many issues because of lies/serects lifes, who is resopionbiblty? you will say it is our responbiblity for our sin and pastors have no responbiblity but only preaching God's truth-words.
Let me tell you to many PASTORS, You dont have a really 'JOB' because God is give you a job to share the his (God) messages to his children, if God didnt call you as a pastor, what will you do with your life "you might be end up work for a facotry job or regual jobs to live as supports yourself and probably a family, you wont be in 'Famous -face" in the national world. you are "so what" but remind yourself, be Thankful God that he gave it to you. why will you lies and end it up with sin- powers, moneys, too good to be true and lies in family>? alike "Lilith" Cain or Eve or.
only two poeple in bible. went home in heaven without suffered thru- because they truely to God and power faith.
the bible verse here:
Isalah 34: 8 (NRSV)
" fOR THE lORD HAS A DAY OF VENGENANCE A YEAR OF VINDICATION BY ZION'S cause and the streams of edom shall be turned into pitch, and her soils into sulfur, her hand shall become burning pitch. Night and day it shall not be quenched; its smoke shall go up forever from generation to generation it shall lie waste; no one shall pass thru- it forever and ever. but the hawk and the hedgehog shall possess it; the owl and the raven shall live in it. He shall stretch the line of confusion over it, and the plummet of chaos over its nobles. they shall name it No Kingdom there, and all its princes shall be nothing. Thorns shall greow over its strongholds, Thorns shall grow over its strongholds, nettles and thistles in its fortresses. It shall be the haunt of jackals, an abode for ostriches. Wildcats shall meet with hyenas, goat-deomons shall call to eachother there too Lilith shall respose and find a place to rest. There shall the owl nest and lay and hatch and brood in its shadow; there too the buzzards shall gather, each one with its mate. Seek and read from the book of the LORD Not o ne of these shall be missing; none shall be without its mate for the mouth of the LORD has commanded and his spirit has gathered them . He has cast the lot for them, his hand has portioned it out to them with the line; they shall possess it forever from generation to gengeration they shall live in it.

It apply to not just pastors or leadership but to all of people. we have a choice alike i did choosed the wrong path and end it up divcored the marriage because of my angry against God "why not you just help me if you truely love me and heal but didnt, because my heart was deep hole and darkness, only able to see it from that.

You have time for sex, mastubate, watch any favor-t.v. shows, foods, drinks, shopping, social people, internets webs alike you are in 'judgements's opntions by any doucments of bible or history , porno-internets, internets -chats, whatever the names you are doing, but no time for yourself >> and for God's desires from us and help others>>, all i can see is ... they have time for (Judgement, favorist by some people or "fit in the crowds", gossip, rude, snobby-nose, moneys-greedy, good time, sex, lies, hightly Educations. how about go in to fits and help a poor, no job, no home, no moneys, suffering in their lives, no loves, no family as God truely love them and why dont you help them? because you ddint get some help yourself first anyway.

I am try to remind myself, any pastors who believe in God, I have to look at God and not look at pastor because knew that pastor is no "pure" or holy, pastor is a human and have a flaws of sin and realized myself that any pastor or leader is worst of all than people but i have to Thankful that God gave it to pastor and miinistry to people who is able to found the truth God as Jesus's amazing loves and truth of words, there is a HOPE FOR ALL OF US able go home with Jesus one day soon.
remind yourself, if you are alike Lilth's rest in nest, picture in here... you are sitting your lazy ass in lilith 's " lay and rest in nest" use internets computer and agrue about God's words>> roll my eyes at you.
Jesus is coming very soon and 666 is soon arrive in this world, but tho still you have time to agruement about God's irrcorrect words or correct words. intead help otrhers/

I am sorry if i offended you but I just wanted share and remind of ourselves that we need to forcus on ourselves to clean it up and able to understand others as help other to find and found.

Good luck and God will bless you whomever, God is watching over you and Love you!

p.s. I havent read about Ted, I know God truely Love Ted that sound like Ted has been ministry to many lost soul and found it, they should replacement to Thankful for Ted been service for God and happened Ted become fallen sin but I am sure he is sorrows and asked for forgivness, we poeple who should look at him as a person who raise up to God again in his life as I hope so really. think of him as how he did minsitry and I know God has been bless on him. same as in bible. David (king) was devotion to God then fall down but God has bless on him, solodom too, many many in bible story.

"Jkw"
p.s. please do not email it to me, thank you very much.