Christ is the only Way to reach God

I am not a good Christian. I’m still not a good Christian. But I try to be a good one, at least one that is good in God’s eyes.

I come from a broken family. My parents divorced when I was young and I never quite knew what it was like to be in a complete one where there’s a father figure who would work to provide for the family and a mother figure who would tend to the children and nurture them to become good people. I stayed with my mother following the divorce and my mother worked hard everyday in order to support my family. It was lonely as a child, I’ve never quite knew what love is as my family members do not openly express their love and caning was the way to go when I made mistakes as a child.

Somehow, in spite of the lack of adult guidance in my life, there seemed to be someone/something unexplainable that is there to guide me against doing wrong things, telling my heart not to do certain things because it is morally wrong or will hurt someone.

My family is not Christian, but I wanted to become a Christian. I read the bible, attended churches of various denominations seeking to feel closer to God, feel his presence. I tried to follow whatever’s said in the bible, but I still couldn’t feel his presence.

Now looking back, I realised that it is because of the fact that I missed out on the key to reach God, and that is to believe in Jesus Christ, that he died for our sins to redeem us. That our great God gave His One and Only Son to die for our sins because He loved us, He loved us sinful humans so much to be willing to do that. And that we need to take the one step of faith in Christ in order to reach God.

I had struggled with the concept of Jesus Christ dying for our sins for many years. In spite of reading the bible and attending church and all, I still struggled with that concept. Eventually, I decided to stop going to church for I couldn’t understand or was no longer interested in learning about God’s Words as I got so caught up with the troubles in my life.

I started to face health issues as I grew older. Strange illnesses and allergies started to beset me and my conditions got worse as I grew older. My body became weaker and weaker and I kept losing weight as well on top of skin problems on my face. I visited doctors of all kinds for more than 10 years but no one is able to give me a diagnosis and cure me. I tried all kinds of medications, treatments, supplements but to no avail. Doctors only served to deliver me unpleasant news such as ‘you cannot be cured, you just have to live with it’ or the medications they give me will maybe help me for one month or so, then I’d develop sensitivity towards that medication and could no longer take them due to the adverse reactions I get. For more than ten years, all sorts of medications, supplements and wrong diagnosis only served to weaken me further and I prayed and prayed but there did not seem to be any answer from God. But I still cling on hope and continued to pray to Him, hoping that He would grant my wish of helping me recover. Afterall, He’s a loving God right, he wouldn’t want to see me suffer right?

Little did I know that all these health problems had a learning lesson behind, the reason why God let these things happen to me. I had tried to look for solutions to my health problems on my own, researching religiously for cures. It didn’t occur to me that I am weak while He is strong and that I should surrender everything to Him and let him run the show, let him do what He had planned for me, for my recovery.

It was only when my body became so weak that sometimes I felt as though I would stop breathing and die that I realised how powerless I am as a human being and that only God will be able to save me. It was only at this point when I surrendered myself to Him that I started to be able to feel him again. Slowly, I continued to move forward in my life to face my illness and am thankful to be still breathing whenever I wake up from my bed.

I decided to do volunteer work in order to feel my heart with meaning. My volunteer work entails befriending elderly at the hospital. I had approached the volunteer work with apprehension as I didn’t quite know what to expect out of it. But God knew one sinful motive within me, that I am doing the volunteer work partly for the selfish reason that doing this good deed would probably please him and then He would finally cure me of my illness. I thought that ‘appearing’ to be good in front of Him would please him and then He would stop letting the illness torment me.

But God sees our hearts. He saw that my heart was filled with impure selfish thoughts. He was angry and upset with me. When I visited the patients, one of them actually told me to go home as she probably saw my heart- she saw that it is not good and that I had not come to do the volunteer work out of the goodness of my heart. There was this strain of selfishness within my heart, and that my heart was being polluted with lots of sinful thoughts – my heart was impure and not good.

I never quite knew at that point that God was upset with me because of the evils that exist within my heart. And I was so desperate to recover that I donated money to charity organisations, did volunteer work etc so that God will be pleased with me and will finally let me recover.

I cried everyday, not knowing what to do, what else I can do to recover. I long for a complete family of my own. I long to have a loving husband and to bear a child of my own. However, hearing news from doctors that there’s problems with my ovaries and that my body is too weak to carry a child only served to further break my heart. I want to bear a child more than anything else, to have a child of my own to love and nurture to become a good person.

I prayed to Jesus Christ, asking for his Help, and that I will believe in Him if He could forgive me of my sins and make my heart good again. I cried to Jesus, telling Him of my wish to be able to bear a child of my own, to have a simple small family of my own with a loving husband. I cried pretty hard, I just kept crying.

The very next day, I was due for my volunteer session at the hospital with the elderly. To my pleasant surprise this time round, the moment I reached, I was being hugged by one of the elderly who is a mute (she was the patient who drove me away the previous session) and used sign language to tell me that I will have a baby. She proceeded to lead me to speak to the other patients who were not too friendly with me the previous time and they all were very gentle towards me and spoke to me with kindness. I was too overwhelmed by God’s work in my life, and how Christ truly did what I had asked for – to purify my heart and the reassurance that I will be able to have a child of my own.

Although I am still beset with health problems, and that my body is still weak, I see myself as much happier and more confident in my faith in Jesus Christ. He truly is there to help guide us in our lives, and that He truly loves us. God loves us with all his Heart. He is present, He is there by our side, always, never once leaving us.
I am still not a good Christian, but I try my best to do what Jesus Christ did for God. As a human being, a small insignificant being in God’s creation, I am weak and still prone to sin. But I pray for Jesus’ help to strengthen me and guide me in my walk with God to eternity. And I sincerely thank Jesus for giving me the strength in my heart to write this testimony.

What do YOU think?

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Comments

  1. RebekahTan says:

    Dear sis-in-Christ, your testimony touched my heart to the very core. God hears our cries,when we call upon His name, because He too, cries when His children are being stiffnecked & rebellious & disobedient to Him.

    Will keep you in prayer, sis-in-Christ. Let us be His remnants in this last days. When all things are shaken, we remain unshaken for we stand in His Word and His truth. Pray we all are overcomers!

  2. lookinforacity says:

    Hi amandac

    Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, and as a man thinks in his heart so is he.
    With that little bit of knowledge, don’t you think it would be advisable for you to stop saying
    “I am not a good Christian. I’m still not a good Christian”
    Satan is speaking to your heart, and you are repeating it to yourself, thereby believing the lies you speak.

    Jer 17:9
    The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

    Rom 10:10
    For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.

    Rom 10:8 But what saith it? The word is nigh thee, even in thy mouth, and in thy heart: that is, the word of faith, which we preach;

    1Co 1:30
    But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption:
    2Co 5:21
    For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.

    These two last verses from Cor. say the same thing to believers.
    “WE ARE THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD IN CHRIST”
    This means you cannot be anything but a “Good Christian”.
    The lies spoken to you are CONDEMNATION, they directly contradict scripture.

    Rom 8:1
    There is therefore now “NO CONDEMNATION” to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

    You are a child of God, a child of the King, start living like who you are, not in defeat.

    Be Blessed
    JIM

  3. Amandac,

    Spud2’s and bornagainbytheblood’s comments could not be more accurate. Well done. Isn’t it true that Jesus said that in this world we will have tribulation or troubles? But He has overcome the world. And what is the world? Not the beautiful creation made by the Lord, but the world in the heart of autonomous man, who seeks to think and act according to the authority of man.

    It is most important to indeed take account of one’s feelings, thoughts and circumstances. And as you found, amandac, there are those who can comfort you and teach you about the Lord’s love, which is a wonderful thing.

    However, there is one thing — and not a small thing — that is totally objective and outside of our thoughts and feelings – the Bible. More specifically the words of God. Our feelings vacillate but God’s words remain true. So then, whatever our experience — and here I should be preaching to myself — when we rest the weight of our trust in what the Lord says to us (about any and many things) then that is faith: faith in the unseen, but for the Christian, the “known”.

    God is a being who is both absolute righteous (and holy) and complete love, without tension, together. He loves us out of choice and sent Jesus to die in our place; but He could not deny His own righteousness.

    As Spud2 noted: 10 “For with the heart man believes to righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made to salvation. 11 For the scripture said, Whoever believes on him shall not be ashamed.” And it is Christ who is working to bring you and I to a state of perfection.

    Remember also to ask the Lord to exemplify and demonstrate the fruit of His Spirit in your life each day: love, joy, peace, longsuffering [patience], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control (Ga 5:22-3).

    A practical thing you can do is get an annual Bible reading calendar and read the Bible from cover to cover in one year – about three chapters a day. That will fill your mind, not with your thoughts, but with God’s words. It is not a matter of denying your sufferings, but how one responds to difficulties and the things in life, with God’s help. Self has to take its correct place, humbly before God. But SELF as the primary authority in one’s life has to die; that is why the Lord says we have to be born again – as little children, so to speak, and learn to relate to God, self, and others in obedience to the Lord.

    It all sounds so easy reading it as text on a page, doesn’t it? But it requires our life to be engaged in this struggle. And Christ is at work in you both to will and to do according to His good pleasure. Praise God. I just read in the Proverbs this morning: “The eyes of the Lord are in every place, watching the evil and the good” (Prov 15:3 NASB). This speaks of God’s omnipresence and His omniscience – He is everywhere and knows everything about ever thing, even about you and I and our struggles. (Read Proverbs 15 and 16 for encouragement.)

    As the Lord says, he that endures to the end (in faith and obedience) , the same shall be saved.

  4. My only comment to you is to build your faith on God’s word. Such as John 14:23-26 23 Jesus answered and said to him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come to him, and make our stayed with him. 24 He that loves me not keeps not my sayings: and the word which you hear is not mine, but the Father’s which sent me. 25 These things have I spoken to you, being yet present with you. 26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost,
    whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatever I have said to you.

    Also,
    Romans 10:6-14 But the righteousness which is of faith speaks on this wise, Say not in your heart, Who shall ascend into heaven? (that is, to bring Christ down from above:) 7 Or, Who shall descend into the deep? (that is, to bring up Christ again from the dead.) 8 But what said it? The word is near you, even in your mouth, and in your heart: that is, the word of faith, which we preach; 9 That if you shall confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus, and shall believe in your heart that God has raised him from the dead, you shall be saved. 10 For with the heart man believes to righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made to salvation. 11 For the scripture said, Whoever believes on him shall not be ashamed. 12 For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich to all that call on him. 13 For whoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved. 14 How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed? and how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher?

    So, even with this little bit of knowledge about how good God is, should daily give us a spark. Seeing, there is no condemnation to those that believe He is. This why we should have no problem repenting or, giving over things into His hands.

  5. bornagainbytheblood says:

    Friend – seek Jesus with all your heart, and He will guide your steps; this is done by faith. Here's a great verse to dwell on: Matthew 6:33 – But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Also, as we bury self, then we can rise up in the Lord, our first love.

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