For years i lived in sin. I drank alcohol every night. Occasionally i
did cocaine or meth. I worked in night clubs for years. I married for
the third time and 2 years later quit the club life but continued to
drink. My children went through puberty and became extremely
rebellious.My husband and i fault continuously.
At night i reached for a
quart of beer and drownded all my sorrows Things got worse.The beer
started to make me even more depressed than i was before drank it. I
felt like i was in a dark depressing whirlwind.I would sit outside at
night ad pray crying out for help. This went on for close to a
Finally, one night i cried out to God in desperation, Lord whatever
it takes take away my desire to drink. Or let me die tonight in my
The next day i was even worse . I drank to six packs of beer. My
kids were fighting. I went outside to get away. My daughter came outside
and started hollering at me. I told her i couldn’t take it any more.
What did she want me to do? Kill myself. Than i came inside i grabbed a
bottle of pills. I poured a handful and went to take them.Something
stopped me. I took a few and through the rest to the ground.
My daughter called 911. I was infuriated .When they got here i
refused to go with them. Non-the less they took me anyway. After i was
released from the hospital. They took me over to the local psychiatric
I was there for 24 hours. Locked up in the back with people who
were in there for a very long time. I saw allot of things as i sat on a
cold bench the only furniture except an overhead tv and the nurses
desk. One woman followed the nurses around begging for a beer.
girl was walking around i spoke to her she seemed perfectly normal. I
wondered why she was in the back locked up. Within the hour i found out why. She started to suddenly scream. 6 nurses ran and grabbed her. She
thrashed about wildly. Shouting Lucifer, Lucifer. And other demonic things. They tired her to her bed. It was like a scene out of the
Their were people who had , had nervous break-downs. People just
staring into space. It was terrible. People who had gone over the edge
because of Alcohol or drugs. The nurses seemed cold as ice.
I just sat there and watched. It was almost like i was watching a
horrible movie, About how humans can end up if they have no hope,no
faith They just go right over the edge.
God was present there. When we went to lunch.i saw a woman with a
hand attached to her shoulder(No Arms) Gently guide another woman with
her hand to the lunchroom. She was so kind and so compassionate toward
this woman. When she must have herself endured much ridicule in her
life.I will never forget her.
I left not long afterwards and returned home. I thank God for the
experience i had that evening. Praise the Lord.The urge to drink had
That was 8 years ago. My other problems didn’t vanish overnight. But
the lord has been here to guide me all along.At times i have started to
stray from the right path but the lord has always gently guided me
back. With the same love and compassion i saw in the woman at the
The first couple years after that were the hardest. Several times i
felt as though i had so many burdens that i literally could feel the
weight of the cross on my back. I would tell m husband i had to be alone
not to disturb me for anything. I would go sit in the woods and pray.
Each time a miracle would occur.
I will tell you about the first one. That afternoon my burdens were
extremely heavy i could barely, breath i felt as though i was being
pushed to the ground A cross was on my back that i could carry no
longer. I grabbed a blanket and a book I went and sat in the woods
behind my house. I started to read but i couldn’t . I laid the book
down. Tears streamed down my face. I started praying and poured my heart
out to God. Than i just sat there. My mind was blank. Finally quiet.
All anxiety was gone.Than I was shown a most beautiful sign from God.A
beautiful bird flew down it landed on a low hanging branch right in
front of me. It was looking at me,singing the most beautiful birdsong.
The bird was so close if i l had lifted my arm up i could have touched
it. I couldn’t believe it. Than another bird ,just like the first flew
down.It landed next to the first and looked at me and begun to sing.
Than a third bird.landed next to the second looked at me and it also
began to sing. A few minutes later they flew off. I got up with a light
heart and walked towards the house.
Praise the lord!He is always with