All Alone

Hello everyone. I wonder if anyone actually reads my posts. However, here I am again in my apartment all alone. I feel so sad and alone. I have prayed and prayed. Now I feel weak like I shouldn’t pray which I believe is another trick of the devil. I feel like now I am having panic attacks. That no one cares about me at all. That this is all non-sense. I can’t commit to anything. I have no real friends. No one calls me anymore unless by accident. Which just happened. One of my friends was calling and I got excited I thought that wow their calling me. When I picked up they said oh did my phone call you. Sorry didn’t mean to. I was trying to get my MP3 player. I gotta go and hung up. I feel so empty at night. Like I should just disappear. I pray and I wonder does God even answer my prayers for my husband? So many times I have turned to the Lord. However, these thoughts keep coming into my head and their getting stronger and stronger. I wonder am I losing my mind? It’s getting harder and harder to keep fighting on the battlefield of the mind. I don’t really have anyone I can trust to talk about this stuff with. There’s also no churches close by that I can attend. I am so lonely. Why is this happening to me. I am a good person. Loving and Kind. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know where to turn. Should I just quit praying? Will the devil leave me alone then? I doubt it. I need strength and keep praying and praying and I even pray in tongues. I am trying to stand on the word of God. We have authority over Satan it says so in the bible. I wanna make God happy. I just keep feeling so worthless. I miss my husband. I believe he is going to come back someday. However, when. I don’t understand it’s like he fell off the face of the earth. Like he never excisted except in my dreams. He doesn’t call me doesn’t talk to me. I don’t even know where he is. Except I love him. I forgive him for all he’s done. I am a very forgiving person. I want my life back. I want it all back. Everything seemed to be going great untill I started studying with the Jehovahs witnesses. Now I am scared alone and sad. During the day I feel stronger. But at night I can’t sleep. Then when I can’t I feel like I am being tormented with panic with my thoughts. I am going to have to go to the dr for help I think. Please if anyone out there reads this pray for me. I don’t know what to do. I hope that God is real. I can’t believe this earlier today I was all fired up. I was reading the bible and confessing the word. Then now I am sitting here a lone crying and feel absolutely wretched. Why is this happening to me. How can I make it stop? I am going now to pray. Please pray for me, please.

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