All Alone

Hello everyone. I wonder if anyone actually reads my posts. However, here I am again in my apartment all alone. I feel so sad and alone. I have prayed and prayed. Now I feel weak like I shouldn’t pray which I believe is another trick of the devil. I feel like now I am having panic attacks. That no one cares about me at all. That this is all non-sense. I can’t commit to anything. I have no real friends. No one calls me anymore unless by accident. Which just happened. One of my friends was calling and I got excited I thought that wow their calling me. When I picked up they said oh did my phone call you. Sorry didn’t mean to. I was trying to get my MP3 player. I gotta go and hung up. I feel so empty at night. Like I should just disappear. I pray and I wonder does God even answer my prayers for my husband? So many times I have turned to the Lord. However, these thoughts keep coming into my head and their getting stronger and stronger. I wonder am I losing my mind? It’s getting harder and harder to keep fighting on the battlefield of the mind. I don’t really have anyone I can trust to talk about this stuff with. There’s also no churches close by that I can attend. I am so lonely. Why is this happening to me. I am a good person. Loving and Kind. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know where to turn. Should I just quit praying? Will the devil leave me alone then? I doubt it. I need strength and keep praying and praying and I even pray in tongues. I am trying to stand on the word of God. We have authority over Satan it says so in the bible. I wanna make God happy. I just keep feeling so worthless. I miss my husband. I believe he is going to come back someday. However, when. I don’t understand it’s like he fell off the face of the earth. Like he never excisted except in my dreams. He doesn’t call me doesn’t talk to me. I don’t even know where he is. Except I love him. I forgive him for all he’s done. I am a very forgiving person. I want my life back. I want it all back. Everything seemed to be going great untill I started studying with the Jehovahs witnesses. Now I am scared alone and sad. During the day I feel stronger. But at night I can’t sleep. Then when I can’t I feel like I am being tormented with panic with my thoughts. I am going to have to go to the dr for help I think. Please if anyone out there reads this pray for me. I don’t know what to do. I hope that God is real. I can’t believe this earlier today I was all fired up. I was reading the bible and confessing the word. Then now I am sitting here a lone crying and feel absolutely wretched. Why is this happening to me. How can I make it stop? I am going now to pray. Please pray for me, please.

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Comments

  1. Its really tough to be forsaken by the one you love. I am praying God give you new hope and new joy and satisfaction in His presence and that your husband will return to you also. But before that happens, make God your source of life. Don't put off happiness and joy until that day.

  2. Holyroller_11 says:

    We are never alone,Jesus said he will be closer than a brother,and he would go with us to the end of the world. Just think, because he was willing to spend 33 years with mankind trying every way to help us,when he didn’t have to. Plus,you have brothers and sisters all over the world because of his love for you and I and all of us. I read of some bad days,and they hit all of us hard at times,but if we give something as little as a glass of water in the name of Jesus he rewards us,wow, Alone,nay,blessed and after every rain there is a rainbow. Tomorrow when you awake,just thank God for your great family God has gave you,rearange the furniture,brighten up the house,change everything and start a new life on a new day,Tell satan’s dart throwing little punks .get thee behind me,and get out the phone book,locate a holiness church,tell them send over a ride and have a glorious time in Lord with the family of God,your kinsmen in CHRIST! and take 2 blessings and thank Jesus in the morning,Sister,God bless and he will.amen

    • barbie49701 says:

      I have kinda went a little bonkers rearranging and recreating my whole apartment. Each room has a different theme. I love christmas. I Decorated my living and dining rooms with all christmas decorations. i even have glass bulbs dangleing from the ceiling. My kitchen is thanksgiving and fall I have leaves tacted to my ceiling. Leaves and pictures of our kids and family all over and some little turkeys. Then I have Spring in the bathroom I have artificial flowers all over walls and ceiling. When friends and family see my home now they are like WOW! This place is like a museum. There’s so much to see and look at. I also have started painting again. I am painting a light house during a storm. People can’t believe how creative I am. I have not stopped living life. I get up every morning and thank the lord for all he gives me I just feel weak at night. However, someone said to play gospel music it helps. It really does I keep it playing in the evening while I am writing in my prayer journal and reading the bible. I feel so much peace. I watch 4 kids Mon-Fri I am still living life. I try to ignore the pain and give it to the lord. However, sometimes it gets overbearing. I miss Russ. However, I find myself talking to god more and more and telling him about my day. I even talk to Jesus while I am doing things. I don’t know how but I know their listening. I have grown so much in so many ways in the last 2 months since Russ left me. I think he’s in for a surprise when he does call me. I am not the woman he left. I am weak but I am strong. I am tired but full of life and energy. I had a friend call me the other day Sat. Her husband left her and moved to Florida. Wow! She wanted to do a bible study with me. Because I guess everyones talking about me and how much faith I have. Also about how great I am doing. I didn’t know what to say to her. I prayed. I asked Jesus that if he had something to tell her to use me. I surrendered my whole being to him and my mouth. She got there at 12 30 and was there to 7 30 we are all over the bible I just let the spirit flow and take us were we needed to go. I went straight to scriptures no problems explaining there purpose or what Jesus wants from us. I was amazed and very thankful. So was she. She said she really felt the holy spirits presence when she walked into my apartment. I was like really? She said as soon as she sat at the table she felt surrounded with peace. It was the first peace she had felt since her husband left. I told her don’t thank me Thank Jesus. I asked him to use me and talk to you and this whole study was from him. Threw the holy spirit. It was amazing the whole study last night I went over some of it again. We were talking about love. Real love agape love. Also John 14. It was great, Thank you guys for listening to me and praying for you. I can’t wait till the day I can get on here and message you and give you my testimonies. It’s going to be really soon I know it. Be Blessed all of you!

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