I am a christian and I am in a relationship with a man for 3 1/2 years. we are business partners and home owners together. We are not officially married but only with each other. We would like to get married inn the future if we can really make things work. I dont feel like God condems me for this because he knows where my heart is. I really consider us married anyway. I have been married 2 other times and it ended in divorce. Also my first marriage I married a christian man and we did not live together until officially married. which now I feel was a big mistake.
My question is dont you think God deals with everyone indvidually. I am obviousley seeking Gods will and to do right . Sometimes it is a process to get there? I was out of fellowship for years and now getting back into again. this was due to not having access to it. I find that christians seem to be very jugemental on this subject. Almost not even accepting that I would be a christian.

any comments on the subject would be appriciated

What do YOU think?



  1. God has no favorites. He does not deal with us as individuals, but as individuals we must tow his line. He doesn’t bend his rules to accommodate us, we are to change our lives to obey his laws. He had laws that tell us how we are to live, but in regard to your situation I will let the scriptures speak for themselves.

    (Mark 10) So he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”

    (Luk 16) Any man who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.”

    You are twice divorced and therefore should not remarry for it also states: ‘Let marriage be kept honorable in every way, and the marriage bed undefiled. For God will judge those who commit sexual sins, especially those who commit adultery.’

    Finally in Revelation the scriptures outline the future of those who persist in wickedness, “… [the] cowardly, unfaithful, detestable, murderers, sexually immoral [that is your situation] , sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars will find themselves in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur. This is the second death.”

    In regard to your divorces which you seem to be flippant about, the scriptures make it plain what God’s stance is in regard to this subject: ‘I hate divorce!’ (Malachi)

    As to being judgmental, don’t think for a moment that those who quote scriptures are judging you, the scriptures do that well enough, indeed you are being judged by your own words, you are judging you. We are not to judge, yes, but we are to warn. Jude went as far as to say: “Show mercy to those who have doubts. Save others by snatching them from the fire. To others, show mercy, but with fear, hating even the clothes stained by their sinful lives.”

  2. Dear Noah,
    I am happy to learn you are seeking to do God’s will.It IS a process to rid ourselves of behaviors that God considers sin.The first to go are the obvious sins,then,the not so obvious ones such as our motives and heart conditions.
    It seems you might be dealing with both. Your living arrangement is sin.God calls it fornication.This situation offers you no security or future.It demands no permanent commitment.You are enjoying the benefits of marriage,without the sacrifice. Look, I am not trying to be judgmental,just truthful.
    The less obvious sin here is you trying to justify the situation.I think it is safe to say that God is dealing with you about this,because you seem to be fishing for an answer that will make you feel better.God never blesses something contrary to His Word,or His character.The question now is what are you going to do?
    You said you would like to get married “If you could really make things work”.Making things work involves commitment,sacrificial love, determination,and as a Christian,for your partner to be one as well.
    I was in the same circumstance,so I know how you feel. I’ve been happily married for 12 years now . You will never regret following the Lord 🙂
    Grace and Love to you noah,

  3. Timothy Luke says:

    You say "God knows where my heart is…" and yet I have to say amen to that, but ask, "do you?"

    Will you see your heart as God sees it, or will you, as most of us fellow sinners do, assume that He will forsake His law and His common sense and see it as you do?

    Here is what God sees…

    A woman who will forsake the clear unchanging Word of God to follow the ever-changing, never satisfying lust of the flesh.

    A woman who has hardened her heart to God's law and thinks He says to her that it is alright to do what He clearly outlawed in the Bible.

    A woman who is needing to be loved by one who is true, forsaking that true love for one who has taken her body as his own for pleasure, but has not given his heart in lifelong commitment. Would I be correct in reading into your blog that you engaged in premarital sex with your first "christian" mate before being married? If so, don't you think that would have been a clue that you were outside of God's will, and therefore His ability to bless?

    God sees a daughter who deserves much better from herself and should have expected more righteousness and less foolishness from herself and her husbands.

    God sees someone who, like the woman caught in adultery, He commands, "go and sin no more."

    Will you hear him sister? This is your life and eternity at stake.



    PS – I would like to add that God has so much more planned for you than you could imagine. His ways are higher than ours. His commands are a blessing to keep us from the futility and danger of sin – which will eat us alive, good intentions and all. You need a man who will love you with the sacrificial love of Jesus Christ. If a man will not deny himself unsanctified pleasure to keep you outside of marriage, he does not have the relationship with God that will enable him to sacrifice the greater things a marriage requires….

    I am not judging you. I want you to see your life can be so much more than sin will ever allow you to attain!

    Our Story will give you an idea of how much I love my wife and why. Find someone who will lay down his life for you as Christ laid his life down for the church, and then honor him in righteousness.

  4. warrior daughter says:

    What do you want me to say???Do you want me to ignore the fact that you know what you are doing is wrong otherwise you would not have titled your blog adultry.

    I have heard people say why get married..It is just a piece of paper…Marriage is not a piece of paper but a holy union. You say I don’t feel that God condemns me..No it is not God but your sin that condemns you…There is no reason for you to continue on in adultry except that you want to…

    Yes God does deal with everyone indivually but how can He deal with you when your desire to be with someone is more than the desire to be upright before God??

    You cannot serve two masters…
    “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one & love the other,or else he will be loyal to the one & despise the other…Matthew 6:24

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